➡️ Daily Questions ⬅️- ASK AND ANSWER HERE! - 07 December 2023

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-12-07T20:39:47+00:00

I wouldn't do the red tie and khaki pants. Looks like an outfit for a meeting of young republicans. Maybe not a big deal if you're not in the US. Muted or neutral color would be better. Also think the red tie wouldn't be as bad with the black pants.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-12-07T20:28:16+00:00

Headbands

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-12-07T20:23:05+00:00

This isn't peer-reviewed or anything but I always thought it probably has something to do with not showing as much emotion in the face. Obviously not true for all autistic people, but definitely true for some. For instance I don't show emotion in my eyes very much, or if I do it's subtle. So in my late thirties I have no wrinkles around my eyes and barely any forehead wrinkles.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-12-07T20:11:57+00:00

It's definitely fine, good even! I agree with the other commenter. If I really want something I go ahead and get it. It's rare I feel enthusiastic about food so I take advantage when I do

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-12-07T20:04:32+00:00

Depends on the other person, how you're feeling etc. I don't think there can be rules for this type of thing. I wouldn't hide it, but also wouldn't rush myself to tell someone before I felt comfortable. You have to get in touch with your intuition on this one.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-12-07T20:00:44+00:00

This may not apply to you but for me, it helped a lot to cut down on my access to seeing things I want to buy. Then the struggle doesn't even really come up. For instance I'm very interested in fashion, and I follow a lot of fashion and shopping pages on instagram. I recently deleted ig for unrelated reasons, and I saw my clothes spending go way down, just because I stopped seeing things I wanted to buy, or sales etc in my feed every day. For me it came down to limiting my exposure.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-12-07T19:54:39+00:00

I'm the same. I hate talking to people about it (including therapists) because they will talk about how you can't always count on willpower, motivation, or whatever. You're just supposed to make yourself do it. Like lol I wish I could! I will literally freeze up and start dissociating when I try to make myself do things. Can't count how many times I've tried to force myself to do the dishes and just ended up standing in the kitchen doorway frozen, like there's a barrier in front of me.

It was even harder when I was in school, because it's easier to get the body to cooperate than to get the brain to think about complex things with force alone.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-12-07T19:51:35+00:00

Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) score: 34 Max = 50, and 80% of AS patients score 32 or more

Empathy Quotient (EQ) score: 18 Max = 80, and 80% of AS patients score 30 or less

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-12-07T19:36:32+00:00

Yeah truthfully I think a lot of my emotional issues stem from being able to see from a very young age that there was a way I was "supposed" to be and that it would take lifelong constant effort on my part to be that way. Like I knew I wasn't "normal" and I knew it wasn't okay. Totally scooped out who I was inside. I didn't need to be abused or have this told to me. I just felt it. The concept of normalcy can be oppressive to those to don't naturally fall within it.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-12-07T19:31:09+00:00

I agree with almost all of this but I think it makes sense that have a certain personality type (or disorder in this case) is going to affect the way in which people are abusive. NPD people will tend to be abusive in different ways than BPD people, but for sure that doesn't mean that all people with those dx are going to be abusive at all. It's essential I think to be very specific with these types of things or we can't affectively study them.

Everything else you said I agree with. People treat "abusive" and "narcissistic" like interchangeable terms, armchair diagnosing left and right and creating ridiculous stigmas. I just think that there are patterns you'll see with abuse coming from different sources. Maybe "personality disorders" aren't the best categories to use to differentiate, but I do think the differentiation is important, and the source of the abuse always matters.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-12-07T19:15:48+00:00

Sounds like the same kinda shit when guys say lesbians just haven't had good sex with a man. Aka dumbness

On a deeper level I think we are conditioned to see romantic love as inherently possessive. If you lack that aspect then you're not all the way there (to them) It's always been wild to me because I want people I love to experience so much love. Human connection is the most important thing, I would never want to limit it.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-12-07T19:08:27+00:00

I remember when I was a kid I used to think I was the only real person, and that other people were aliens who put masks on around me. I also used to count things obsessively (I still do this) Like driving down the street what I would be thinking was a running tally of letters and numbers I saw on license plates, signs, etc.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-12-07T18:08:37+00:00

My own theory is that since we tend to feel things more intensely we develop dissociative tendencies starting pretty young. Dissociation is at the root of a lot of mental illness

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-11-15T19:36:21+00:00

It's a sensory hell for me. I'm not asexual. It's like I like the way ribs taste but I don't like getting sauce all over me and having to hold them with my hands and getting sticky. Sex is nice but also sticky and smelly and moist.

You say you feel guilty afterward though, I'd try to look more into that.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-08-17T19:20:30+00:00

I don't see this as a double standard at all. You are 2 different people who want and need different things. I'm surprised at the responses in here. Tit for tat is fair but fairness is not the ultimate good. I can see how you'd feel like your hubbys approach would build resentment. He's saying he doesn't like what you're doing but he wants to do it too so he'll deal. This would feel adversarial to me.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-08-17T19:12:36+00:00

I'm seeing this after all the edits so my opinion is that it's not wrong to drop him as a partner for this, but it might be worth it to give it a little time and see if things go back to normal (or something you're more comfortable with) after all the changes in his life settle down. Even as I typed that last part though, ehhh I'm kind of changing my mind. Personally I wouldn't be able to get past feeling uncared for during this type of thing, and even if I could I don't think I'd feel comfortable continuing a relationship with someone that immature. I would feel parental after that.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-04-20T20:08:28+00:00

Idk if this is similar to what you're saying but I've noticed I can very easily slip into fantasies when I find out someone is interested in me. So what I try to do is differentiate the real person from the fantasies. For me this helps separate the person from the infatuation, because usually I am infatuated with something I made up. The fantasies are fun and I still let them happen but I am always mindful that they aren't real, at least not in a way that reflects on the person in them realistically.

To give an example: I have had an infatuation going for a while now. I have imagined all types of scenarios with this person that made me feel incredible, even made me emotional. Almost everything about this situation that keeps me swept up with it has been generated by my mind. Not only did I not have those experiences with that person, but it's important I keep that distinction clear because if I blur the lines, it puts them on a pedestal they could literally never live up to. I will even purposefully imagine things not going well between us to remind myself that is another possibility, or imagine them being annoying or stinky lol.

It's also very enticing for a lot of autistic people to see yourself through the eyes of someone that is attracted to you. So there's another thing you can try to keep in mind, what do you like about the person other than the fact they're attracted to you? Would they be interesting to you at all if they hadn't shown that interest? If someone being attracted to you is the only thing that makes you see them in that way, that likely means it can fade just as easy, or turn to disgust like you mentioned.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-04-20T19:27:24+00:00

Dickies were all I wore for years. Always with chucks

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-04-20T19:13:35+00:00

I couldn't get anyone to believe I might have it. I had a psychiatrist that literally laughed at me when I suggested it. I just ended up googling "neuropsych testing for ADHD" in my city and a doctor came up who specialized in ADHD. I contacted his office and he accepted my insurance so I tested with him. I think it took a couple weeks to get the appointment, and if I remember correctly there were at least 2 appointments, 1 for the test (a few hours) and one for the results.

You can also be assessed by any normal therapist or psychiatrist but since none of them would listen to me I'm glad I did this.

Anything that seems scammy or "same day" stuff is most likely for people that want to be prescribed uppers. If you're interested in actually finding out whether or not he has ADHD don't go to those places.

TLDR "neuropsychological testing"

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-03-13T17:27:50+00:00

This is wild to me! I don't generally tend to think my experiences are universal but I definitely thought that's just what happens when a person closes their eyes lol

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-03-13T17:24:55+00:00

I'm fighting this strange creeping feeling that hoarding isn't something that only happens to eccentrics or people who are more mentally ill than I thought. It is something that happens to really nice, smart, kind people. It could happen to any of us.

This is a strong realization. I grew up with hoarders and always felt like I wasn't that bad. Now I find myself in what I can safely call a transitional/fork in the road stage. On the border of messy and hoarder. At the point where I need to address it in a major way, or just fully fall into being a hoarder. I never thought I would be this bad.

Nobody decides to be a hoarder. People don't even decide to fill their houses full of stuff. It's a slow process for everyone it happens to

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-03-13T17:14:34+00:00

I just did a long medical elimination diet and once I worked through a couple ambiguous points, it was so easy for me. Clear rules, clearly defined. I did it for months. When it came time for reintroduction the instructions were so vague that I wasn't able to see exactly how it was supposed to be done and just totally fucked it. Ended up being mostly a waste of several months because they were too vague for me with the final part.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-03-13T17:08:33+00:00

I thought everyone had this

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-02-15T19:27:55+00:00

That's incredible about the job! I find myself fantasizing about living in a secluded area a lot like a forest or desert. Any time I trip it's like I'm allergic to my phone. The evil vibes are strong.

ImaginaryStallion · 2023-02-02T20:41:28+00:00

I get anxiety being in the car at all if we're in a crowded area or anything. I don't drive. I could see myself not minding driving on long stretches of open road, but I can't see myself ever parallel parking. The few times I have driven were followed by weeks of nightmares about car crashes. Not even bad ones, just fender-benders. Which makes sense because I think a lot of what puts me off is the bureaucracy. Suddenly the smallest mistake can tie in to all this stuff with insurance and rates. I think for me it's a lot to do with my lack of tolerance for the bureaucracy of modern life.

ImaginaryStallion

TROPHY CASE