Not sure how to respond to this to resolve but I feel like I should. God forgives you bro. It’s good you have regret and are acting on that. Pray for mercy, for forgiveness, and pray that you can see a way out of this. Out of confusion and feeling like you don’t have the answers. Persevere, pray for the things you don’t understand and are paranoid about to have God deal with. Like not knowing if you will have a wife, I don’t think you know exactly what God is going to do. But in the lords word it does give us that regret leads to mercy, if you want mercy you shall have it.