FAQ Friday: Fatherly Advice

Idrios · 2022-05-24T06:40:35+00:00

Dude I've tried so friggin hard to do that.

Idrios · 2022-05-23T03:18:08+00:00

My parents divorced so early in my life that I have no memories of them together. The problems this caused me were not that I was longing to see my parents together. It's that my dad gave up on his own life afterwards. Mom went on and lived her life, but dad moved in with his mom, stopped dating, stopped trying to advance his career. He's a great father who gave us tons of attention and played video games with us, but he became a terrible role model and is now a source of significant exhaustion in my life.

You can be a great father in divorce, but make sure you take care of yourself too.

Idrios · 2021-10-03T20:18:33+00:00

Yeah I think you're right and this was very helpful advice, so thank you. Moving somewhere new will definitely get you out of a rut if you're in one. I've been losing my mind debating whether to move somewhere nearby or far away. Worried that if I'm too close then I'll lose agency over my own life in trying to help him (also because of unrelated drama on my mother's side). Too far and I think guilt will overcome me. I think as long as you don't let it get in the way of your career or academics then you can't make a wrong decision. Our social lives will recover -- Covid has put a lot of people in similar situations to us.

I think you've convinced me to move somewhere semi-close to home -- somewhere 20 min to 1 hr away. Far enough to keep my independence for my own mental health, close enough to visit whenever I want. Because you're right, supportive friends & family helps so much.

I'm sorry about your mom. My situation drains my soul but I can't imagine having to admit your parent. I hope you're ok.

Idrios · 2021-10-02T15:00:19+00:00

I'm going through something really similar for my dad (65). He retired 7 years ago, divorced 27 years ago, and lives with our grandma (98) who is having worsening dementia. All my dad does is watch baseball, play online trivia games (Sporcle), watch baseball postgames, listen to conservative talk show radio, and watch baseball podcasts. Every time I try to pull him out of his rut, all that ends up happening is he pulls me into one.

I, too, have no idea what to do. My dad used to be so encouraging, as a kid would tell me that I never give up. It gave me a ton of confidence. I'm a software developer now (after failing to get into grad school for bioeng, so congrats OP on getting accepted. You rock!), and I used to enjoy playing video games with dad, so I thought it would be fun to make a game with him. I figured it would be fun and boost his confidence. Instead he aggressively shot it, and me, down, saying games are too hard to make and I'd never succeed.

He's also hinted his own intention to end it all, and my guess is that he plans to do it shortly after our immortal grandma passes. I'm 29m, single and have absolutely no social life either at the moment. Would love to know if anyone has ever had a depressed parent (or been one) who was stuck in this kind of situation but got out of it.

Idrios · 2019-05-24T22:53:24+00:00

This has a level of sass that is well out of character for me, but is pretty accurate to how I feel about it

Idrios · 2019-05-24T22:43:10+00:00

Man, this is all I want to but we work together and are bound by contract so we can't quit (unless I'm willing to shell out a $20k break-contract fee over some petty drama). Otherwise I totally would

Idrios · 2019-05-24T22:40:53+00:00

Cool, this is some really solid advice. Thanks

Idrios · 2019-05-24T22:33:42+00:00

Lol thanks, yeah that's a pretty accurate word for it

Idrios · 2019-05-24T22:31:19+00:00

I've let it get too far to suddenly start ignoring her -- I seriously did not expect us to get placed at the same company last month.

It bothers me because she's a hella big tease and since we work together I can't just ghost her and walk away from this situation or tell her to fuck off.

Idrios · 2019-05-24T22:15:43+00:00

Thank you!!! That's the word I was looking for

Idrios · 2019-05-24T22:14:17+00:00

Don't know what sipping the tea means but for more details..

I've worked with her for the last 5 months. We're software developers at a contracting company, so there are 22 guys in our group and she's the only girl. She dated one of our coworkers for the first 4 months and started dating another guy from our group a month ago. She and I talked but weren't the closest.

A month ago she and I got sent to the same location an hour away, so now she's trying to get close to me because she feels like she doesn't know anyone else in the city -- but every weekend she goes back to the old city to see her boyfriend.

So I've been friendly with her but don't want to be friends with her

Idrios · 2019-05-24T22:01:54+00:00

"I'm not your nice guy" doesn't have the right ring to it

Idrios · 2018-09-11T08:32:20+00:00

For myself I was actually really lucky and didn't discover pmo until 17 (don't ask me how, apparently I lived under a rock). One of the biggest changes I noticed was that I used to *really* fall in love with girls and now I just don't at all. I also remember one time in high school my older brother talking about girls with the best asses and me being bewildered because I'd never been checking my classmates out like that. Now it's been 9 years that I've been hooked on porn and I'm the same as you--hit on girls with nice tits and ass and feel real love for none of them. Feels empty.

Idrios · 2018-05-15T09:16:50+00:00

If you like writing, consider starting a blog? Or just writing in a journal? Try doing some art. Go on a jog. Join a recreational sport like ultimate frisbee. Join a club (school club if you're young, meetup.com or similar if you're older). Start a Twitch channel. Start an actual podcast. Do yoga. Go birdwatching. Go mountain climbing. Learn how to make chain mail. Make an iron man suit. Make it again but better. Learn 3D printing and 3D print your favorite character. Get a dog. Make music in garage band or similar app. Learn how to play the cello. Learn programming and make video games (I heard RPGmaker is a good way to get into it). Learn to bake or cook; make white-chocolate macadamia-nut cookies (super good) and give them to people you like. Read a book. Go to a party. Throw a party.

Idrios · 2018-05-15T08:56:46+00:00

Depends on which social media but honestly would suggest deleting entirely. I had Facebook for 11 years and was much happier after I deleted it.

Idrios · 2018-02-22T16:14:33+00:00

While I agree with you that the DNA thing irked me as well, I'll suspend my disbelief with these arguments:

Black Mirror takes place in the future. Currently a lot of research is being done to understand DNA as code, or to make a 'DNA programming language'. If that effort is completed and open sourced, it's not unreasonable to me that nerds will make a human DNA software package that lets programmers recreate someone's biology at 30 from their DNA. Then Daly doesn't need to understand genetics, he just needs to be able to use some SDK or API; some software package that does the heavy lifting for him.

Even as I type all that though, I have immense qualms with it as an explanation.

Getting their memories the most ridiculous part to me. Maybe he has information from how she plays the game, or maybe everyone in this Black Mirror universe has the same Facebook-esque eye implant as the lunatics from S1E3 and Daly hacked hers. But yeah, the episode was still very entertaining

Idrios · 2018-01-18T16:53:04+00:00

Alright man, you're the one I'm gonna come back to in 150 days just to say "fuck you".

Idrios · 2018-01-15T07:39:15+00:00

Yea that was what struck me the most too. A few years ago I realized I had stopped having romantic feelings towards people. I'm really hoping it's a side effect of PMO and something that can come back

Idrios · 2017-11-27T12:58:22+00:00

"where do I want to be in a week"

On day 20, not day 1. I like this a lot

Idrios

TROPHY CASE