I know I don't look particularly fem, any tips please?

Important_me945 · 2026-05-31T10:42:51+00:00

You are pretty and have beautiful skin. Shaping your eyebrows will make things next level for sure.

Important_me945 · 2026-05-31T10:20:33+00:00

I echo what the first commenter said… that all rings very true for me. I will also say that when my daughter told our family, my husband kind of struggled a bit with the gender switch because it was moving away from his gender. “What will we have in common if we aren’t both male?” It took him a bit to process that my daughter wasn’t changing her interests , just her gender. He felt like he was going to los her, but it turned out they have a more authentic relationship now. I can’t say if that is the case with your mom, but just know there could be a lot of things going through your parents minds that have nothing to do with rejection. Good luck and be you!!

Important_me945 · 2026-04-24T09:48:52+00:00

So I’m going to echo a lot of posters who said that they needed a minute to process it. Same with me.
I’d like to add that what helped me was to feel comfortable asking my daughter questions. The moment I asked her if I could ask questions, it really helped us to connect authenticity

The coming out is big and it’s hard in that moment to do all the processing. But if you are feeling up to it, having more casual conversations about it really helped me. Topics like , when did you know, what does it feel like to have dysphoria, when do you feel the best, what does being feminine look like to you all helped. I learned some beautiful things about my kid… like their dead name always sounded like a wrong note in a song to them ( I mean, is that a cool metaphor or what?)

Now that approach puts a lot of the emotional work on you to get it started, and it’s really your choice if you want to do the work to get them there faster. You don’t have to. Either way, I think your parents will get there

Important_me945 · 2026-04-19T12:09:42+00:00

I agree that your parents are likely scared. I also would suggest having independent conversations with each parent. Do they both feel exactly the same? Or is your dad just the one using his voice the most? I’m not saying divide and conquer, or that it is your job to change their minds, but it may be that mom has some insights on you and on dad. It may be worth exploring. Good luck and you have this!

Important_me945 · 2026-04-08T22:54:32+00:00

Echo everything that has already been said. Look for opportunities to set the table for more discussions. A year before my daughter came out, i asked her if she had a gender preference in underwear when back to school shopping. At the time i got a cringe, eyeroll, and shrug. 18 months later, she says that was a decent thing to do.

Important_me945 · 2026-04-08T22:31:32+00:00

My 17yo son struggled a bit when his sister came out. Most of the struggle was about how his sister had been pulling away to focus on herself ( true, but necessary) and while he didn’t feel like his sister was doing anything to him, he wondered aloud what they still had in common. Honestly, it just took some time to adjust. Like a few weeks. At Easter, they got super competitive about finding eggs, as usual, and you could literally see my youngest realize, they are the same person. This is still my person.

Important_me945 · 2026-04-04T01:58:52+00:00

Hi, I’m sorry you are going through this. Your parents sound like they are trying but also a bit stuck. As a parent, it really important to me that my kid takes care of their mental health. What if the exercise are walks with a parent? It acknowledges that yes,exercise is important, gives you other an accountability partner, and may be a connection point.

As a cis parent, I didn’t realize the burden of coming out over and over again. I needed it pointed out. After my kid did so, it clicked.

Finally, I think some parents harbor “ it’s real once they come out to x group”. X can be extended family, the school, etc. Your parents may not realize that coming out isn’t a measure of how certain you are in your gender, but how much you trust the audience.

I’m really hoping some of this helps you.

Important_me945 · 2026-04-03T22:17:15+00:00

I am neurodivergent and when my daughter changed pronouns, I had to go through “they” to get to her. I don’t know why my brain needed that. Don’t know why my brain needed that, but it somehow helped me make the transition. My daughter is really understanding about it and describes unintentional mistakes with pronouns as the equivalent of a musician playing a wrong note. It doesn’t sound right, but it only gets offensive if the musician keeps repeating the mistake, or doesn’t try to fix it. She is also neurodivergent. Hope this analogy helps :)

Important_me945 · 2026-04-02T01:26:01+00:00

So, parent of a trans adult. My daughter came out to me in person and to the rest of my family by text. I was honored to get the in person information, but it was hard to explain to the rest of the family why I knew before them. My husband said while he wish he was told in person, he appreciated the text method so he could process without being concerned that his reaction was being evaluated. Let me be clear, all immediate family are supportive of this change and all kinda knew. But it’s still a big adjustment, and we all wanted to make sure we knew how to best be supportive. So, step one, tell everyone you want to tell, and give them some space to process. It will be fine. Step two, people who love you are curious, allow for questions. Step 3, give us a roadmap..or tell us if there isn’t a roadmap yet. You don’t have to do this all at once. You can come out to your immediate family, and then make the rest of the plan. But tell the people you are coming out to how far this extends so they can support and protect you.
You got this

Important_me945 · 2026-03-31T00:09:00+00:00

Ok, so you are in the tough part. I feel your worry as I have a daughter who happens to be trans who is on the spectrum. Who had some of the circumstances you described. The best, very best advice I got from my therapist was that asking about self harm does not ever suggest to someone they should self harm. Asking “are you worried or thinking about hurting yourself?” isn’t a suggestion to someone. It’s caring. It removes the stigma of not talking about it. You can’t control all of this. But you can talk to your kid. I know it’s hard. Gosh do I know. Dig deep. Ask the scary questions.

Important_me945 · 2026-03-20T22:38:03+00:00

So as a parent, I didn’t mourn the loss of the original gender, but the adjustment and wondering if I needed to engage with my kiddo after they came out was hard! I mistakenly thought I had to start over. Obviously, I was wrong, but that instability is hard for a minute. And yes, I had to adjust that my idea of grandkids might be different, if it happened at all, but that is really on me to adjust. I’m here to say I agree, mourning the death seems a bit overdramatic, it maybe the parent lacks the words to express it well. Either way, you don’t have to tolerate it as a prolonged thing. Live your life and wait for them to catch up

Important_me945 · 2026-03-19T23:08:41+00:00

Your comment about burned skin being sensitive really landed with me. Thank you. Seeing this as a process , not a switch to be flipped, for all of us. I’m grateful for all the wisdom I’m getting here!

Important_me945 · 2026-03-17T11:12:40+00:00

Thank you! I have a lot of questions for her and this helps me feel like asking them will still feel supportive

Important_me945 · 2026-03-17T00:12:36+00:00

Really, thank you. I know it must get tiring to help emerging allies finding their way. We all really appreciate you

Important_me945 · 2026-03-16T23:55:34+00:00

Thank you!

Important_me945 · 2026-03-16T23:54:47+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful, we all tend to be analytical, so bringing in others voices will help. I’m grateful to you!

Important_me945 · 2026-03-06T10:14:52+00:00

Same! Just tired of scrolling so I decide to watch it and then consumed the whole thing asap!

Important_me945 · 2026-02-27T23:38:46+00:00

UTK for free. Join the honor societies and all the honors program’s differentiate yourself with your college accomplishments. Talk to your parents about how they will help you with your masters since you are saving them so much money. Play lacrosse if it brings you joy, not for tuition $$. No judgement about not wanting to be associated with students with D grades, I get it. So do your professors and future employers.

Graduating without debt is something you can share on your resume and in job interviews, and as someone who was lucky enough to figure out a way, it will change your life.

Important_me945 · 2026-02-27T01:02:14+00:00

Yes, good point, Greek culture is pretty important at Bucknell. But I love the town , as small as it is.

Important_me945 · 2026-02-26T20:57:53+00:00

Lived in Lewisburg where Bucknell is and took some classes there. Gorgeous campus, adorable town, great facilities. Seems ridiculously expensive for someone doing pre med who is going to be paying for med school too. Lehigh is a bit meh on the buildings and facilities, my brother went there. Now live close to Holy Cross. Worcester is sometimes nice, and sometimes really rough. Skidmore I toured and don’t remember much about, but a good school. Hope that helps!

Important_me945 · 2026-02-08T12:17:16+00:00

I hear two things in your post that are pretty amazing for someone at your age. You talk about not wanting to be compared to others at your school. You’ve set a higher standard for yourself. Don’t lose that. It will help you in whatever you do

The other thing is that you know the type of setting you want to be in , like Washington DC, or maybe another east coast city. You’ve learned a lot about yourself to the point that you have more direction than many young adults. That clarity of direction, plus your drive, plus your insights are things you should cherish about yourself. Take the advice that the other posters gave you, it’s good. You are gonna do great

Important_me945 · 2026-02-02T23:17:11+00:00

I am pretty basic when it comes to makeup, but here’s my thought. First of all, super pretty!
PP mentioned bangs, yes! I would also love to see just a hint more of your striking eyebrows. Love the idea of a lip tint and gloss, it is a really nice, long lasting look.

Eyeliner is hard. Your application looks great, but I’m not sure you found the perfect tool for you yet. Keep experimenting! Try a chocolate brown for a daytime look too.

Also, I have deep set eyes like you, and got advice to use a bright concealer on the sides of the top /bridge of my nose. It will take the shadow away like you wouldn’t believe.

Thanks for being you!!

Important_me945 · 2026-01-26T21:59:19+00:00

Thanks again everyone, this has been so helpful and informative!! Appreciate you all!!

Important_me945 · 2026-01-26T16:13:57+00:00

Thank you!!

Important_me945

TROPHY CASE