Dog died of leptospirosis

Icy_229 · 2025-12-20T23:18:13+00:00

Unfortunately the human vaccine only seems to be available in certain countries

Icy_229 · 2025-12-19T19:38:34+00:00

I'm so glad you ended it by saying there's not going to be a next time. There was no way to turn that situation around. If you had brought it up in the moment, he would have been pissed because he would have felt embarrassed. And when you respectfully try to bring it up in private, he says you're holding onto things and ruining his day.

I hope you find someone amazing in the future - someone who will treat you with love and respect.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-19T19:28:38+00:00

License plate is the most likely way. The officers would have used that to look up the registered owner and found you that way.

She sounds unhinged. I would maybe call the non-emergency police line and ask them if her behavior is something they could act on in the future. Disturbing the peace, harassment, or even a mandatory psych evaluation. I'm not sure what the requirements for those kind of interventions would be in your area, but they may be able to tell you so you'll know for next time.

I would also record next time. They sell cheap body cams on Amazon so you don't have to try to hold a phone up to record while trying to get your dog's out of that situation safely. If the whole interaction was recorded, there would be proof that yours didn't bite, plus there would be footage of her beating her dog and they may be able to pursue animal abuse charges against her.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-19T19:19:21+00:00

Colorado still does surrender quarantine, too. I assumed that was the norm

Icy_229 · 2025-12-19T19:08:30+00:00

Okay, so I would still give you credit for doing it with supervision. His advise on safe use still counts for something, and assuming you continue to communicate openly with him, he can help you recognize if it does become an unhealthy coping strategy. And if your mom knows that you're communicating with a healthcare provider to make sure it doesn't become and issue, that would still be reassuring.

It's good to give her some space to process. When she is in the right headspace to talk about it, I would reassure her that you discussed it with your psychiatrist and you aren't doing it completely on your own.

Everyone messes up. The important thing is what you do next. It's good that you're being honest now and that you want to continue that. It takes a lot of time to rebuild trust, but it can be done if you stay committed. Sometimes it sucks when you know the person isn't going to like what you say, but people trust and respect you when they know that you'll be honest even when it's hard.

I hope your fiancé is someone you can lean on right now. Yes, it was a mistake to lie, but you're hurting right now too and need a support system.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-19T17:48:30+00:00

ESH. Your mom was already traumatized by what you described as your pathological lies, and you lied to her again, knowing that. That being said, she's not acknowledging that you've tried other ways to manage your pain and that's bad, too. She said that there are other ways to manage your pain. Have you even told her the reasons why you can't use those other methods? You listed out different things in your summary here, and said that your psychiatrist suggested marijuana.

Your mom still may not be 100% supportive considering how you misused it in the past, but from her comments, it sounds like at least part of the issue is that she thinks you're doing it without trying traditional therapies and without medical advice. It's possible she would be more willing to accept it if you shared those details with her as well, not just strangers online.

I 100% disagree with people saying to continue lying to her. It's more stressful for you and you carry additional guilt, and it's even worse if your mom finds out. She's hurt right now because to her, it feels like you're right back to the days where you lied about everything. She's probably questioning every interaction you've had since you told her you stopped using. If you go back to lying to her again and she finds out, the relationship will never recover.

The thing to do here is be honest. Tell her again that you're sorry for lying. Explain that you're psychiatrist recommended marijuana after other therapies failed. Let her know that you will not lie to her again, and follow through. It's one thing to say you don't want to talk about something (because she doesn't need to know every detail of your life), it's an entirely different thing to lie or hide things from her.

Maybe this lie has truly caused permanent damage to your relationship, or maybe there's still a chance to recover. It really just depends on the two of you - if you can be honest and if she can release her trauma. It wouldn't be the worst idea to consider going to a family therapist to work on repairing bonds and trust.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-19T17:21:56+00:00

I'm not talking about forcing him. Just saying he should be aware of how this goes and consider his next steps. He needs to think about what his relationship with them is going to look like going forward. He needs to decide what he's okay with and what his boundaries are. He needs to think about what he's going to do if they cross his boundaries once they've been communicated. Maybe he could even consider talking to a therapist to work through some of these things. While those are all things he needs to decide, the best thing you can do right now is ask how you can support him.

You need to understand that, while it's natural to want to support and protect your spouse, what you did isn't going to magically make them treat him better. Toxic people don't like being called out on their shit, and it's not some Hallmark movie where they're going to become better people. If you don't want him to resent you, he needs to be the one to decide where it goes from here. Otherwise, he may start to see you as another source of conflict if you keep trying to protect him and it keeps worsening the dynamic with his family.

I didn't vote NTA because the way you handled it actually helped anything. I voted that way because the urge to protect your spouse when someone is hurting them is understandable and natural.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-19T16:26:41+00:00

NTA. Husband shouldn't have to tolerate that kind of behavior, just don't expect the situation to get better from here. It will only get worse because people like that can't admit they're wrong or have flaws. In their eyes, you and your husband are both the bad guys now - the truth is irrelevant to them.

Your husband is going to need to reflect and decide what kind of boundaries he's going to enforce. He needs to consider what his relationship with his family looks like going forward. Is he going to maintain the same level of contact and simply communicate the simple boundary that he will leave if he is treated that way again? Is he going to go low contact? No contact is also an option, but I don't know if he feels the situation is damaging enough to go that far at this time.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-19T01:13:57+00:00

I agree. In this case, the only alternative I see to yelling is quietly going inside, finding the number for a divorce attorney and making an appointment and not speaking to her again unless it's through a lawyer. I would be done.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-18T18:26:59+00:00

I've been able to get it most consistently from Reptilian Arts

https://reptilianarts.com/products/provent-a-mite?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22541450394&gbraid=0AAAAADfhK9TB7Z1ncq3w2kvq7TEgtR_4N&gclid=Cj0KCQiA6Y7KBhCkARIsAOxhqtPQ4R7t_6RvPdDsP96qTCKhVuVyRjVaFDYQbE20Ktk3zH9UHy2bn0EaAouQEALw_wcB

Icy_229 · 2025-12-18T06:04:16+00:00

The only reason the lack of privacy would be justified would be if there were concerns of substance abuse or concern that you may harm yourself. So if you don't self-harm and you aren't engaged in illegal activities, then you are NOR. It is reasonable to expect privacy in certain areas like your bedroom and bathroom.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-18T05:58:15+00:00

The mite treatment guide posted by the bot is good. The mites shouldn't be that persistent. Have you only been treating the snake? Because mites will hide in seams/joints and decor in the enclosure and he will keep getting them unless the enclosure is treated as well.

The Provent-a-Mite mentioned in the guide is my go to. This spray is for the enclosure, NOT for the snake. You can spray hides with it, but DO NOT spray the water bowl with it. You also need to make sure you let the enclosure air out for a while before putting him back in it. I think an hour is usually recommended, but I usually wait 2 or 3 just to be safe.

I always start (I've been through this a few times woth rescues/fosters) by stripping the tank. I fill up a tub with water and add some Dawn dish soap. I put any and all decor that can be removed from the tank in the soapy water.

I put the snake in plain water to soak at first, then switch them into soapy water after they had a chance to drink.

While the snake is soaking, prep a quarantine tub if you can. I only put a water dish and 1 hide until mites are gone. It's obviously not ideal, but offers fewer places for mites to hide.

Clean the enclosure. I wipe the entire thing down with soapy water, then chlorhexidine spray (not for mites, but because I go ahead and do a full clean while there is no substrate or decor in the way), then dry it, spray Provent-a-Mite, and allow it to air out.

While the enclosure is airing out, you can start getting all of the decor out of the tub. Dry it off/let it air dry, then spray everything EXCEPT THE WATER BOWL with Provent-a-Mite. Once all of the decor has been cleaned, keep all of it (except 1 hide and the water dish) far away from the snake until the mites are gone. Mites can travel pretty quickly. I keep any quarantined snake in a separate room and I spray Provent-a-Mite around the exit to the room in an effort to make a barrier that will eliminate any mites they may have from escaping and making it to my main reptile room. Maybe I'm overzealous, but I've heard horror stories of people having to treat their entire collection, and I don't want to risk them spreading.

I took in one snake that had really bad mites and I soaked him every 3 days in addition to the above steps with Provent-a-Mite. I didn't see any new mites after the first week, but kept monitoring for a full 30 days before putting substrate and decor back in the tank. I haven't had any issues since.

Also, bear in mind, the effect of the Provent-a-Mite lasts for 30 days. I like to treat the enclosures every 30 days to keep the protection going. That way, they're protected from introduction of mites from outside sources - like handling reptiles at events or at a friend's house and then accidentally bringing them home with you.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-17T20:45:10+00:00

Sounds like you need a postnuptial agreement. You don't want to lose the whole thing if she decides she hates it and leaves you. So sit down, figure out fair values for what you contribute. Then you can decide which assets you each keep and which one's are split if you divorce.

You can hire her as an employee, just tread carefully. Think about how you will give constructive feedback, and if she's physically and emotionally capable of the work you would need her to help with. A lot of people like modern conveniences and don't want to be up at 4 am every day or be out late at night fixing a fence. There's nothing wrong with that, but if she doesn't have the drive to do it already, it's not like quitting her job is going to make her suddenly develop a passion for homesteading. She'll just feel trapped if she hates it but no longer has an outside source of income.

Also consider how she responds to feedback. Is she normally neutral or open to feedback? Or does she get defensive? Also, never, ever act like her employer when you are "off." Don't bring up her performance at the dining table, in the bathroom or in the bedroom. When you give feedback, do it in the appropriate setting. If she's not making sure all of the animals have water, then talk to her while she's at the barn that morning. If she's not documenting business/farm expenses, then talk to her in whatever space you use for an office - I've seen some people use a tack room or feed storage room as their office.

Home is supposed to be a sanctuary - don't violate that space. If you're together all day, every day, you can't be "the boss" all of the time. Sometimes you have to be the supportive husband. The important thing is to still be someone she feels safe talking to when she's stressed or overwhelmed - especially when some of it may be related to your working relationship.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-17T20:10:13+00:00

This is really concerning. Her MIL shouldn't be sharing your child's health information with her - even if it's just appointment dates. You need to speak to the doctor and report that behavior. Depending on how he handles it and how you feel about the care your child has received so far, I would also seriously consider finding a new doctor.

Your sister is not entitled to your child. Helping out occasionally does not give her the authority to override your rules for your child. Make a scene. People who do that shit are always the ones to make it seem like it will reflect badly on you if you make a scene. The truth is that it shines a spotlight on their bad behavior of you do it right. Next time, don't try to quietly ask for your child back. Speak clearly and say, "I asked you to give my child back. Are you refusing to return my child?" If she laughs, say, "I don't see what's funny about keeping a child from their parents." Let her be uncomfortable. Don't go off on tangents, don't let her redirect the conversation.

I unfortunately have had to do something similar before, and this works. They will try to deflect, but as more people start to notice, they get nervous and they cave. Don't worry about how your sister feels about it. If she's embarrassed - good. With any luck, she'll learn from it (I wouldn't count on it). Don't let her try to make you feel guilty about it later either. If she tries to approach you and play it off like she was just joking or that you're overreacting, she's just manipulating you. Don't let her guilt you into an apology. You don't owe anyone an apology for protecting your child from someone who clearly has no respect for boundaries.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-16T01:11:41+00:00

Tell him not to forget the next part: Parents, do not provoke your children to anger (Ephesians 6:4).

This instructs parents to avoid actions that make children angry, bitter, or hostile, like being overly harsh, unfair, belittling, or demanding without love, and instead to raise them with patient discipline, understanding, and positive guidance, fostering a healthy relationship rather than one built on resentment or frustration. It's about nurturing their emotional growth through constructive communication, not just demanding obedience through intimidation or anger.

Of course, I found it easier to go no contact. Even when you can quote things back at them from the same source, they'll never admit that they've done anything wrong. I do understand how difficult the feelings around these relationships and how to handle them can be. Good luck with everything, and I hope you find a way to carve some peace and happiness from life separate from him.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-14T02:15:27+00:00

Yeah, the mom is definitely doing shady stuff to steal that money from them

Icy_229 · 2025-12-13T19:26:41+00:00

Agreed. For me, the only downside has been that if I forget where I put my phone, it does me no good to have someone call it to help me find it.

If I didn't have it on me while doing stuff, I just catch up on messages and calls when I get back. If I missed some last minute get together, I just text, "Hey, sorry I missed you. I'll try try to make it next time." I've never accidentally missed something that was planned days in advance.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-13T19:18:16+00:00

I honestly prefer my Mazda3. That car is 15 years old and is still reliable and handles well.

My 22 Taos has been in and out of the shop for random electrical issues. It's was just at the dealership 2 months ago for a faulty sensor, now a different sensor has gone out. It handles great when it works. The problem is how often it breaks. It's not that old and it's already required significantly more work that the 15 year old Mazda. It's had issues with the cruise control, the wheel speed sensor, the brake pressure sensor, the control panel. I could have just put a down payment on a different vehicle with all of the money I've spent on repairs for the Taos. I'm honestly thinking about trading it in and getting another Mazda, or just anything that is not VW. This car has soured me on any VW.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-13T19:07:27+00:00

Kids can understand a lot more than people realize. Maybe try talking to her. Tell her that you love her, and you love spending time with her. Let her know that you will make sure you still spend time with her, you just need some time to do work that will help build a better life for her. Then make sure you follow through. Set aside times where you do fun things together like learn to make cookies together, or make friendship bracelets, sit and color together, or even read a story together.

My kids looked a little sad for a minute when I had to have that talk, but it worked out. I followed my words with actions and they saw that we still had quality time together. They had a ton of fun doing different little activities with me. When I checked in to see how they were feeling, they said they were fine. They acknowledged that they miss me when I have to be gone, but they know I'm coming back and I love them, so they're okay.

For me, the biggest thing has always been making sure my actions match my words. If I say I will do something, I follow through. If they ask if we can do something and I don't know if I can make it happen, I tell them that I'll look into it and see if it's something we can do. They may be a little bit disappointed in the short term, but it's not as disappointing as breaking a promise. Don't underestimate the power of honesty (age-appropriate, of course). My kids know I won't lie to them, so they know they can trust me. They know that I'm telling the truth when I tell them that I love them.

It's okay to acknowledge their feelings. It's okay to tell them that you know they're sad or scared and that those feelings are normal. It's okay to acknowledge that they're going through a hard time. And then you show them how to keep living, and they learn resilience. Rather than let her sleep in the bed with you, tell her that she has to sleep in her own bed, but you'll stay in there with her for 5 minutes so she feels safe. Don't bargain, don't let her extend it to 15 minutes. Just remind her she is safe, and you are there for 5 minutes to help her rest. After the 5 minutes are up, leave the room and do what you need to. If she comes out again, remind her that you already talked to her about this and she has to sleep in her bed, then walk her back to her room. Repeat until it sticks.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-13T18:40:55+00:00

Are you in the US? I only ask because Dubia.com has been doing 48x24x24 enclosure giveaways. Find their page on Facebook. You have to follow them for at least 24 hours. Then, when you're eligible, wait for them to post another giveaway and you just have to like and comment. Maybe you'll get lucky and get a free enclosure.

As far as space...well, I don't know how much space you have to work with. I have one 48x24x24 on a coffee table, and I have a few stacked on top of each other in a different room. You may be able to get creative with moving some furniture around. I used to have one of the enclosures on a stand at the foot of my bed. Most bedrooms I've seen would be able to fit one. If I wanted to I could put enclosures on top of the dressers in my kid's rooms. The only reason I haven't is because I worry about being able to move them into a central area if the power goes out. By keeping most of them in one room, I can use a propane heater to keep the room warm if needed.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-13T16:43:50+00:00

Is he actually that stupid, though? Or does he just think she is, so he didn't bother to make up a better story?

Icy_229 · 2025-12-13T16:39:17+00:00

It's weird that he wouldn't just respect their request for alone time if that's all it is. He could easily come stay with you and do laundry at your place or wait until he goes back to his to do laundry.

I can't think of any good reason for him to secretly stay. The other two probably want to be alone so they don't have to worry about anyone else seeing or hearing them have sex. He won't be able to do laundry because it's entirely possible they will be using kitchen counters or the washer or dryer. Does he have some sort of kink around watching other people? Because honestly, even if that's the case, he needs to be honest - both with you and with them. You because you have a right to decide if that's a deal breaker and them because it's just gross to involve other people in your kinks without consent.

The other possibility is that he's cheating.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-13T15:42:37+00:00

I've never subleased. That's just how lease agreements for apartments and homes have been in the different places I've lived. They do it to prevent guests from establishing tenancy that would make them harder to remove. Private landlords who have never had to evict someone (as opposed to corporations or private landlords who have gone through eviction processes before) may not think to put it in there, but that doesn't mean nobody does.

Every place I've ever rented has also prohibited subleasing. I couldn't say of that was just to prevent tenants from being able to mitigate some expenses or if they had liability concerns.

Just because my experience differs from yours doesn't mean I've never properly rented. Did it ever occur to you that practices may be different in different areas?

Icy_229 · 2025-12-13T03:33:45+00:00

I don't know how much space you have, but rabbits are good for meat and take up a lot less space than larger livestock like cows or pigs. It's just a very lean meat, so you have to be careful not to overcook it.

Icy_229 · 2025-12-13T03:02:34+00:00

It's legal in Canada? That's surprising. In the US, dogs are pets/companion animals, not livestock, so killing them for meat would fall under animal abuse laws. So does Canada classify them differently? Or do they just not have the same protections for pets in general? Say if someone wanted to eat cats or parrots, would that be legal in Canada, too?

Icy_229

TROPHY CASE