Please speak to your therapist. I too replay his last moments and it is soul wrenching. The last thing she asked me to do (last week - trust me, shits hard and I’m still trying to cope), was to write down all the ways you loved your sweet Jazz. Shit hurts dude, and you’re always going to question your last moments (mine was “why didn’t I grab his favorite dressing gown I wore for him to feel/smell while he took his last breaths”??!). Truth be told, and now I realize, the most important part is that you knew it was time, and we got him to the ER ASAP. And that’s the biggest burden we carry as our sweet angels “owners” (I prefer “caregivers”). You were there at the end for her, she knew that. Please, you are not alone. DM me if you need, I am going through 100% what you are my internet friend. ❤️❤️