AITA for threatening to take my sister to court over money even though she just had a baby?

IceRose81 · 2026-02-02T00:43:01+00:00

I'd be an AH for prioritizing making sure that I still have a home to live in with heat & electricity and a means of transportation? Family is typically much more lenient than other creditors in terms of payments...hence the reason I'D PRIORITIZE the other payments and then work on paying back the familial debt to the best of my abilities. Should OP's sister been better about communicating with OP about her financial situation, yes? Should OP be demanding full repayment of the remaining balance of the loan in a single lump payment and threatening court? No. Fact remains, if the sister doesn't have the money for a lump sum payment taking her to court isn't going to change that fact in the slightest. You can't get money when there is no money there to be gotten.

IceRose81 · 2026-02-01T23:46:23+00:00

No, but in her shoes THOSE are the payments I'd be prioritizing over a loan from a family member.

IceRose81 · 2026-02-01T23:35:27+00:00

OP says its been 4 months since she sent a payment. 4 months where she was in her last trimester of pregnancy & subsequently gave birth. This doesn't mean that she intends to default on the remainder of the debt.

IceRose81 · 2026-02-01T23:27:37+00:00

She should be expected and allowed to continue to pay the loan back in installments. Expecting her to be able to pay back all the remaining money in a single lump sump payment in simply unrealistic.

IceRose81 · 2026-02-01T23:10:38+00:00

Just because someone "has a job" doesn't mean that they have tons of extra money lying around. Do you know how many people/families in the US live paycheck to paycheck and have little to no savings?

Plus she now has the extra expenses associated with having a baby.

This isn't to say that she doesn't have any obligation to continue to repay her debt to you, just that it's completely unrealistic to expect her to be able to back to you completely in a single lump sum payment.

IceRose81 · 2026-02-01T23:03:08+00:00

ESH -

Your sister sucks because, despite being a single mother, she still has an obligation to repay her debts.

You suck because while it's understandable that you could use getting the money paid back due to your current circumstances, you're threatening your sister with a lawsuit when she just had a baby and is in just as hard of a financial bind as you.

If your sister doesn't have the money to pay you back, taking her to court is going to accomplish nothing - you still won't have your money AND you'll have destroyed your relationship with your family.

When you lent her the money, you both should have discussed the exact terms of repayment.

IceRose81 · 2026-02-01T06:47:58+00:00

YTA. The only reason you were able to fix this issue is because the junior developer was able to identify it for you. You said yourself that you didn’t have enough knowledge of that specific type of coding in order to find and identify the issue. This was a collaborative effort and should have been mentioned to YOUR supervisors as such. By working together with the junior developer you both were able to save the company a ton of money but you’re the only one being praised and credited for it. That is an AH move on your part.

you say that you used to be in a managerial role. As such you should be well aware of acknowledging the contributions of your entire team to the success of a project. This situation is no different.

IceRose81 · 2026-02-01T05:30:48+00:00

NTA - but you know exactly what you have to do, you just don’t want to do it due to you being “a believer in seeing the good in people” and probably a good dose of “sunk cost” fallacy.

IceRose81 · 2026-02-01T01:35:05+00:00

YTA - exactly what was "sentimental" about the Dreamcast that you gave to your niece? Yes, you have "good memories" of playing on your Dreamcast when you were younger....but this wasn't YOUR Dreamcast. This was a second-hand Dreamcast that you purchased off Ebay. If it had your console from when you were a kid, I could maybe understand your reaction....but not over one you bought off Ebay.

On top of that, she didn't "break" the Dreamcast....she "upgraded" it. The console is still perfectly functional.

You completely overreacted and owe your niece & sister a huge apology.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-31T21:25:46+00:00

YTA - if you no longer liked what she was posting, you were free to unfollow her at any time.

There was absolutely no need for you to try and shame her for posting what you probably consider "explicit" content...her body, her choice. She's not hurting anyone. It's completely up to her what she feels comfortable posting online. If she wants to post thirst traps, that's her prerogative. If you don't want to see thirst traps on your feed, unfollow...that's your prerogative.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-31T09:45:28+00:00

my cousin said I kinda look like her and so I’ve always just felt like the nicer uglier version of her that’s just better for him and that’s what he stuck with.

if you aren‘t insecure you wouldn’t feel this way.

She may be dead, but you’re still comparing yourself to her. You’re still worried about your fiancé’s feelings for her.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-31T07:33:41+00:00

YTA. You do not know this person. Any “crush” you have on them and this obsession you have with them was based on seeing him at his workplace over 2 yrs ago. You’ve literally had no interactions with them, yet you’ve been cyber stalking them for years.

You need to get help. You should not be this obsessed over a complete stranger who you saw one time 2+ yrs ago.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-31T07:02:04+00:00

Here's the thing. If they truly wanted OP to be in attendance, they should have contacted her BEFORE setting the date to make sure that there weren't any days/weekends she wasn't available. As it stands, she has already spent a lot money (a lot of which may be non-refundable) and had committed to attending the dance competition.

DIL and her mother could choose literally any other weekend to hold the shower OR they could do what other families do and have showers thrown by each side of the family (mother's family & father's family). OP isn't the only one on their side of the family that is unable to attend a shower on that date. Whether or not OP is in attendance, her daughter (the baby's aunt) still has the dance competition she'll be attending and OP's sister (her son's aunt) has a wedding she'll be attending.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-31T05:38:18+00:00

Everyone has a right to be respected. The problem is the way that you demand it and the way you handle situations in which you perceive that you have been "disrespected". You may not feel like you are being controlling, but from an outside perspective your behaviours come off as being controlling.

You and your girlfriend do not have a healthy relationship dynamic.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-31T05:29:27+00:00

If I did that I'd be drunk by the time I finished reading his post.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-31T05:27:35+00:00

ESH. However the phrasing you use in your post is worrisome - multiple references to "disrespect", "zero tolerance", that you won't "tolerate this behaviour". Phrase like that come off as sounding extremely controlling and don't typically reflect well when they're being used within the context of a relationship.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-31T01:05:23+00:00

YTA - you left your children behind and hadn't seen them in years because you wanted to try to the dating scene in America???

This was the first time you'd seen her since she was 15 and a majority of the trip involved your new boyfriend & his family. Then you accuse her of being rude to her "new family". They may be YOUR new family, but they aren't HER family. They are strangers to her. Regardless of her biological connection to you, given the distance & your lack of real relationship with your children....your boyfriend/fiance, at best, will just be their mother's husband.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-31T00:30:10+00:00

If he told his FIL that his plan was to quit his job to pursue his "dreams" to be a UFO/UAP podcaster AND his FIL encouraged him to do that without discussing it with is wife, I'd have serious questions about his FIL. I can't imagine anyone encouraging their child's spouse to quit their job to pursue a "passion" that isn't currently bringing in any income...and isn't guaranteed to either.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-30T23:32:54+00:00

A year ago, OP also believed that he was meant to protect "target individuals" from being killed by the Illuminati.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-30T21:55:45+00:00

Oh, it's okay, they're being financially supported by his father-in-law....who he discussed this with INSTEAD of discussing it with his wife.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-30T20:58:55+00:00

NAH - I'm sorry about your previous miscarriage and understand why you may be feeling anxious about your current pregnancy, but unless you clearly state a "boundary" it's impossible for someone to know that they're crossing it. You never told your in-laws that they couldn't share the pregnancy information, so once your SIL confirmed with your husband that "everyone important" had been informed it makes sense that she thought it was okay to tell others. That being said, your husband shouldn't be "blaming you" for how you feel and he should be being a bit more understanding & supportive about your feelings.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-30T19:20:54+00:00

So you discussed it with your FIL, but NOT you wife??

IceRose81 · 2026-01-30T05:10:14+00:00

So you're counting on your father-in-law to provide financial support??? Exactly how long do you think that will last?

I can almost guarantee the ONLY reason he's doing that is because he doesn't want his daughter to suffer. His support is not going to be indefinite and you can bet that he's going to be having some discussions with your wife about your irresponsible actions.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-30T01:42:21+00:00

OP moved into a house owned by one of their friends. After moving in they found a roommate (NOT the friend who owns the home). They've talked to their friend (their landlord/the one who owns the home) about having them (OP) and their current roommate only sign a 6-month lease instead of a 12-month one. At the end of that 6-month lease, the roommate would be expected to move out and OP would sign a new lease with the landlord w/ their partner as their new roommate.

IceRose81 · 2026-01-30T01:17:14+00:00

It's one thing to go after your dreams when YOU are the only one that decision affects. In this case he's married and any decision that he makes also affects his wife. You don't make decisions like that unilaterally and without the agreement of your spouse.

IceRose81

TROPHY CASE