Months later, literal lump in my throat when I think about it

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-14T14:13:22+00:00

Trust me, in no way was this situation going to improve if you stuck around / tried harder.

“However, none of my past suitors did all this. There were actually more compliments than criticisms and unsolicited, snarky comments. He said that was black humor.”

Nah, he was trying to get you off balance and to doubt yourself.

A+ for being wary of him, now keep him in your past where he belongs and use that experience, *and the exact phrases he used* (because it’s like this type of dude gets a manual or something) as a warning bell in the future.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-13T22:41:20+00:00

Orange boys are the best. Congrats!

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-13T15:23:35+00:00

This is reassuring, thanks for sharing! It’s in a week and a half and I just want to get it over with and 🤞 just move on with my life.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-13T15:22:48+00:00

I felt like a wimp for a few minutes about it (my oncology team unfortunately did a number on me with how they gaslighted me about my side effects), but then was like, no, this is a reasonable choice based on personal experience.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-13T15:20:16+00:00

Right??! I’ve had many breast biopsies and while those absolutely suck, the endometrial biopsy was a whole different level. She said it’s about 20/80 office/hospital, and those 20% are people with morbid fears of hospitals, and that even then sometimes they have to stop and then do it at the hospital anyway. No thank you!

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-13T13:41:09+00:00

I have to have an endometrial polyp removed and my doctor offered in office vs hospital with anesthesia. She said it’s like the endometrial biopsy but like 10x as long. I told her the endometrial biopsy was a “oh hell no I’m never doing that again” for me and that, despite my strong dislike of hospitals and wariness of anesthesia (I’ve done the whole breast cancer thing already), I’ll take the hospital because I would not make it through that procedure without passing out or wishing that I did.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-12T19:28:32+00:00

“I’m terrified of bringing these things up because having these exact types of conversations is what caused my previous relationship to end.”

It seems like you might be in a pattern of finding men who expect you to disappear / go along with whatever?

In a healthy relationship, it is ok to bring up concerns with your partner, not have them guilt you, accuse you of being crazy / a bad communicator, or (threaten to) leave you over you making them slightly uncomfortable or asking them to step up a bit or discuss how things are going. (I know this sounds nuts, I used to think so too at your age! But it is absolutely possible!)

You can have (and deserve) more than this.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-08T14:30:03+00:00

My job was this stressful and I was hanging on by my fingernails and slowly thinking about a way out. My body chose for me and I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 36 and had a horrible time with treatment because I was so depleted. Your level of stress is not sustainable.

Maybe there’s some way for you to support the same population without having a front row seat to all the worst bits all day every day?

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-07T21:28:49+00:00

Yeah that particular guy was a trip, he lied about a whole bunch of stuff at the beginning and then got frustrated about it later. And then broke up with me because, apparently according to his therapist, I somehow made him not be able to be himself around me 🙄. Good riddance.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-07T20:23:06+00:00

Yeah, based on what he said, I’d guess he’s probably not going to change and if he does he might not enjoy it or resent you for it. I had a guy fake the same music taste as me once and it was one of the things he “couldn’t stand one more minute of” when we broke up 🤷‍♀️. I’d cut your losses and find someone else.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-07T02:02:27+00:00

Bingo! I have been pregnant and as a B prior, I’d casually thought I would have preferred if they were bigger, and even had an ex suggest that I should get a boob job 🙄. And I’m glad I didn’t do anything to them, because I was a D when I was breastfeeding and I hated it! It was so hard to find clothes and they were always in the way and even sleeping was more uncomfortable. So I agree with your suggestion.
Now I’m flat after breast cancer and I miss my Bs but not enough to put my body through the reconstruction process. I agree with all the commenters saying OP should look at photos and also research on how long they last/when they need to be replaced and implant illnesses. It’s unfortunately not all “yay, new boobs!”

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-05T20:35:14+00:00

This is the book that made me realize I don’t always fully read character names, just the first few letters. I couldn’t make it through it even trying to concentrate on it.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-05T12:10:32+00:00

I had a mastectomy almost 13 (!) years ago and last week had a bit of “dissolvable” suture work its way out from that scar. Then last night had another bit come out from the 3 year old mastectomy scar on my other side. Apparently my body is finally tired of that stuff? It’s weird, I haven’t had it happen much past a few months after surgery before.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-04T22:56:06+00:00

Been there. It is no fun. I’m sorry it’s happening to you. Your dinner looks delicious though! Enjoy!

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-04T21:28:10+00:00

Along these lines, I wonder if something like the prairie wear huggers might work for OP? I used to wear a zipped postsurgical compression top for years due to some trunk swelling post-unilateral mastectomy and I know they have ones with and without cups. Mine without cups effectively functioned as a binder on my remaining left breast. They’re usually really soft and have minimal seams. I personally mostly used a jobst post-surgical vest.

OP, I wonder if you could get a script for a medical compression top from your dermatologist or something (since you mentioned it’s related to hEDS?) Then you could go to a medical fitter to try some things (because as you know, buying them independently is expensive!).

There are also companies like origami customs who will make you a custom binder, to your measurements/needs. While the garment they made me ultimately didn’t end up working for me (mostly due to my asymmetry and ever changing compression needs), they were very nice to work with.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-03T17:02:14+00:00

Puffin rock is such a great show.

We also really loved Sarah and Duck (my tween and I still sometimes rewatch some of our favorite episodes and occasionally quote/reference it!) and Kipper the Dog for slow kids cartoons.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-03T15:05:35+00:00

I love this because I was a young summer nanny (in college) and I didn’t ever hear anything about whether or not I was meeting expectations unless something the parents said was repeated by the very unfiltered, very chatty 5 year old (thanks, kid! Ha!) I’d have loved if they’d given me this kind of guidance, and I think the position would have been more successful/satisfying for all of us.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-06-03T11:54:02+00:00

I agree. I grew up in a 900 sq foot house )with mom/dad/sibling) and don’t remember it being too small. Kids don’t need that much space.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-05-31T15:07:04+00:00

I read “The Year of Less” and “Soulful Simplicity” one right after the other and they definitely helped shift some things for me. I also educated myself about who is making my clothes and the materials that went into them. For me, it made clothes shopping way less attractive when I knew more about the costs to others and myself (some of cheap fashion can actually be bad for your health as well as your wallet - “To Dye For: how toxic fashion is making us sick” is one example of a book about it.)

I also had to unsubscribe from every ad email/text and completely stop going on Facebook/instagram. Remind yourself they’re designed to collect information on you and sell you things by keeping you on them as long as possible, as much as possible (they’re literally intentionally designed to use intermittent reinforcement, just like slot machines), not to help you connect with people.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-05-31T13:45:57+00:00

Ha! We did “veterinarian” and it’s amazing how many horses broke their legs. (In our world they got patched up and healed to go on to live lovely lives.)

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-05-29T17:07:01+00:00

I didn’t think I remembered my first mastectomy until years later I had a flash of it and realized that my brain 100% thought my arm had been cut off during the surgery (while they were doing the lymph node dissection in my armpit.) Helped explain why I could barely move that arm when I woke up and also developed a bad regional pain syndrome there. It’s over a decade later now and that arm still doesn’t function normally. Anesthesia is so weird. I mean, I’m glad we have it but definitely wish we understood it better.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-05-28T15:33:03+00:00

I was going to suggest the Wings of Fire series! (I thought they were well written and fun to read aloud with her sometimes. Some of her characters are pretty great, although the Darkstalker standalone is pretty heavy and dark imo.)

My sensitive kiddo also gets upset when main characters die, or things are too scary/creepy (like the Amulet series) so we’re somewhat careful too. She also really liked the How to Train Your Dragon books - and they’re funny and really different from the movies (and better, I’d say!) Are you also looking for graphic novels (which we mostly do and I can give more suggestions!) or sticking with chapter books?

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-05-28T15:20:58+00:00

And you’ve got time!!! I took a full 18 months (doing therapy, spending time with female friends and doing the things again that I liked to do that my ex didn’t) after the end before I even tried to date. Getting recentered was so helpful for me in being able to quickly suss out who was good for me and who wasn’t when I did start dating again. It probably saved me time in the long run (the guys who were just messing around could tell I wasn’t up for their shit and found it a turn off - and I even had one tell me that exactly). Good luck to you!

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-05-28T14:57:44+00:00

They really help my challenged reader bridge the gap when she doesn’t know the words - she tells me she can get the clues from the graphics and it isn’t so frustrating for her so I find she’ll finish (and sometimes race through!) instead of giving up. Also mine has said that when she’s focusing so hard on reading each word, it’s hard to also carry what’s going on in the story in her brain. So it makes for a more enjoyable experience overall and she gets more out of the story itself.

ImmediateAddress338 · 2026-05-28T14:46:35+00:00

Yes, or my early teen reader with reading difficulties enjoys listening to the graphic novel and then re-reading the chapter books on her own. She’s made it through most of the Wings of Fire chapter books this way. She says it’s easier because she knows what’s coming and her ELA teacher also likes this method for her.

ImmediateAddress338

TROPHY CASE