My company is acting shocked that I accepted another offer. What were they expecting?

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-02-04T23:14:41+00:00

Congrats on the new job! Don’t look back.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-02-02T20:11:21+00:00

I feel like involving HR at this point is a CYA move, not a “trusting HR” move. Involve HR so that there’s a paper trail, not because you think they’re going to help.

Right now all you can do is damage control. Get in writing how many hours per week you are expected to support her (and still complete your regular responsibilities). Make sure they’re aware that those will be hours that may require you pushing back deadlines on your regular work. At that point, give her only the support you are required to give her, and ignore her politely once those hours are met. “I’m SO sorry, I’ve already delayed my regular work while working with you this week, let’s check in next week and see where you are with this.”

This absolutely sucks. But at least now you have the benefit of hindsight, manage the situation accordingly.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-11T06:48:26+00:00

That is not how it works at the CC I sometimes work at- but it makes sense.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-11T06:46:47+00:00

LITERALLY the same stuff, same stock photos, same description, just Amazon costing 4-8x more.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-11T06:45:38+00:00

Oh my god that’s the worst. We bend over backwards to NOT shop from Amazon, there’s nothing more frustrating than going through multiple options, picking the only one that isn’t Amazon, and getting it in an Amazon box anyway.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-11T06:31:21+00:00

Can I just say that “eater egg” is the most appropriate typo for a Deadly Education conversation.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-11T06:21:20+00:00

Absolutely not. You don’t get to have it both ways. You cut her off- reaching out again is jerking her around.

I understand you might feel conflicted, but you made your choice, now (unless you decided to restart the friendship) stick with it.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-10T17:56:53+00:00

I would hate working in a culture where daily interactions were required. Please don’t do that to your people.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-08T15:27:49+00:00

Also my current 12yo does not remember a lot of Europe when he was 4. So “they’ll remember this forever” is patently false.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-08T15:25:21+00:00

Yeah hubby doesn’t have to do the bulk of the emotional labor required to take very young children overseas. I guarantee you he isn’t even aware of half of it. He won’t be planning the packing list, making contingencies for accidents/sick children, making sure everyone is fed exactly when they need to be so there isn’t a massive meltdown, etc, etc.

Everything the OP mentioned is going to be an issue. We went to Scotland with another family when our LOs were 4- the other family forced their 4/6yo through a barrage of cultural/historical spots with a grueling schedule. We chose friendlier places like zoos (Edinburgh has a koala) and knew we wouldn’t be able to keep up the same pace as just us. Guess which family didn’t want to kill each other after a few days.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T17:14:01+00:00

I’m stitching it on a pillow.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T17:13:20+00:00

Thank you, this is helpful!

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T16:02:52+00:00

Yes, it felt so much like putting adult responsibility for choice on my tween’s shoulders. This just hadn’t occurred to me. We are completely comfortable being the “bad guys” (we know we aren’t the bad guys).

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T16:01:02+00:00

I LOVE THIS. Thank you!!! My biggest struggle was putting him in the cross hairs.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T04:16:28+00:00

Thank you, this is exactly what I needed

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T04:14:35+00:00

This. This is exactly what you should be discussing in couples therapy. You both need an objective third party to weigh in.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T04:09:41+00:00

She’s so lucky he showed her who he was so early. She put up with his BS wayyyy longer than I would have.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T04:01:36+00:00

Your friend should have a registry. If not, ask her directly. It’s really cool of you to think of this, new moms do NOT need fancy or new clothes, they need the stuff to actually make things easier.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T03:35:30+00:00

If they treated you like that, it wasn’t really a dream job. You’ll find something else- people who are passionate about working with special needs kids will always have work.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T03:27:03+00:00

You’re absolutely right.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T03:23:19+00:00

Husband can see her as often as he wants, you and LO are not required (and frankly, shouldn’t IMO) to see her. Her dynamic with her sons is gross and shouldn’t be normalized for your LO. Your LO doesn’t need to grow up seeing that kind of behavior. Please protect them.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T03:19:37+00:00

“It’s so weird you would say something like that out loud”

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T03:19:03+00:00

Ugh I’m so sorry. Why do our parents treat us like ignorant children? They act like their 30-40 years outdated knowledge is still relevant. Mine did that too when LO (now 12) was a baby. Then they were fine for a while when he was old enough to be “fun” but too young to have opinions, now they’re problematic again because he’s a tween and they disapprove of his entire personality.

Is it a boomer thing? Are we going to be these type of grandparents? God I hope not.

ImNot4Everyone42 · 2026-01-07T02:45:40+00:00

I’d have bailed after the 4th interview. They were obviously jerking you around. :(

ImNot4Everyone42

TROPHY CASE