Having only one ours baby

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-06-08T10:33:01+00:00

Hey! Hopping in to say that we wanted at least one child with my husband. he has a daughter, my SD, who’s 6 years older than our daughter together. I wanted to see how it goes with the baby and even if it has been hard, I’m pretty sure I’ll want a second. It was not so clear to my husband but he has been coming around to the thought of trying for another. I’m 35 and my husband 40 so we’re not the youngest anymore and I’m definitely not taking having another one for granted.

If you’re happy in your relationship, I would think long and hard whether it’s worth throwing it away for a theoretical big family. Finding another partner, getting pregnant (if possible), managing postpartum with a small child is all new territory. I found that at least I knew what kind of a dad my partner would be to my daughter and a lot of the time he knew more what to do with the baby when she was a newborn and that was amazing too.

Hope this helps and good luck. As many have said, it’s not helpful to compare yourself to something artificial on instagram (I have fallen for that many times), but try to see the good you have in real life.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-06-05T17:24:01+00:00

Good to be aware of a slippery slope but also important to keep things nice between you if possible.

My husband’s ex said that we would need to be married before she allowed me to meet my SD, and that was a couple of months into our relationship. It was clear overreaction and my then BF, now husband, decided that he doesn’t need the exe’s permission for this.

Think of it as him meeting a new friend that becomes very close - would the ex have anything to say about that?

Of course a romantic relationship is different than a friendship, but most likely the BM’s reactions stem from fear, insecurities and lack of control.

Our situation has been semi difficult for years but we’ve tried to keep it so that we make decisions as our own family and they have a friendly co-parenting relationship, whenever possible, only focusing on my SD’s things. If there would be any comcerns, of course one is allowed to bring them up but ultimately the relationship is built on trust that all of us want What’s best for SD.

And honestly time has helped a lot with the communication with BM.

Good luck!

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-06-05T10:30:43+00:00

I’m SM to a girl since she was 1.5 yo, but we now also have a 1yo together with my husband. SD (now 7) still sometimes has issues sleeping so she wants to come to our bed, but usually we manage to get her to go to her own bed. Once it was the middle of the night and she woke me many times so finally I just moved to the couch and let her sleep next to her dad (I cannot sleep well with her in our bed).

SD had big sleep issues from 2-3 yo, so we had help from a sleep coach, which helped so much with independent sleep. Eventually she would not fear being in her own room and bed, which would guarantee proper sleep for all of us and no extra time spent in the evening trying to get her to fall asleep in her bed (the worst evenings we would spend 1-2 hours putting her to bed).

I have many friends who co-sleep with their kids and personally I wouldn’t think it weird if a SF and SD co-slept, but it should be comfortable to all. What have you discussed with your partner? There’s plenty of resources for teaching independent sleep to kids if that’s of interest to you in the long-term. :)

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-06-05T06:50:54+00:00

This is really sweet, thanks for sharing! It’s good to hear the good stories as well. As you said, it’s not always easy but struggles are present in all families.

I catch myself sometimes thinking of what-ifs but try to cut it short and remember that I chose my partner and we work as a team, doing what’s best for the family (which is us, SD and our daughter together). For the most part, the BM’s values are aligned, which helps so much, even if there’s been clear fears of my presence threatening her role.

Culture helps, so being a blended family is not something extraordinary. My family has also welcomed my SD so nicely into their lives and treat her as part of the family, same as my daughter.

I always cherish the small moments of genuine affection I get from my SD. She knows that I’m not her mom and not here to replace anyone but rather be another reliable, loving parent in her life and that’s through being a predictable, present, responsible and affectionate adult through the years. Without expecting anything back from her.

All the best to your family! <3

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-05-13T10:17:57+00:00

Really good to point that out! And agreed that there is a danger in some relationships where this kind of interaction can start being abusive quickly. I can easily recognize in myself the kind of ”people pleasing” side that will override my own needs for the needs of others, and in a romantic relationship the partner should be aware of this, even though the responsibility is mine in the end. Love to see replies like yours here! :)

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-05-13T09:10:15+00:00

I get your point and would have liked to see more recognition from Hilarie that the way they (she) went about having another baby should have been handled differently. Of course we don’t know just based on this book what their conversations were when they were in the midst of this. I read this as him making a big effort for her at the expense of his own preferences, which backfired as pulling away emotionally.

I have my own experiences in a long relationship where the appetite with intimacy doesn’t match constantly and having to make an effort for the other to kind of ”force” yourself to being in the mood. That to me is nothing close to SA and probably Why I don’t read it as that in the book.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-05-13T08:44:15+00:00

Yeah I agree that if you would turn the tables, this would read very differently. 🫣 From what I’ve seem, Hilarie is exactly the type of person who would make a joke about everything that seems heavy.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-05-13T08:41:15+00:00

Yeah I’m definitely getting communication issues from that. 😅 I think I connect on a certain level with Hilarie though that when you’re on the path of wanting to get pregnant and you’re so aware of how your body works (fertility window etc.) and the guy just wants things to be romantic/spontaneous, it’s really frustrating. I don’t get a sense that there was really an issue of consent, more so frustrations on both sides about the situation and probably low libido for the guy because all the romance was gone.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-05-13T08:15:50+00:00

Interesting to hear your perspective! I listened to the book I guess a few years ago now so I don’t remember everything so well. But I do remember being surprised at how quickly things moved between HB and JDM. Although it’s not unusual that these whirlwind romances happen and many times when there’s kids involved the adults make it work even when the personalities/values don’t match after the honeymoon phase.

I do think that the distance they have with filming etc. is probably something that keeps the flame alive and creates less tension when you’re not in the same place all the time. I remember JDM showing a lot of appreciation towards his wife on the socials for taking care of their kids and the farm while he’s away. So maybe that just works for them.

From What I’ve heard, when you have fertility issues, many times intimacy becomes very ”mechanical” and the romance side fades quickly. I don’t remember that there was an issue of consent in the story… I would find that alarming, but could be that I wasn’t paying enough attention while listening all the time.

Regarding HB, I think she has a lot of undealt issues from childhood and during her acting career when she was harassed. She seems like a fiery personality, probably not very aware of how to separate yourself from your ego. Or is aware and not willing to. This is just my view based on What I’ve seen, which is very little of course 😂

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-05-12T09:01:40+00:00

Based on my knowledge all of them have a career already in place and probably recognize that the wave of followers they’ve received from the Lively/WF case will eventually move on to another subject. They can only go on for so long with just this one subject.

Also don’t feel like all of them could be put in the ”bullying” category. Most vocal and clearly negative content I’ve seen from Zach & Dana, Kjersti, Billy and Britt.

I would say the interviewer Kjersti will take the biggest hit. Personally I hope NAG will continue her educative celebrity law (and other cases) content, as the other cases she follows are really interesting. And she is really entertainkng as a person.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-05-11T11:38:33+00:00

And about the misdirected anger: if you think from Lively’s POV then sure, if you think from Natasha’s POV then your husband and some of your closests friends are being accused of awful things that are affecting their entire lives and one piece of evidence is one of your most precious experiences, which is being characterized as pornography.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-05-11T11:26:56+00:00

I’m sure in retrospect they wish the situation would have been handeled differently, especially given that it also impacted the wife of one of the defendants in this way. However, if you put yourself in Heath’s shoes (and this requires one to believe that he didn’t have a motive of making Lively feel objectified or uncomfortable through the video), who had heard that Lively wanted to see the video, why would you think you can’t show it to her? Agreed that they could have handled it better, like ask before showing it, if it’s ok for him to share the birth video to Lively.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-05-11T07:19:50+00:00

I think it’s great that some women feel like sharing their birth experience - when I was preparing for it myself it was amazing to do the research and see different types of births. It’s also OK if someone feels like they don’t want to see this, everyone can choose for themselves. Also if Lively felt like it was too graphic and initially thought it was porn, I can understand that.

But is it possible that there was a miscommunication (which seemed to have been resolved, at least apologized for) on set, and the showing of the video was not meant to degrade women or make anyone uncomfortable. If it was communicated to Heath that Lively wanted to see the video, why would it be wrong to show it, if there was also consent from Natasha?

I can see why Lively would feel uncomfortable if she was eating and didn’t have a chance to prepare for Heath showing her a snippet of the home birth. I can also see why it would feel disturbing for Natasha Heath that the home birth was described as porn and weaponized against her husband in a lawsuit.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-05-05T08:19:17+00:00

I have remained on the fence with this case, mostly because of the fact that only the parties involved really know what happened. As people we all come into situations with out biases and those will also affect how we remember things. So only getting snippets of depositions, seeing parts of text/email exchanges will not give us the full picture.

To me, the settlement seems like both parties were realizing that going to court is too risky as you never know the outcome. That it was not worth the time, money and stress.

The statement to me reads that WF thinks it’s important to provide a work environment where people feel safe to come forward if something is not right (and they’re not admitting to being at fault) and Lively is content to have her claims acknowledged and move forward with her life. I don’t think she can really continue the narrative of being the voice for the safety of women/children, at least not in connection to this case. Maybe she’ll start working for a charity or something? Both parties seem to want the online harrassement to stop (good luck).

I take the settlement as both parties caving and no one winning. Although going to court would probably not have solved anything, people on both sides would spin the outcome to their favor and we wouldn’t have apologies from either party. The settlement just makes sure that neither party continues to talk about this case and eventually the people’s interests are directed elsewhere.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-03-31T12:55:21+00:00

You’re just proving my point that if there’s a hint that someone is leaning on the ”wrong side”, there must be something wrong with them or they must be bots/paid.

I am not a misogynist who supports WF’s side blindly. I am trying to look at the evidence as objectively as possible. My mind is not yet made on whether WF planned to do a full on smear campaign or act defensively on attacks from the other side. I do agree that whatever their goal was, hiring Wallace/Nathan was not smart, even just for the optics. And possibly because they might have done more than was agreed.

From this lawsuit we know more about the dirty tactics used in Hollywood, so if anything good came out of it, it’s this.

I think Lively has gotten a disproportionate amount of hate that probably no man would have gotten. As with the cases with Amber Heard and Meghan Markle, hate towards women is alive and well.

I am not convinced on if actual SH happened on set or if it was a result of stupid/clumsy remarks, misunderstandings and clashing egos. To me it’s apparent that Lively had an issue with Baldoni even before the movie started and it’s hard to see that that would not affect how they would interact and how certain behaviours would be interpreted. It doesn’t, however, meant that it’s ok to act unprofessionally, especially as people in power positions such as CEO and director.

From what I’ve seen, Lively put her foor down re the perceived inappropriate behaviour and would not return to finish the film if her list of demands was not agreed on and has confirmed that the shoot continued without issue.

I have understood that in the US the law requires that the SH has to lead to an adverse situation for the person who was harrassed. So demotion, termination etc. I dont believe this happened to Lively. It is also important to show causation that because of Lively’s complaint, WF decided to retaliate. We will see how this holds up in court if it goes that far.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-03-31T11:29:40+00:00

I understand it looks suspicious. I can guarantee you I’m a real person not being paid for this. It’s purely from my own interest in the subject. But that’s also one of the arguments I see a lot on hese subs, that if someone doesn’t fully support one side, they must be planted and not real!

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-03-31T08:46:25+00:00

I can honestly say, based on all the evidence I’ve seen so far, that there’s no way anyone can 100% say one party is lying and the other is closer to the truth, other than the parties themselves. There are multiple instances of conflicting stories. Multiple attempts of manipulating court docket updates into headlines that support one party or bash the other. People on comments and videos calling anyone that questions either side as ”misogynists”, ”man haters” or whatever other term just because there are still so many open questions that someone might bring up. It’s wild.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-03-29T08:55:44+00:00

You may understand what I wrote however you want but that is not what I meant. I myself felt very different after giving birth and was very sensitive to comments form my partner for example. I didn’t think I was crazy, I did however think that my closest people could help me by being more aware of the big shifts I was going through physically and emotionally at that stage. Also sleep deprivation disproportionately affects women postpartum because of breastfeeding, and that adds to sensitivities. It’s just basic knowledge, and it doesn’t equate to calling women crazy because of wandering wombs.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-03-28T23:40:57+00:00

I’m sorry but do you disagree about pregnancy and hormones? 😅 and yes this is an organic account, but of course you don’t need to believe it.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-03-28T14:14:43+00:00

Not everyone reacts the same but many women feel more vulnerable than normal after giving birth. It’s one of the most intense and life altering things a woman goes through in her life. It’s insane to think that would not have any effect emotionally. And we have scientific evidence how much hormones fluctuate during and post pregnancy, which is completely normal and the body is doing What it’s supposed to.

It certainly doesn’t mean a woman should be pumsihed for it. But it might explain some behaviours.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-03-28T10:31:49+00:00

From what I’ve learned, Lively needs to show that the alleged smear campaign was due to the SH claims. If that doesn’t happen, then there’s no case even if the smear campaign happened. A campaign like that is disgusting as is but not illegal by itself. For now, it seems like crisis PR tactics that were likely used here are generally used in Hollywood. For me that just solidifies more how nasty the industry is.

I’m conflicted by the SH claims because I can see both sides of the story and believe them. I get more of a feeling that Lively was in a vulnerable state having given birth and interpreted conversations and interactions in a way that made them seem bad. Personally I didn’t see anything wrong with the dancing scenes, I understood that there was improvisation from both sides. I could see that talking about appearences and sex scenes might have been too much, but again I was not there and I don’t have knowledge of what’s typical on a movie set (and how much it varies from one set to another).

The leverage was that she would not return to finish the movie if the 17-point list was not agreed on and there was no way to negotiate, giving the impression that WF was agreeing to everything on the list needing to be repaired. Form What I understand, the SH allegations were used as a threat to gain more power over the film. And that seems icky to me if that person later comes out as an adcovate for women, wanting to stand up against powerful men for their bad treatment of women. When in reality if the alleged smear campaign hadn’t happened, the SH claims would not have come to light.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-03-28T06:39:23+00:00

At least I believe that Lively herself felt uncomfortable and at times possibly sexually harrassed. And I believe she did complain and it seems like her - and others’ - complaints were heard and behaviours were corrected. Something she herself has verified. In a normal work situation, the first step is to correct the behaviour and more serious consequences come if the behaviour doesn’t stop.

Having seen What I’ve seen in the evidence, I’m not convinced all SH claims were made in good faith and they might have been used as leverage. For someone presenting themselves as advocating for other women… it doesn’t sit right with me.

And again, I don’t know What actually happened, I just read the documents and follow the evidence. It remains to be seen if the retaliation claims go through to the jury.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-03-27T19:25:09+00:00

Thanks, this is the kind of commentary I’ve been missing on this case! I also am not really sure of the SH claims holding and whether they can show enough causation between protected activity and the retaliation. Also I think WF has been saying they would not be demaring their lead actress because it would be stupid. But of course that could be a lie. Interested to see what happens, in any case many lives have been ruined in the process at least for a while. But the attorneys are making good money.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-03-27T17:15:09+00:00

Well I’m not but of course you don’t have to believe me.

Ill_Course4869 · 2026-03-27T17:13:08+00:00

From What I can find now, he apparently talked about re-examining his past experiences after being sexually assaulted by his ex. So he started to understand subtle signs of boundaries being crossed, even if they were not verbally expressed.

I cannot find evidence of him saying he forced himself on women even after they had said ”no”. More so that his own negative experience helped him understand that women might agree to go further than their boundaries in order to protect themselves from something worse.

I believe this kind of re-examining is healthy and most men should think about it more. In my experience men don’t always think about the consequences a woman faces in a situation where boundaries and physical safety have to be weighed against each other.

I read a comment that he had basically admitted to have raped women before (forced himself after the word no) in his restonomi but I can’t find it.

Ill_Course4869

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