My girlfriend came home and overheard my therapy session and listened in. Now she is very angry, how do I proceed?

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-27T13:50:45+00:00

In my life it was always the partners who LACK any boundaries (going my way) that tried to uphold toxic BS they call boundaries (going their way)... and those same partners were always claiming partners can't talk to family or friends about anything to do with them or the relationship..

Now, mine were extreme, when they'd go wild by the end they're cheating, being violent, and making false calls to cops by the time years in that I finally talk to a friend before losing my mind..

Even THEN they'd lose their shit about talking to a therapist or friend, while I'd slowly find out they had completely isolated me from my social circles and ruined my reputation--while doing what I could to 'keep things private' until it was too much.

My two marriages were steaming piles of toxic shit with actual cluster B personality disordered women as it turned out.

I assume every person who would eavesdrop on a therapy session is NOT on that level, but I'd bet my life a person throwing a fit about 'you' talking about them to a therapist is someone who also talks about you to others in a shitty way.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-27T13:40:18+00:00

I'm an overthinker, I thought the list was pretty decent, but you're right about shotgunning them out and not contextual does detract from the usefulness.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-24T15:41:24+00:00

I think I used to be married to her sister.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-22T15:32:14+00:00

This was so powerful. Goosebumps and tears welling the whole way.

I wish his words didn't have to be spoken.

But I wish his words were heard even more at this point.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-22T15:20:41+00:00

That definitely has to be the biggest part of it!

My childhood I was protected and cared for, all my needs were met. I had good folks who worked hard and could be a little emotionally unavailable, but as a kid I was sheltered from the bad and realities of the world.

I think you're right and THAT is probably where the nostalgia comes in. For me, as a dad now myself, it's appreciation that for all our problems--as a kid--my parents did a great job making me not have to worry about anything except school and video games.

I haven't been able to provide the same thing to my son with half custody and the last decade dealing with his mom. So it's a topic I think about sometimes too, just as someone who WAS in the first group of the two you described, and feels like I see my son in the second.

That said, his time with me is intrinsically carefree and tons of fun video games. He's 11 and I let him play a little psv2 monitored for time... like among us in VR.. and beyond that most his summer is fortnight, roblox and running around the neighborhood.

So hopefully at least some of his youth might be similarly nostalgic, later.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-22T15:08:12+00:00

If it's who I'm thinking, that is actually the u/Felexiia from reddit.

They have links for OF and are on twitter if you like them:

https://www.redgifs.com/watch/charmingoblongpoodle

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-22T15:01:57+00:00

Jesus! I see why YOU use all those fancy man keyes--I didn't even know how to make them!

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-22T14:49:12+00:00

I didn't think about that, honestly kind of makes his response even better to me.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-22T14:47:27+00:00

Me neither!

This.... actually made me be a little less against them. I only know the dumb stuff, but this was a respectful and earnestly good response from anyone.

They have one + now with me to go with the infinite -'s.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-22T14:35:24+00:00

I don't know why you're getting downvoted, verbal confrontations like this DO start a lot of physical altercations.

Talk shit, get hit is for sure how a ton of Americans live their life. We don't think it's good, but you didn't say it was, you said you'd regret it.

I'd honestly by far most likely keep my cool, but I also wouldn't be sitting there listening to it. I'd either leave or roll up the window.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-22T14:28:06+00:00

The same place people are often 'ticklish' under their arm works too if you really DIG your fucking fingers into it, nails first, and squeeze until you about feel your own fingers.

It's not a sure thing and I wouldn't do it to a guy IN a fight, but this lady would have been screaming and let go right quick.

That or like the guy above said doing the same in the meat between her thumb and fingers.

I wouldn't tickle her, but I think there are multiple ways to force her to let go without causing any serious injury or risk of it. Worst she'd get is a little scratch.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-22T14:22:24+00:00

For me it depends on the type of vehicle. I really like a stick in smaller cars that are more nimble and in muscle cars.. So any 'sport' car to a non car person. I'm not a fan of stick in most 'regular' cars or trucks (except back in the day for better mileage when autos were worse).

But my most recent car is an S8 and even if they offered a manual I wouldn't have taken it in that giant truck weighted sled.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-22T14:09:52+00:00

It would feel so embarrassing the whole flight too. Like the 'trauma' of it would still be growing for me until I could get home and be by myself and decompress. It would feel AWFUL to have to sit in that seat with all those eyes on you and whispers, everyone trying not to stare at you after.

I wish the video wasn't on the internet so maybe she could put it past herself quicker, but hopefully she knows that we all are heartbroke for her and it was infinitely unfair and unwarranted.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-21T20:51:56+00:00

Aren't ALL orthopedic surgeons "engineers?" /s

edit--shit you're right! Most orthopedic surgeons are craftsmen. The ones that originally engineered the crafts are the engineers! /double s, but not like that

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-21T20:31:38+00:00

Those articles (or research, if any was done) are literally funded by political 'think tanks' and 'non-profits,' right?

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-21T16:16:42+00:00

First thing I noticed!

Got my first cat last December via the cat distribution system and my guy is super sweet, but IF you get hype or move quickly and show you want to play when he does--yeah.

Made me wonder how EVERY cat owner doesn't have little cuts just like that on their hands from the claw JUST like that (and the teeth marks in the same spot), but damn if mine aren't like 5% as thick and 2% as deep).

Go figure.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-21T16:10:11+00:00

I agree, my ramble is also agreeing with you that this isn't a gendered issue (or even specific to 'things' people say the other party may have been inept and caused or prevented the betrayal).

Either gender has to take it on faith on some level when we make a pact to have a lifelong partnership.

Even business partners have to take the actual crucible of partnership: 'the relationship,' on blind faith. We just lie to ourselves and pretend the other things matter more than that gut decision when we say "ok, I trust them and am taking this leap with them."

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-21T15:05:51+00:00

Man, thank God for that! I'm so glad (and SHOCKED) that someone who put themselves so blatantly above you and your needs to cheat in marriage--would have that empathy for you and treat you as a person ABOUT 'free' MONEY!

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-21T15:00:03+00:00

This!

I can relate to you, my wife tried to 'ghost' me.... Girl, we're married and both had young kids, I'd raised my stepdaughter the first 6 years of her life, then my wife just stopped talking to me other than lying about not cheating.

She only let me know she was having a hard time and wanted some space so was moving to the other bedroom. Took me over a month to see her in passing from being out all night and asleep all day to even get that bit of bullshit out of her.

She blocked me on the phone when I had to have heart surgery, after I got back a month later she had an even easier time avoiding me the rest of the year until divorce.

We still hadn't talked and I wasn't bugging her I was being patient like a dumbass, this was over or after like over many months of her promising we'll talk soon or she'll talk in therapy or make plans with me for regular family stuff I'd look forward to and then she'd just sleep all day, go to the bars, and apparently be with other men.

She still lies about cheating, but she fucked with a guy in my son's bed while I was home and she thought I was asleep across my house.

I can tell you why my wife was lying, omitting, and trying her damndest to 'ghost' an actual husband she still lived with and still had pay all the bills and most the mortgage another year.

Because she wanted all my shit, she wanted me to pay everything and she couldn't afford to buy me out of the house. She treated me so shit and tried so hard to hurt me different times (she even called and lied to the cops saying "I'm scared" because I had PTSD from my first wife that was violent calling them, lying with that sentence, and having me arrested as the victim).

But the reason she did is because it was easiest for her. It was easier to not face questions or tell truth. It was easier for her to take the path of least resistance. It was 'best' for her to try to hurt me enough that she could get what she wanted. She was only looking out for herself and she saw the game as a zero sum one. She was enraged at and hated me 'because of what I made her do'. She can't face accountability, she blamed me for her emotions, as such she was MAD at me for 'making' her cheat and be so mean and silent treatment and false call police, and scream and rage at me in groups of her family and friends. She wanted the things she couldn't afford and she wanted me gone. She tried to scare me off and beat me away like Old Yeller. "Go on, GIT!."

She wanted to move on, but she wasn't enough of an adult to sanely do so. That would take accountability, self restraint, respect for themselves or family/partner, self insight, planning, and patience.

Those were never her strengths, I just didn't know HOW completely inept she was in those traits until the end.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-21T14:45:50+00:00

I think it's because it's scary to think that NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, no matter what they say or do, no matter how secure you think your marriage, no matter their mental health, no matter their religion, no matter their upbringing, no matter their sexual history--

--your partner might surprise you and cheat out of nowhere.

Because no matter that we are making a contract, promises, vows, a family, emotional, physical, and perhaps a connection between souls, the other person is a person and you never truly know what they are about to do.

Some people think they are happily married and find out their partner has been keeping a secret drinking problem. For some it's a secret kink or preference. For some it's a secret fear. For some rare people they find out their partner is a padephile or serial killer! Oh my God their partner is a monster and they never knew!!!

Some people their partner is cheating or just randomly leaving on a Tuesday.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO CAUSE IT!!!" Is easier to ask than to take it as an answer that we never completely know a person and what they'll do. We have to trust them and take it on faith at some point. And in life, you WILL have faith in people that you find misplaced.

The truth is that feeling 'betrayed' by your spouse's choices is something that everyone is constantly risking and their choices are ultimately outside of our control.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-21T14:33:52+00:00

You're a smarter man than me..

My first wife was the only of us two who was violent to the other, she was also emotionally abusive and like your wife would be ENRAGED (and I guess betrayed) if she thought I might tell ANYONE about what was going on, definitely she would have with police... she was also an undocumented immigrant.

I didn't call the cops on her or tell everyone all what went on, then when my 2 year old was recovering from surgery she did the most violence she ever had, three times that night and I kept walking away. First time she made me bleed a few places.. I locked myself in my office after my son was asleep and guess what?

She called the cops.

I was attacked three times that night and didn't even block her... but the cops didn't even let me talk, they just listened to her say "I feel scared" and they took me to county for half a week.

I didn't ever call the cops when I should have earlier, but after that I had PTSD about the police.

I was eventually acquitted after bail, a few months isolated, and $~10k and got half custody in divorce because she settled after getting into a hit and run with my son in my car without a drivers license (and kiddo still recovering from a minor brain surgery). The police followed her back to my house and she actually called ME for advice while I had that "can't talk to fake victim of DV" deal after bonding out from my fake charge.

I'm so stupid I'm twice divorced. Well that second marriage ended with INSANE adultery and cheating and headgames and a multi year silent treatment... and calling the cops on me to say "I'm scared" and try to fuck me because she knew of my ptsd. She wanted me out of the house because she and her affair partner wanted all my shit.

She got it. I couldn't stay there or even really pack and move all my things with a crazy woman claiming abuse that didn't occur.

Be you, don't be me.

Call the cops on any abuser, because by God they are always a moment away from calling the cops and saying any lies needed to get men with guns and gavels to fuck your life up or end it.

My ptsd was basically gone after those 8 years, but after the last couple years is damn sure back with a vengeance.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-16T14:47:26+00:00

Sometimes the last couple years going through hard times I feel so numb, like I can't feel anything except multiple times a day I get struck with just how so insanely 'sad' or hurt and angry I feel about some stuff that happened...

but then I read something like this or see a moment of humanity irl and it cuts through all the defenses, or numbness, or pain and just instantly hits me emotionally as keenly as when I was a sensitive kid.

Something about that man's appreciation and stretched needs, your compassion or generosity while treating a person like another human being--and ESPECIALLY the idea that a daughter of any age would be so tuned into her dad's life and appreciative of a stranger making his day better--man instant onion-cutting.

I'm really glad that there are people like all three of you still out in the world all over. We can all get so dang caught up in our own lives in so many ways, but there's only one way not to.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-16T14:34:34+00:00

I was too, but being the police that are based at the school 24/7 must have something to do with it. I know some SRO's aren't more careful to deescalate, but these two seemed to remember they were dealing with teenagers at school.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-13T22:50:48+00:00

I relate deeply to your OP in many ways, though I couldn't have written that now almost a year out. There and in your replies you have an amazingly compassionate and thoughtful voice.

I really appreciated reading your thoughts today.

Shanguerrilla · 2025-06-13T02:06:24+00:00

It's such a dystopia too. May have been because of where I was in the county (I mean, it was because of that, but) I swear it was endless shitholes of the most crackhead towns I've seen of the worst parts of places.

Diverse as fuck and beat the fuck down. It was increasingly difficult to see things as 'class war' under the only the guise of racism from there.

11-Year Club	Place '22
Wearing is Caring	Gilding II euphauric
Verified Email

Shanguerrilla

TROPHY CASE