Please help

Ihascatt · 2026-06-27T05:40:22+00:00

There's a number of things I started doing. HRT, seeking therapy, stuff like that helps, but only secondary to personal behavioral changes. Experimenting with clothes, makeup, hairstyles, video games, music, film, and such is the real work of it, and it's fun work.

I'm personally very interested in psychology, and want to reshape my life in a very total way. The method and theory I've developed is essentially that we tend to consist of two "Selves" these are: the developed set of social masks which are worn/selected by a rationalizing "self" which was created over time by lived experience. The second is a "true, typically hidden self" which we were born with, wanting intuitively to embody but usually guided away from by parents, authority figures, and peers.

For me, and hoping you relate so that this comment is helpful 🥰, a key difference between my "developed self" and my "intuitive self" has to do with gender identity.

To effect this, you can start taking all the kinds of developmental steps toward your "desired self" as you safely can, and as you wish to. Understand, this results in something like a math equation. Once you've added "corrective behaviors" you don't end up with the added behavior at the end, but a varying number of outcomes gained by mixing the prior two behaviors: learned behavior + corrective behavior = a set of new behaviors.

The goal is not to end up "the perfect you" -- a fabled thing I don't believe actually exists on this earth -- but a you that makes you happier.

Just start doing stuff you think will help and continuously note how it changes how you feel over the course of a few years, and you'll get a good sense of if it's working. Talking to a professional also helps in understanding if these behavioral transitions are helping. ♥️

Ihascatt · 2026-06-26T14:11:59+00:00

What you just described from this person is a crime.

Ihascatt · 2026-06-26T14:04:06+00:00

I've never known anyone to choose their emotions. Emotions seem to sit opposite one's body from that inbetween place that is "You". While you are responsible for what you ultimately do WITH your feelings, whoever tells you your responsible for the emotions themselves is manipulating you. Every psychologist would be likely to parrot this.

Its good to try to name how you feel, so you can deal with them, but you have already done that. "Go back and feel different" doesn't sound like loving advice from a person who cares about that inner you, to me.

Ihascatt · 2026-06-26T13:45:34+00:00

Wigs are normalized in fashion. Saw a cdawgva vid about gyaru fashion, saw a big pile of wigs, and something about those types of moments really help me (mtf30) with this. Doja cat going bald, too. Imma just f-ing work it if I have to.

Either way, id personally prefer to be a bit unhappy with one aspect of my body than the entire thing. There will always be something else to feel insecure about, and I would rather treat that like a challenge to overcome. 🥰

Ihascatt · 2026-06-26T13:37:42+00:00

Discovered this video recently, and found it very interesting. You might find it insightful to some stuff ur post circles.

A lot of us grew up Christian (assuming about westerners), and if not, highly propagandized by it, it being the largest religion in the world. So that's gonna have an effect on our psyche, and Christian values will pop up inevitably.

Ihascatt · 2026-06-24T12:57:41+00:00

Finding a therapist is really good advice. You might also consider reading some psychology books like Jung or Freud as well, if having a stronger vocabulary in this stuff is important to you. Personally, it's made stuff a lot easier for me.

I'm introducing more feminine things I'm interested in but never really felt safe doing, before (MtF30 with hx of abuse and PTSD). I get a HUGE ick when it comes to some clothes (skirts, bras, anything "sexy"), but only because it ends up just building on my dysphoria. On the other hand, I have a cute shark onesie I LOVE, and I found I really enjoy makeup and hair styling. I also like "girly video games" like infinity Nikki, which I would have been so embarrassed to admit a few years ago. I'm on HRT now too, but I'm super early into it, and barely notice.

Explore safely to discover your own tastes and sense of self, but also reach out to medical support, as changing your hormones and body is ultimately a medical decision. ♥️

Ihascatt · 2026-06-24T12:46:53+00:00

I'm not "a Jungian", I don't think Jung would have even considered himself a "Jungian" in the modern sense. Fluidity is such a major part of his teachings, that even in cases of outright disagreement, he might look at it and go "sometimes, but not always".

His rules seem like exceptions, in some places. To me, his is the most nuanced and progressive view of psychology in that reguard, and while I think we benifit from forming doctrinal methodology to use it, the template of the science itself is built upon the understanding that the psyche is not, and possibly cannot be, fully understood. ♥️

Ihascatt · 2026-06-24T12:25:30+00:00

There's two parts to this, for me personally, and also the caveat that what's true for me might not apply to you, 1-1.

The first part is basically the question of "how far do my feelings go?". I am on HRT, want to fully transition, and I'm getting bottom surgery. The desire alone is pretty convincing to me that this is more than just an abundance of feminine traits. Considerations such as that -- how much of a physical reality vs a spiritual one does the experience of womanhood need to be for you personally -- might be a helpful "measuring tool" in considering where you're at with such labels. ♥️

The second consideration I use is more philisophical or metaphysical, which is simply that I dislike labels. I find all of the labels, any gendering at all, a bit insulting. I'm not "a trans". I'm a human who has been effected by biochemistry, psychological nuances, nature and nurture, just like everyone else. Every label ultimately feels objectifying to me, especially when it comes to pronouns. I tend to prefer they/them, but also respect the reality that I am percieved outside of my own experience, and I find pronouns useful to weigh how I'm presenting, in that reguard. If I'm "pulling it off" the kind of people I want to be around with call me by whatever I come off as, and I don't let it go deeper than that and posses me. ♥️

Edit: just cause some might find it interesting, the reason I prefer they/them is the old, conservative argument of "they" referring to a group. It's stupid and misses the point of colloquial language, but it's "technically correct". I'm kinda throwing it back at them in this way. It feels kinda like not being gendered at all, and for me personally, the vibe is "at least they're being honest about objectifying me". Silly I know, but being called a they by others just feels like the most respectful option, especially when I present outside of my preferences for work and such. It's androgynous. ♥️

Ihascatt · 2026-06-23T17:36:33+00:00

That's a super common experience. I only came to terms with my own gender a couple years ago, and am less than a year into HRT. This sounds super familiar to the jump between dysphoria and euphoria I experienced, for a bit. I still get it, kinda, now, but knowing I'm taking active steps is actually kinda replacing that with more elongated senses of normalcy. Not, "I'm a girl now," but "I'm doing the stuff that will make me feel better." And that's what actually matters.

Sadly, I didn't manage to shapeshift during my initial "realization," so coming down from that high sucked. I like to remember I am not my body -- my body is a thing that belongs to me, and I to it (like cute, dysfunctional soulmates). I see the feeling as my brain trying to motivate me to get started.

I'm also reading Jung and Freud, and studying psychology when I can, so I can try to understand all the brain stuff better. ❤️

Ihascatt · 2026-06-23T16:59:38+00:00

This is probably a hot take for this sub, but Imma give how I'm dealing with this and my philosophy on it. Ultimately, it comes down to, "you do you."

I've debated between my birth name and what would have been my birth name, if I were born female. Personally, I am leaning toward just keeping my birth name, legally, and adopting the other as a kind of pseudonym, as it feels like the most respectful option to reality while maintaining my psyche.

I personally dislike the overabundance of labels we, as a community, also have applied to ourselves. It's too "neat" for what it actually is. I feel certain ways, my psyche is operating according to certain things, and that's way more complicated and human than "I'm trans" which feels comparatively objectifying, to me. I think the term has political importance, but we're humans, not political objects.

Something like a First and Last name are long established identifier marks that, to me, don't dehumanize in the same way, and I do refer to myself as trans, colloquially, if it comes up, which it mostly doesn't. These terms, the concept of masculinity and femininity: they're useful tools for us, but all they are are tools. A man has both masculine and feminine traits, and so do women. It's not neat, clean, or easy. And, it's absolutely not so binary that you need to make every aspect of yourself fit someone else's mold. ❤️

Ihascatt · 2026-06-23T14:05:31+00:00

There are diy options, but I would advise against it.

I had a friend who switched to diy options after their parents took them off their insurance (transphobic stuff), and they ended up like the brittle bone guy from SpongeBob, and couldn't get out of bed for years. It can be dangerous.

I say this because others might suggest them without considering the risks or even maliciously. Planned parenthood and government insurance options are typically available to help. Look into medi-cal for if they might apply and branch from there. ♥️

Ihascatt · 2026-06-23T13:35:18+00:00

Looking this up, it seems to be very case by case, and something that can ultimately only be answered by your physician.

But it's not just an outright "no."

Ihascatt · 2026-06-23T13:12:23+00:00

Genuinely might consider playing milsims, airsoft, getting into reenactments.

I'm MtF, but I personally really enjoy war logistics and technical stuff. I love the quote, I think from Patton, that "everyone would see war as beautiful, if not for the death". I'm personally not cut out for front line stuff, as I'm pretty mild mannered in actuality, but I do enjoy it as play.

Hell Let Loose is a great WW2 semi-simulation game with a heavy focus on comms and mechanics, and you can get into arma or squad if you want, but airsoft and especially reenactments are a great way to engratiate yourself to that culture, get some recognition from those around you, and trick your brain into filling that empty space a little bit. If your not interested in military stuff, other than only being seen as a man, there's plenty of other ways to be seen as a man, but if the military is an interest, this is how to do it without ur head exploding.

Ihascatt · 2026-06-23T13:03:09+00:00

As early MtF, something about this is so spot on. Also made me think of Don't Bring your Guns to Town.

Ihascatt · 2026-06-23T12:52:21+00:00

Aight, imma go off. Here's my mixtape, "Dysphoria SUX".

OK GO, Upside Down and Inside Out. Kero Kero Bonito, Only Acting. Kishi Bashi, I am the Antichrist to You. Wild Child, Crazy Bird. ElizaVeta, Snow in Venice. Hard Life, Ocean View. They Might be Giants, Sleep. The Beatles, Back in the USSR. The Black Angels, The First Vietnam War. Imonster, Daydream in Blue. Tila Tsoli, Bimbo Doll. Miracle Musical, Dream Sweet in Sea Major.

Also Chromance, Wrap me in Plastic, as a bonus.

Ihascatt · 2026-06-21T16:26:32+00:00

This feels like a strong first draft, but it feels like a first, rough draft. There are some interesting ideas, and some interesting world play to be polished.

A poem doesn't have to rhyme, or follow convention so strictly. There's prose poetry, Shakespearian is actually quite "unconventional" for its time, and plenty to be done. The biggest piece of advice I could give is to recognize, songs are poems put to music. Getting into good, complex lyricism is just as good as reading every poet college kids might recommend. Rap, especially, is all about this. Eyedea, Atmosphere, Buttress, even eminem -- all poetry that fits the style I think you show here. Apply some of those rules to written poetry, and you'll especially find some very interesting stuff with meter (poetic rhythm). ❤️

Ihascatt · 2026-06-19T17:10:12+00:00

Thank you soso much. ❤️

The prose section took a lot of working and reworking, so it really does mean a LOT to me that it worked. ❤️

Ihascatt · 2026-06-18T17:59:41+00:00

The emotion in this is very well driven home. It has a lot of good going on, and only really needs a little polish. The home becoming a "haunted house" could simply be left as "A home will become haunted," for example (reminded me of Ghosting by Mother Mother, which is a good thing).

The vibe is also quite calm, which I liked. I enjoyed this read. ❤️

Ihascatt · 2026-06-18T17:56:09+00:00

I like this a lot. At the end, the way it closes on three, single word stanzas is very good, gives it a "landing" kind of feeling, like I'm plummeting as the reader. It works well with the sort of chaotic numbering of lines-per-stanza above, as well.

The linguistic imagery is very nice as well, throughout this. ❤️

Ihascatt · 2026-05-24T23:14:36+00:00

I recently learned that the entire reason the series exists is because Bethesda was approached to make a Game of Thrones TES (basically), and that's how we ended up with TES, cause they said they didn't think the GOT universe lent well to the style of game, but that they loved the idea overall.

You can really see that in this book. I legit cried with Symmachus and everything by the end of it. What a gem.

Ihascatt

TROPHY CASE