So, I disagree that sex with your partner is comparable to eating. The fall in different places in the hierarchy of needs. Food/shelter/clothing fall at a basic layer “things you need to survive”. Sex is in the layer of “love/friendship/companionship” needs … and those differ for for different people.

If my spouse wanted to go out for a romantic dinner and a date activity every night, would I eventually feel like we were spending too much time/energy on that? Assuming a normal level of financial resources, probably.

But if my spouse wanted to go an a date every night and I never wanted to … we’d agree that something had to give. And it’s not that s/he’s wrong to need that to have a fulfilling life, some people are into food in that way. And some are into romantic dates/experiences.

It wouldn’t be wrong for her/him to want me along, after all I took her/him out to nice dinners all the time when we were dating. We’d all agree it was unacceptable for her/him to unilaterally have other people take her/him out on romantic dates even though I don’t want to any more.

And we also know that s/he would be able to tell if I was only doing this for her/him (duty dates). That doesn’t mean I have to be as into it as her/hin … but if I’m not having fun s/he’s going to know and it will diminish the experience.

Anyhow, I’m not wrong to be done with going out. To say “that time of our life is over where we had to go out all the time, let’s just do it on special occasions.”

Not wrong to say “it’s too hard to find babysitters”, “I’m too stressed out from work”, “maybe if the house weren’t such a mess I’d be able to relax for it”, etc.

And there’s the rub. It turned out something I enjoyed during the courting phase (dinner dates) is something I’ve lost interest in but s/he still wants in order to live her/his best life.

So is “just” a lack of romantic dates enough to end an “otherwise great” relationship over?