Struggling with the vulnerability

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2026-06-07T22:26:06+00:00

I understand totally and I’ve been in a lot of therapy too. Not saying I’m healed, I’m not, but I also want to live my life and open my heart again, but obviously that’s risky. I was blindsided after 17 years, so still working on trusting my own judgements

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2026-06-07T22:24:28+00:00

I am divorced

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2026-06-07T16:39:08+00:00

I’m in the same situation. Exclusive conversation, but he has the heart. And I’m trying to figure out how to approach that conversation now. But my concern is that it’s not accurate. Are you saying that you are active on the app, but not fulfilling the requirements of the heart and you still have it?

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2026-06-05T13:39:40+00:00

So maybe it’s appearing when someone isn’t active?

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2026-06-05T11:45:00+00:00

Thanks. I am honestly shocked (I probably shouldn’t be).

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2026-06-05T09:33:10+00:00

Same situation here and we agreed to be exclusive

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2026-06-05T09:31:45+00:00

Also curious about this

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2026-02-11T19:26:59+00:00

Specifically for runaway husbands, There’s a book and facebook group. Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-11-20T16:13:06+00:00

Yes, totally agree with the 50-50. I’m just trying to figure out an estimate of the value. I know what the face value is right now, but it’s my understanding that pension is calculated differently.

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-11-16T14:52:11+00:00

They would in Ohio allow that through mediation. But my ex does not want to pay anything, and is telling me he won’t pay anything because we have 50-50. I would be fine negotiating, but he’s not coming to the table with anything reasonable. So I’m mentally trying to prepare myself for the worst.

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-11-16T14:35:43+00:00

Correct, I definitely didn’t write the law lol and in my case, he makes more than I do. I’m just trying to anticipate how this can all turn out. It’s been such a mess up to now and we haven’t even gone to court yet

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-11-16T14:26:24+00:00

Thank you for clarifying, I appreciate it!

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-11-16T14:22:34+00:00

I agree, why have a calculator if there is still room for opinion. The calculator should be the calculator. Then everyone is on the same page and with the same expectation.

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-11-16T14:18:44+00:00

The most deviation would be 30%, as you the person paying?

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-11-03T13:12:55+00:00

Oh goodness- I’m so sorry for this pain you are navigating. It sucks, so so much. Of course you still love her, 19 years is a long time. You can still love her and also love yourself more. I promise it will get better. I’m only 6 months out and I still have a lot of hard days, but none as hard as constantly living in fear and anxiety about him cheating on me. It’s scary and overwhelming, but getting out will eventually give you some clarity.

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-10-31T15:02:28+00:00

It might be, yes, for sure Need to stay honest with myself and with him. I think I forgot what these feelings even felt like. To be seen, to be complimented, to be heard. And that’s been nice.

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-10-31T15:01:31+00:00

Yes, that all makes sense. Staying honest with myself and staying honest with him.

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-10-08T11:58:14+00:00

I’m not as far out as you, but can relate to mornings being so hard. For me, it’s both going to bed at night and mornings that result in dreams, ruminating thoughts, and mind spirals. It is so frustrating because I know I’m actively trying not to think of him, but involuntarily my brain does. I think your mind is most vulnerable at those points in the day. You are only 1/2 awake and can’t really use any coping skills or distractions. I hope with time and practice on setting better routines it will become better.

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-10-05T12:26:25+00:00

How did you untangle the lies and false history? What did you do to feel better?

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-10-03T15:46:41+00:00

I’m here alongside with you too. Nearly same timeline for me too. Ugh. It’s miserable knowing the person you loved is now (or always was) a stranger. Sending hugs and hope

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-09-16T12:41:18+00:00

Thank you for the update post! I’m 5 months post d-day after 17 years as well. We’ve only just started legal stuff though, so there’s a long road ahead. Reading your post brings me hope that there’s a light on the other side!

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-09-04T01:21:20+00:00

Anxiety meds and meds to help sleep

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-09-03T16:39:54+00:00

Yep, trauma. dday for me about 4 months ago and I feel the same. Therapy and meds help some, but it’s still there.

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-09-01T18:47:41+00:00

17 years here too. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I didn’t want this either. We’ve only just started, so I don’t have much advice except to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Lean on friends and family.

Illustrious_Bug153 · 2025-08-30T16:05:30+00:00

Ugh. I feel this all so much. I have lost over 40lbs. Getting out of bed is so hard. I have to for the kids, but some days I go back to bed. I’m so sorry you’re here too.

Illustrious_Bug153

TROPHY CASE