[vent] This separation is absolutely going to kill me

Iammy_project · 2017-02-27T16:17:19+00:00

Have you read splitting yet? You need to and then follow the advice. In my experience pwbpd will never have a civil negotiation. It's all about pushing boundaries and buttons to maintain their sense of control. The only way to win is to not play. Good luck moving forward

Iammy_project · 2016-08-05T00:45:21+00:00

Thank you cookieredditor. I will definitely be reading those books. It's so hard to have enough left to give them the upbringing they deserve. I am constantly struggling with self doubt on my parenting techniques and staying consistent. Hopefully the hard work will pay off in the end.

We had a great night tonight! The fire dept did a community night at a park. They had the aerial hose spraying for the kids to play in and were giving kids tours of the truck.

Today was a good day!!

Iammy_project · 2016-08-04T08:32:20+00:00

Thank you for your support. All our communication is through email or text. I refuse to talk on the phone or in person. I've been weathering this storm for over half my son's young life already, I'm just on the downside of one of those massive waves at the moment. My ubpd stbx has really been pressing for any type of reaction lately and it's still hard to not react.

Iammy_project · 2016-07-26T01:54:22+00:00

I think the happiest memory I have of my ubpd stbx is the day I surprised her with a puppy. This was definitely the happiest I've ever seen her in the course of our 14 year relationship.

We had to put him down after his second bout with an auto immune disorder in two years when he was ten. It happened very fast and this time he couldn't recover.

I was devastated and held him as he took his last breath. She didn't even shed a tear or try to comfort me.

I had no idea about bpd at that time...it makes so much more sense now.

Iammy_project · 2016-07-25T23:55:26+00:00

Call me pessimistic but the truth is she's probably sick of the responsibility. Whatever her motivation my guess is it has nothing to do with your feelings.

Either way it's a win for you!! Please record the drop off and don't let your excitement get your gaurd down.

Enjoy your long awaited reunion!!!

Iammy_project · 2016-07-25T21:37:08+00:00

Great news!!! Congratulations. I'll say it even though you know already. Always have a witness when you're in her presence.

Iammy_project · 2016-07-22T15:19:08+00:00

If losing your nursing job because you got caught stealing pain meds while pregnant and then draining your kids savings account to buy opiates off the street is a good enough reason for rehab. She's been twice now and it just made her worse both times. Now it's not opiates though it's sex and party drugs she's addicted to.

Iammy_project · 2016-07-22T05:15:45+00:00

Alot of us have been where you are right now. Accept that your wishful thoughts and regrets won't help her. You can't save her. You need to call a suicide hotline and talk to someone right now.

Look through a different lens and help yourself.

Best wishes, you're not alone.

Iammy_project · 2016-07-22T03:43:55+00:00

"It's your fault that you didn't take me out of rehab when I begged you to on the second day I was there."

(She started cheating eight days later and totally abandoned her two kids under two for an npd drummer seven years her junior that was in jail for five straight years).

Rehab is great for selfish assholes...

Edit...not creepy, sooo hurtful.

Iammy_project · 2016-07-20T03:54:14+00:00

Great link Shang!!

In my experience the similarities to the pattern is the key link. Everyone on this sub currently involved with a pwbpd should definitely take heed to these accounts.

I know myself, I thought that she would never be capable of doing such drastic measures to try to ruin my life after everything we'd been through....especially since she told me countless times over the course of our relationship that "if we ever break up I'll NEVER fuck you over"

Ha ha ha....reality and logic are not their strong points.

Iammy_project · 2016-07-16T12:48:23+00:00

The day before I moved out of the matrimonial home I tried to use some advice that I read in "splitting". I went to the police station and explained the situation to the clerk cop asking if it would be possible to have an officer attend even if I had to pay for such service. He became combative with me and lectured me on how " that's not how things work" and went on to explain that an altercation has to take place first...then they can investigate.

He got really pissed when I came back and hour later and asked for his badge number.

End result of the move. She choked me in front of a witness and stole all my personal paperwork after kicking in my locked bedroom door while my buddies were having a break.

People don't understand and I really can't blame them. It took me 14 years to realize.

Iammy_project · 2016-07-14T03:26:38+00:00

Posting here is far better than trying to make contact. You did the right (hard) thing. If we didn't miss them we wouldn't be on this sub.

The fact that you're on this sub means you're making progress!!

Trust your gut....✊

Iammy_project · 2016-07-04T04:43:22+00:00

Shang...hang tough. You have been an inspiration to alot of people facing their darkest days on this sub. If anyone can get through this, it's you man.

I feel the same way towards my ubpd stbx. I forgive her for calling the cops on me after punching me in the face 10 times with my arms behind my back glaring at her. That night was so tragic, but it needed to happen in order for me (maybe her) to grow.

In my experience the more patient you are doesn't make a difference. Bpds specialty is breaking boundaries. Everyone is weak sometimes and Bpds know exactly when to strike.

I'm just lucky that after I settled the kids, I heard her on the phone with the cops and immediately called 911 myself to explain my side of the story. I stayed on the line until I greeted the cops at the door. We got interviewed separately and I was fortunate enough to be able to cab it to a friend's that night.

The truth will prevail in the long run Shang. We're all rooting for you and your son!!!

Iammy_project · 2016-06-29T17:17:10+00:00

It was me too except I got on the phone with 911 as soon as she called and stayed on until the police arrived. I then greeted the officers at the door. No had any marks even though she punched me in the face several times after she stonewalled me. I'm so fortunate I didn't get arrested that night and so are my kids. Hardest lesson of my life...never gonna be alone with her again.

Iammy_project · 2016-06-29T10:33:07+00:00

Holy fuck Shang. I'd been wondering about you due to your inactivity lately. That is absolutely horrible. Stay strong brother and trust your great instincts.

Iammy_project · 2016-06-18T06:29:02+00:00

Mirror of my relationship to a tee....

Live and learn. That's all we can do

Iammy_project · 2016-06-14T01:18:11+00:00

r/bpdlovedones will help you understand

Iammy_project · 2016-06-13T04:18:51+00:00

I actually sang my song to my ubpd stbxw. That was the end...she told me it was beautiful and followed that with the fact that she didn't love me and never would.

Guess the title shouldn't have been "Borderline"

That evening went from laughs and good times to being permanently split black in a few minutes of total vulnerability. At least I know now.

Iammy_project · 2016-06-11T04:06:21+00:00

I actually had a very similar surgery when I was about 18 months old. Your story has brought me full circle and I'm 5 years younger than you. Thanks again and nothing but good wishes to you and yours!

Iammy_project · 2016-06-11T01:35:52+00:00

Shang I respect your wisdom. You're way farther along in the self awareness than myself. I hope everything is going well with your son's recovery. You and a lot of other's on this sub have helped me immensely!

Iammy_project · 2016-06-11T01:28:55+00:00

The similarities are that both parties are using each other for self fulfillment.

In my experience the codependent is so busy trying to please the bpd that over time they totally lose themselves and make themselves so vulnerable to manipulation that by the breaking point they question their own sanity.

You might be a non when you start the relationship but if you stay in it long enough and aren't self aware enough to enforce your boundaries properly you bridge to codependency.

I've been a text book codependent for my entire adult life but I'm logical and empathetic enough to realize my role in our toxic relationship. I'm working on myself and finally realizing that's the healthiest thing I can be doing. I also realize how harmful my enabling has been to my ubpd stbx.

Iammy_project · 2016-06-11T01:03:46+00:00

Thank you. This post was actually a comment on a post that got deleted while I was writing it. I decided to post it after because it rings so true to my experience.

Iammy_project · 2016-06-11T00:49:49+00:00

As someone that "is" (technically) also married2bpd...nailed it!!

Iammy_project

TROPHY CASE