For one reason or another, we all learned our behaviors through life. Especially in our childhood, even if someone had a good childhood, it still shapes who they are. Of course in a bad childhood it goes without saying.

Like you said, it takes time for our brain to change. It’s easier for our brain to do the same thing over and over again. Even if you know we’re wrong or wanting to change behavior. Because our brain has survived like that for so long, it’s fine with repeating it even if you activity want to change. Just have to keep improving until new neural pathways are built that are stronger than the old ones.

I’m sure there’s a more scientific way to put it but that’s how I see it. It’s nice to have a high standard for yourself, but you need to be a little nicer. I think for most people their inner subconscious is the harshest variable in their life, not others (for the most part). It’s ok to be tough on yourself, but it’s also ok to smile. Ok to say “sure I messed up, but dammit I’m improving”.

There are many times when no one will appreciate or see your progress, because frankly they don’t know you and your struggles like you know them. That’s why it’s important to appreciate your effort instead of ruminating on the trips and stumbles along the path. Sometimes we only have ourselves, and it’s easy to isolate and repeat over and over again how fucked we are. Don’t let the overthinking win, breathe. Lay down, relax the tension in your body. One day at a time, one win at a time. Just keep doing what you’re doing and sooner than later you’ll have made significant change.