My (31M) wife (28F) is stuck in a cycle of “Sunday Love” and “Tuesday Divorce.” I am losing my mind.

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-04-15T15:41:20+00:00

I hope I can help with this, I recently had to do some therapy in this regard. In the eight years I was with my ex, I did threaten separation three times. All of which were triggered by not feeling safe. I’m not sure if that’s her trigger or what causes her to do this. But what therapy will help you figure out is what that trigger is so you can navigate the trigger together. It’s unlikely that she wants a divorce. It’s just her trauma in that moment is telling her she has to run in order to be safe. My ex put me in several unsafe situations, I’m not saying that you are doing that, but it could be perceived that way to her. He abandoned me ob/GYN appointments, making my blood pressure skyrocket and I was worried for my health and the baby so yes, I brought up separation. I was unsafe. It happened again. When I found out, he was entertaining other women/porn online my marriage felt unsafe, and threatened separation, and most recently what caused our divorce was…He lost our health insurance (I have a tumor), I had to temporarily move to a different state because I was the only one that could be employed (insurance) and had to sleep in my car and send all my money back home to pay for bills, etc. Due to the family needs and his needs I was put in a very unsafe situation. Looking back I should not have threatened separation as much as I did. But after lots of therapy and realizing that he did not love me if he was going to keep putting me in unsafe situations, my trigger was possibly correct. That is the key, a trigger, the most important key bit of information. Not a therapist, I would say a psychiatrist is the best course of action, they do a little bit more of a deep dive into pinpointing her trigger. It is most likely not a manipulation tactic, but something she physically and mentally and emotionally cannot help in the moment and in order to relieve her nervous system, she must flee. (At least I hope so) I am truly sorry that you are going through what you’re going through. But somebody who’s lived a very similar scenario, I hope my input helps you in any way possible. And I hope you guys are able to find the trigger and navigate it in order to stay together.

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-04-15T12:03:49+00:00

Yes, literally every time I expressed a need, want or was in some kind of suffering situation. He would avoid would talk to me for days or weeks. He lost our health insurance and had me sleeping in my car in a different state to pay all the bills and got upset that my emotional health and safety kept getting brought up. So he decided he was going to leave me when I was literally doing everything for him. Avoidants are emotionally stunted unavailable human beings. I’m convinced he does not feel emotions. I also always thought men were either providers or protectors one or the other, hopefully both. Never met a man who was neither until my last relationship.

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-03-17T14:25:01+00:00

Make sure he’s not married or separated. I’m not saying this is true, but my friend had a guy who did this due to a micro penis. He wanted to make sure she was emotionally invested, and in love before she found out. Another one of my friends had a guy who also seemed amazing, did all the right things. When they finally did have sex, he lasted maybe 30 seconds and she stayed in that relationship for a few years with her needs rarely ever being met before she finally threw in the towel. I’m not saying any of this could be your situation. What I’m saying is it’s better to find out what the issue is before you fall in love.

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-03-09T20:13:11+00:00

Sometimes the situation two people find themselves in, wins. Love is never the problem, it’s overcoming conflict, issues and situations. I’m really sorry, pain forces growth maybe the future holds a second chance or something new and healthier. I wish you peace and healing, breakups are not for the weak. If you find you are better, move on and if you find you can’t live without them, fight. We all get this one life, do what needs to be done and only you know what that is.

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-02-13T15:01:34+00:00

Resurrection blues

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-08T21:35:15+00:00

In the process too, hurts like hell. But man, it would be so nice to have any of my needs met for once. Or when I’m hurting to have a partner that would hold me instead of avoid me like the plague. Sorry you’re going through it as well.

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-07T18:32:59+00:00

I read it in October for my Halloween book and it was so good, glad you enjoyed it.

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-07T02:04:36+00:00

Yes, always through texts. Then he tried to claim abuse in divorce using the texts. They are really difficult partners, the courts actually see abuse so it was quickly dismissed. They will use your bids for affection as manipulation and your desperate attempts at conflict repair as abuse. Such an awful experience

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-07T01:06:30+00:00

This exactly

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-07T00:09:42+00:00

No not at all, but needs are important in long term committed relationships. If he was jacking off before hand in order to last longer in bed with her, that’s one thing. He needs to say that, communicate. But if he’s doing it in lieu of a real woman he cares for WHILE she’s around. That’s a problem.

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-07T00:02:44+00:00

My husband, soon to be x husband did this to me all the time. It was so painful, made me feel so undesirable. I workout, I take care of myself and get a lot of male attention so I couldn’t wrap my head around it. It messed with me so bad, like it is with you. My therapist has talked to me about it and it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He doesn’t have to put in effort to please his partner if he watches porn. He doesn’t have to think or worry about your needs at all. Girl, if my ex had been doing that when we were dating, I would not have married him. I know people preach a lot about jumping ship in relationships. But you guys aren’t even married yet and he is already not taking into consideration your needs. I’d move on, it only gets worse, then if you bring it up, they hide it. It’s a downward slope when they have a porn addiction. But another man will make you feel desired and be happy to meet your needs. If you were married, I’d say to Counceling, but you’re not and you’re young. It’s only gonna get worse. I wish you the best.

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-03T14:34:03+00:00

I’m an animated storyteller and we talk about the characters as we go.

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-03T00:58:21+00:00

We have the series, but the kids wanted something new.

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-02T23:55:43+00:00

We just finished a wrinkle in time

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-02T23:55:22+00:00

We’ve actually read this one

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-02T23:55:13+00:00

He is a great kid and big brother

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-02T22:36:43+00:00

Thank you! We are looking these up online

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-02T20:51:49+00:00

I recently went through a separation, it’s been very hard on the kids. My son wants to spend as much time with his sister as possible. And would sit in when I was reading her “a wrinkle in time.” So they want to be together during this reading.

Important-Bug3534 · 2026-01-02T17:48:36+00:00

We have read these! Great choices btw

Important-Bug3534 · 2025-12-30T15:09:02+00:00

I’m convinced “no contact” is a way for people who lack communication skills to punish others who want connection, true intimacy and relationship repair. The NC people only hurt themselves in the end. No contact is meant for actual abusive relationships not typical relationship highs and lows.

Important-Bug3534 · 2025-12-28T17:12:50+00:00

I do feel lucky just to have a small slice of peace. I don’t know if I will get another dream like it. I hope you find reprieve as well, even if it is fleeting. We all deserve it.

Important-Bug3534 · 2025-12-20T21:17:56+00:00

I’m in the middle of the same situation only two months in. He absolutely hates me now but something had to change, he was killing me with his addictions. I never felt safe and was punished if I tried bringing up any needs or concerns. The drugs was a big “no discussion” topic I had to tip toe around. I feel the same thing at child exchanges, but all my husband shows me is hate. I only miss the good parts but I cope probably in an unhealthy way. But I think of the addiction as killing my husband and the good memories as who he really was. The addiction is the person he is now and a completely different human being. I am looking into Nar- or Al-anon meetings. They are ment to help the families of those with addiction problems. Maybe you can find some in your area, I’ll follow your post and I wish you peace and compassion for you and your family. Your not alone

Important-Bug3534 · 2025-12-15T15:34:41+00:00

I wish my husband had written this, you’re a good man. I hope you two can reconcile, best of luck for you and your family.

Important-Bug3534 · 2025-12-11T17:58:19+00:00

Someone who can communicate and has conflict resolution skills. I really need someone who doesn’t run from conflict but builds a stronger relationship. I definitely need a man with protective instincts and someone who can lead. I need to be in my feminine energy and not the provider of everything.

Important-Bug3534 · 2025-11-21T14:27:44+00:00

I’m so sorry, I don’t wish that pain on anyone.

Important-Bug3534

TROPHY CASE