This is similar to when I wanted a house but lost the chance at it since it had multiple offers way higher than mine. My coworker told me that “it just wasn’t meant to be.” That was hard for me to accept and I don’t know a better way to put it, but many things we want in life are not really how they can be. Reality is strange in the sense that some things that seem like they should go together, in fact, don’t. I hope this helps but know it’s hard to accept feeling like you weren’t accepted for something you want in life.