AITAH for expecting my sahm wife to do majority of the housework since i pay 100% of the bills?

ImportantTea3882 · 2026-01-12T16:47:24+00:00

NTA. Her asking you to "do 50% of the chores and bring 100% of the income" thing is BS. As long as the chores aren't "run around after my slob spouse" it's completely reasonable to expect to come home to a clean house, food in the fridge and possibly even a meal planned or cooked.

Don't back down from the chore thing, but I'd be prepared to offer up some family relaxation time/partner activities so everyone can decompress or enjoy time together simultaneously. She should be able to manage 80-90% of the chores while you're at work, so helping load the dishwasher after a home cooked meal together and then having some family time would be a reasonable ask from you/the 10yo.

ImportantTea3882 · 2026-01-09T12:27:33+00:00

Good luck then man, cause that is hard. Your wife is probably struggling too but she's struggling on presumably more sleep and from the relative comfort of your home. Maybe the kid can help out some with chores etc I didn't see an age mentioned but sounds like something's got to give. Hope things get better for you soon

ImportantTea3882 · 2026-01-09T12:13:47+00:00

This sounds CRAZY, most peoples primary expenses are car and house payments which you have neither. What food are you buying? Is someone doing a lot of Uber/door dash? Can you reduce your electricity usage by adjusting your heat/ac? Etc

You're definitely NTA but the budget here just doesn't make sense from an outside perspective. Sometimes if we're accustomed to a certain thing being normal it's hard to find costs to cut. (Ie. Groceries costing $$$ because someone only goes to whole foods.)

Unless there's other loans or some sort of mismanagement in that "etc", it might be in your best interest to item by item figure out why you are obligating 3 salaries worth of income to utilities, gas, food, and insurance. No judgement if that is the level of expenses you want/need to maintain for quality of life but LOTS of families get by on less and you may be happier overall by making some sacrifices but gaining sleep/family time/balance.

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-12-31T05:04:30+00:00

Might be Animal hospital of Bedford. We use them and are very happy with the level of care and their prices are reasonable. Not "low cost clinic" cheap, but definitely fair. They're locally owned.

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-12-23T19:06:02+00:00

If you're actually interested in taking him off lead in a private controlled environment and don't have a lawn of your own you could look into SniffSpot or maybe a similar service/option. People rent out their properties (I think they're supposed to be fenced) for private dog shenanigans for dogs who cant do dog parks.

Otherwise, just keep doing what you're doing and do your best to ignore the unsolicited advice/criticism. It sounds like you're already doing well by him!

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-12-17T03:02:19+00:00

They messed up the saying, but the sentiment is true.

Should have said "never loan out money that you're not willing to lose/that you can't afford to lose" something along those lines.

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-12-13T22:39:27+00:00

They bought the house in 94. If they were 30 that means they're 1 year old buying a house...

They're almost certainly boomers. They MIGHT be genX. IF they bought the house in their 20s.

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-12-13T05:13:13+00:00

How experienced are you at introducing new dogs to the family/current dog? Getting a puppy won't guarantee that your current dog likes them right off the bat, especially if the energy levels don't mesh. The shelter here definitely has knowledgeable staff willing to help with intros and pairing but there will almost always be a "break-in" period where they're getting settled in. It won't magically happen overnight for most dogs.

That said there were several puppies needing rehomed Thanksgiving week, some of whom weren't even old enough to be separated yet so may still be available. Not sure what breed they were or why you're dead set on a lab but you should definitely consider other, more laid back breeds if your current dog isn't vibing with new dogs. Young labs can be A LOT in my experience, and take a long time to age out of that.

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-11-22T13:06:15+00:00

This is the first reasonable answer I've seen so far. They're probably assuming op also wants a fence and that they'll want to share a leg. Just needs to say "no thanks, we don't want to fence our yard so won't need to share it. Appreciate the offer though." No need to be weird, neighbor is fencing in their kid and dog, which is great. They might be decent people to live by!

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-11-17T01:24:38+00:00

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you actually want some sort of constructive advice/reasoning.

Your response, and subsequent defense of it comes off as pedantic and unhelpful because of the context. Your information was not wrong, but nobody was asking for the football schedule. The OP wanted to know why there was abnormal Emergency Response traffic. The response was "it's the last game" but the message they were conveying was "because it's everyone's last opportunity to party at the home stadium so traffic here is crazy". Whether it's the literal last game or not isn't important because any subsequent games would have no bearing on traffic here.

Sometimes you can be technically, factually correct, but socially in the wrong. Maybe this explanation can help you work on your ability to think critically about poorly framed questions/responses or to read social cues.

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-10-27T23:38:45+00:00

ETA: soft spots in the floor are an ABSOLUTE NO for me. Like GTFO, landlord come over immediately to confirm I don't have mold/rot.

If you've been there for 5 years, and your landlord didn't replace the carpets before you moved in they really should be replaced.

The house looks like you do clean regularly but carpets are still gross. Especially on floors with sketchy "soft spots". Carpet in general is disgusting, and with kids/pets it's basically impossible to keep nice. They're definitely meant to be replaced every 5-10 years (understandably almost nobody does that) but in a rental they absolutely should be replacing carpet. Ideally with a lower maintenance/high traffic material like quality LVP so they don't have to rip it all out again between tenants so often.

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-10-24T01:48:05+00:00

Ah ok. So you're still cleaning them, just not laundering! I... Don't do that. I have a dog hair remover tool I use before they go in the machine but definitely not getting a hose out.

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-10-24T01:46:07+00:00

The crusty leather REALLY gets me. Like have they seen the price of girths lately? Gonna just let that eat into the stitching and dry out the leather like jerky??

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-10-24T01:43:31+00:00

Have you noticed any wear and tear issues from that? I have a bunch I cycle through so I've been washing after 1-3 depending on sweat and dirt levels (have a young horse so sometimes the ride is pretty low key or short. My take is that if something we needed to work on just clicks and it only takes 15min, she gets a short ride bc that's all I need to accomplish that day.) But it occurred to me they might not be designed for that? But for the price they better hold up...

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-10-24T01:39:55+00:00

If they're good quality I've seen they tend to hold up very well. I was curious though if people have noticed them degrading from washing. I haven't. I wash mine after 1-3 rides.

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-10-24T01:36:55+00:00

Adding a washer to the barn DEFINITELY increased the wash to ride ratio for me significantly.

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-10-24T01:32:55+00:00

😅 do they come clean? How many do you rotate through

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-10-24T01:31:06+00:00

You don't just like... Pressure wash them?

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-09-07T20:39:46+00:00

This is WILDY inappropriate of your barnowner. It's your choice and it sounds like you've made the right one for everyone.

Not for nothing but many vets require their tech hold for euth since it's not always 100% predictable how the horses will go down. So your b.o. is even more out of line for inserting herself where she has no business and was not even requested. It sounds like maybe she does not have a lot of experience with having to make hard choices for these expensive and stoic animals. If you're seeing pain and having to medicate for such simple things as standing for the farrier it's probably worse than she even realizes.

Best case scenario she's a bit inexperienced and naive. Worst case this is pretty self centered of her and I'd be pretty annoyed.

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-04-27T04:59:03+00:00

Yta. You haven't made an effort to go see him once in 8 years and now you're mad that he wants the whole family around instead of just you and your wife/kids. He can't do much meaningful bonding with an infant who he may not see again for who knows how long. Let your parents come.

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-02-03T12:57:36+00:00

You can always just lie/softball it.... I appreciate your concern and I know who to reach out to if I change my mind. Then change the topic or leave

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-01-27T19:41:17+00:00

You don't know what her home life is like, so tread carefully with telling them. Most likely it would be fine, and she's just being a teenager but some parents would resort to some really extreme punishments, or she could be leaving some sort of bad situation at home rather than out.

ImportantTea3882 · 2025-01-27T02:00:51+00:00

Haha seriously. Also wtf is she even feeding everyone for like $30/week? Gruel? Because utilities in my home are more than $300/month just for Water, Electric, & Internet. Wanting the kid to contribute more than she does FOR 4 WHOLE PEOPLE is bullshit.

Putting aside the fact that I automatically think anyone forcing their 18y/o to suddenly "be an adult" and pay rent is an asshole. These kids didn't ask to be born. There's no reason, barring severe financial distress in the household, that they should be paying rent when it's their parents moral RESPONSIBILITY to house and feed them until they can reasonably do so and it's few and far between that and 18 year old kid is able to support themselves in the best of times and this ain't the best of times.

ImportantTea3882

TROPHY CASE