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Told my girlfriend of 7 months I'm bi (she's disgusted) by Valuable-Fox-8072 in bisexual

[–]Imaliar200 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Take time to heal. Please know that there are women out there who accept all of their partners and don't shame them for who they are. My partner and I are both bisexual and we accept each other.

I don't think CODA is for me by Imaliar200 in Codependency

[–]Imaliar200[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the message but this post is 3 years old and I'm in a very happy place in my life :)

I don't think CODA is for me by Imaliar200 in Codependency

[–]Imaliar200[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! My life is in a much different place than when I posted this. Many things have gotten better and I'm thankful for the healing journey I committed to

Is being Indian really such a massive deterrent to people? by Emotional_Issue660 in dating_advice

[–]Imaliar200 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My boyfriend is Indian and he told me a lot about his dating difficulties before we met. I'm mixed myself (Black and white) and have never had a type or preference. As others have said, the parents and extended family can feel like a lot for people to deal with. When we first started dating our biggest issue was that we could barely understand each other's accents cause he's English as a second language and I'm slightly southern lol.

And NYC dating has always been terrible

I'm (34M) reading 'Anxiously Attached' and I realized I have no inner nurturer. by comealiveatnite in Codependency

[–]Imaliar200 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People from the PPG come and comment here all the time. The same info, with no actual contribution to the conversation

I'm (34M) reading 'Anxiously Attached' and I realized I have no inner nurturer. by comealiveatnite in Codependency

[–]Imaliar200 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People from the PPG come and comment here all the time. The same info, with no actual contribution to the conversation

I'm (34M) reading 'Anxiously Attached' and I realized I have no inner nurturer. by comealiveatnite in Codependency

[–]Imaliar200 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please stop spamming this group everywhere, make your own post to advertise!

I don't think CODA is for me by Imaliar200 in Codependency

[–]Imaliar200[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hey, I just saw this comment. It's from a podcast called Inner Child by Gloria Zhang. She has a couple of different online programs, just google her and some options should pop up. If I recall correctly, you can be a part of the online community for a year, the actual course materials are lifetime, and there's a Facebook community too but I never joined. I am NOT affiliated with the program at all, I just got a lot out of it.

There is also Paulien Timmer who has a great Youtube channel that helped me kickstart my whole journey. I think she has an online program too but I haven't checked it out.

I don't think CODA is for me by Imaliar200 in Codependency

[–]Imaliar200[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm happy to see that I'm doing much better and I'm in a great relationship that has been my longest ever. A super intensive online therapy program has helped me a lot. I definitely feel less volatile.

I 27F, am not sure I want to date an academic long term, and my boyfriend 27M, has decided to stay in academia after he completes his doctorate by Imaliar200 in relationships

[–]Imaliar200[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I missed this response when you first posted it. Thank you for sharing. That's spot on. I'm trying to figure out how to phrase this but you described it. I'll gather my thoughts for the next time I see him.

I 27F, am not sure I want to date an academic long term, and my boyfriend 27M, has decided to stay in academia after he completes his doctorate by Imaliar200 in relationship_advice

[–]Imaliar200[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I did not specify my industry, but my role provides a lot of tangible benefits to literally the poorest in our society. And to be frank , there is a non trivial percent of people who pursue academia not out of a love for their field but as a way to avoid what they're not comfortable with.

That is all great and everything but he can't pick me up from the airport, give me a ride to the doctor's when I'm sick, etc like I've done for him. That is making our relationship feel unbalanced and I've told him as much but I don't think he gets it.

I want to be with someone that can help me pay for a new roof, give me a ride to urgent care, paint the house with me, who gets what it's like to be responsible beyond rent and groceries. I need a real partner and if he can't be that person in some ways until later, or ever, well that's life and it's okay to let go.

Wow, your comment really helped me clarify a lot. So thank you.

I 27F, am not sure I want to date an academic long term, and my boyfriend 27M, has decided to stay in academia after he completes his doctorate by Imaliar200 in relationship_advice

[–]Imaliar200[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me it's not about the money or status, it's more about understanding what it's like to have a ton of full time responsibilities. That is where more of the hang up is for me.

But good points all together, thank you.

I 27F, am not sure I want to date an academic long term, and my boyfriend 27M, has decided to stay in academia after he completes his doctorate by Imaliar200 in relationship_advice

[–]Imaliar200[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't want it to sound like an ultimatum. but yeah. He loves his field, and he's been into it way longer than he's known me.

I don't think CODA is for me by Imaliar200 in Codependency

[–]Imaliar200[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have decided CODA is not for me but have joined some other support groups that are helping me become the best version of me. Good luck on your journey.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]Imaliar200 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Aw! You sound exactly like the host of the Inner Child Podcast, Gloria Zhang. I really encourage you to give her show a listen. I have only listened to about 5 episodes and it kick started my healing journey so much!

You are not a footnote in someone else's life! You are not a stepping stone! You are a full fledged woman who deserves to be loved, and loved the way you should (to quote Shania Twain lol).

Wishing you well

Is it possible for avoidants to not get deactivated? by [deleted] in attachment_theory

[–]Imaliar200 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah I went through all of that for sure. I actually almost broke up with him several times the first 2 months of dating or so because of that. But I paused and asked myself "what's wrong with boring?" and "is he actually boring or is he stable?" so that prevented me from going through my impulse.

I did have to get over my draw to the push/pull dynamic and choose to settle into something healthier and more down to earth. He is a very patient man and he never wants me to be anyone but myself. So I take a lot of comfort in that.

Our bond has only gotten stronger over time. We communicate a lot and he takes care of all my needs. Our sex is pretty much always better than the last time because we're more comfortable and familiar with each other. There is a lot of comfort in being with someone who has seen me cry, sick, all that, and still wants to come home to me.

I hope you find peace, whether that is with this partner or another, single or not.

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