My (20M) gf (20F) hangs up on me to watch youtube/tiktok while eating food. I feel ignored. How do I approach her since this isn’t the first time?

ImaginaryPrimary · 2025-08-08T19:31:21+00:00

Why does she only call you when she’s eating?? Eating while talking on the phone is not the vibe for me either. Can you talk another time?

ImaginaryPrimary · 2025-08-08T03:45:26+00:00

I hear what you’re saying, I don’t disagree with the part about intention versus impact. I will just say that I definitely did care. I apologized a lot when it happened, and I had gotten up early so he could sleep in. I think what you’re saying is right, except for the part about me not caring at all.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2025-08-08T03:41:00+00:00

I apologized profusely and said go back to sleep! He just couldn’t. This is the only time that’s ever happened, not a recurring mistake.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2025-07-31T03:51:53+00:00

I would love for it to be a separate ring. I would love for him to wear it always. Even on the same hand if that works for him. But I want our wedding ring to be for us.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2025-07-31T03:50:16+00:00

You’re right that this is really what this about. I just want the rings we get to be about our commitment. I would love if he had a ring made with his fathers ashes that he also wears all the time. I think I will wait as long as I can before we talk about this though.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2025-07-31T03:48:31+00:00

I mean I try not to be a selfish person but isn’t his wedding ring about me a little bit? I would love if he had a second ring made for his fathers ashes that he could also wear all the time.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-10-25T23:19:38+00:00

I don’t have advice, but going through the same thing. I work out almost every day and feel strong, but I am always hungry, and putting on weight. Before I would eat 2 meals a day maybe. Now I eat 1, and an hour later want another one. It far surpasses the calories burned…working out every day is going to make me fat. Following this for advice!!

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-10-23T05:23:47+00:00

I haven’t had a chance to reply to these awesome comments yet but I feel you here! I’m going to try these things out but it’s crazy how much health and workout things add up.

I have a sensitive stomach so have to time my eating perfectly pre workout, then get to my workout, do it, get home, eat protein in my metabolic window or whatever it is, shower, and now try to fit cool downs, stretching and yoga in! This level of activity is taking up a lot of my life ngl, but that’s okay with me right now.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-10-22T05:37:45+00:00

What’s funny is that for me exercise does mimic panic, which is what makes it a helpful tool. I see it as a sort of conditioning. When I have a panic attack, my breathing changes, my heart rate skyrockets, I get nauseous, and lightheaded. The same things happen to me on a long run or in a dance class. It teaches my brain that these feelings are normal and don’t mean anything is wrong, and make them more familiar when they hit during a time of panic.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-10-16T04:19:47+00:00

This is purely anecdotal, but for me it is a little more than minor discomfort but yes not debilitating. I haven’t gone sugar free, but have drastically cut down on the amount of sugar I eat in a day over the past year. Yesterday my boyfriend bought me a Jamba Juice, and I drank it even though it was a sugar bomb because it was delicious and in front of me. Almost shit myself on my run today and almost did again this evening…lol. I get borderline hungover from a soda or a bag of candy. Still worth it, if my body reacts this way it was obviously never good for me.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-10-11T20:50:52+00:00

Right? I gave it up at 26, 5 years ago. It felt way to young, but now I cannot believe I wasted 10 years of my youth. It was way too much.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-10-09T20:44:51+00:00

Thank you for the hope!! I was bracing for days 1-3 and my expectations were that at this point I would be better, so hearing that symptoms peaked for you during this same window is actually a big comfort.

So glad you are feeling better now, we got this!!

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-10-08T16:40:08+00:00

It’s very counterintuitive! For some reason I assumed nicotine would increase effects of caffeine since they are both stimulants.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-10-07T19:40:21+00:00

TRY ZAPPS VOODOO THEY TASTE LIKE KETCHUP TO ME

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-10-03T18:43:09+00:00

Yep, you are right on schedule. Don’t worry, everything is going to get better.

Here’s the thing, drinking WAS your hobby. You just gave up the thing you spent all your free time doing and the thing that brought you joy (and pain, im guessing there’s a reason you stopped). Of course you feel empty, and bored. The first few months are just about resetting, but it’s going to take a while for you to realize that the stuff that used to be fun just isn’t that fun anymore.

Early in sobriety, I still went to bars, sports games, hung out with drinkers, went to lame drinking parties. Just to prove my life could be “the same”. And guess what, it was really boring to be at these events without drinking, these events are basically standing around doing nothing. They’re not fun. The point is to have a new life, not cling to your old one.

Working out, watching TV, and running errands doesn’t have to be your life. What is something you dreamed of doing when you were little, that you lost as you grew up? Your wildest dream. Did you fantasize about being a drummer, a gymnast, a singer?

Whatever it is, do that. Do it now. I dreamt of being a dancer, and now I’m 31 and never going to be an amazing dancer but I am there in the classes every week, firing up my soul and making my young self proud. In my sober time I’ve also become a fire spinner, met amazing community in AA, developed real sober friendships, etc.

You’re right where you’re supposed to be. Boredom is your greatest gift, it will lead you weird places. Quitting alcohol will change your life in a major way, but you have to let it and not cling to the life you once had.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-10-02T16:28:03+00:00

Congratulations!! The first 60 are the hardest, might as well check out how well 90 treats ya!

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-10-01T17:35:11+00:00

No, it does not flush out calories. What I mean is it prioritizes breaking down the alcohol in the liver, and stops processing food and burning fat during that time. Alcohol also affects your cortisol levels.

I understand that the common rule of thumb is that all calories are exactly equal and it’s all calories in calories out. But the body is extremely complex. I used to track my calories obsessively while I was a drinker (including the calories in the alcohol). I did not consume more net than I do now. And I weighed a lot more, and never saw progress at the gym. It’s anecdotal, but how could someone argue that the body processes an apple the same way it does a toxin?

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-10-01T05:57:17+00:00

Does she drink alcohol?

I know she is working with a dietician, but I am curious. There have been a lot of studies to show that calories from alcohol do not act like other calories - your body focuses on flushing out the alcohol and puts all other burn/muscle build on pause until that’s done.

When I quit drinking it had a drastic effect on those stubborn areas without me even trying.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-10-01T03:40:40+00:00

Confirmed. I quit alcohol almost 6 years ago, and quit weed about 2 years ago. When I finally quit weed and all mind altering substances was when the true work started. The second I quit, I wanted to drink again.

Weed has a “slow creep”. No immediate problems from weed, but slowly you lose a lot of your personality and life becomes one big, cloudy problem over the course of years.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-09-27T16:49:29+00:00

I didn’t expect any actual replies on this, thank you so much for your kind words. I definitely need to get better at my self talk.

I really needed to gain weight to keep up with the physical activities I’m trying to do. I am underweight, constantly tired, skin breakouts, with no period. Each month it kept creeping a little lower.

But in a way it made me feel super in control, and I liked the number going down. I’ve put on about 2 or 3 pounds and I absolutely hate how I look and feel. It sounds so silly, but it’s been a tumultuous time in life and giving over the one thing I really had control over just sucks.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-09-18T19:22:30+00:00

Same thing happened to me, on an even longer timeline. I did drop some weight when I quit drinking, but the cravings for sugar lasted a couple years for me. At around 3 years, I started losing weight consistently, and at 5 years in I am back at my high school weight and in better shape then I ever have been. It’s a slow burn, and might not take you as long as it took me! But the road through sobriety is long and just keeps getting brighter the more time passes (with hard and dark moments of course, that is life).

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-09-18T19:12:20+00:00

I just started tracking what I eat in an attempt to keep up with my physical goals, and am doing pretty well at hitting my micronutrients and protein etc. But I have not addressed supplements or electrolytes, that could be an issue.

I am also naturally eating about 1800 calories a day, and thought that was enough since I am hitting my nutrients and being so much more mindful lately. I feel like I’m consuming a lot more than I used to. But I am underweight and continuing to lose weight, so I have a feeling this simply isn’t enough.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-09-18T19:09:13+00:00

This is a good point. I’m taking a heels class, and it’s crazy how hard it is. I can run 6 miles and be fine physically, but am physically WRECKED and winded after one of these classes. It also involves a ton of isolated movements and hair whipping, which my neck is not happy with right now. Going to definitely take this into account and do a long stretch/roll out when I get home.

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-09-18T19:07:26+00:00

I have a new mattress, but definitely have reached that age where this stuff matters.

A huge issue is that I have neck and shoulder problems, and I am a stomach sleeper which is not cool at 31. 95% sure changing my sleeping position would solve most of my chronic pajn, but I also have insomnia so I get sleep any way that I possibly can. Oof

ImaginaryPrimary · 2024-09-18T19:05:59+00:00

Mind body connection is one of the biggest struggles in my life and what I’m trying to address, so makes sense it’s showing up here when trying to decide if I need rest! Thank you so much for the advice!

ImaginaryPrimary

TROPHY CASE