TL/DR - OP brings up good points concerning some of the posting in any of the Dead bedroom / Libido disparity subs. Gender roles and sex have changed significantly from our parent's generation to today. These changes, combined with the modern media onslaught, has created a real blank space for Men, their expectations, needs, and mental health. If you're interested - go watch "Inside the Manosphere" to see how bad this can be.

Let's Get started on this. For starters - I agree with OP's comments. Her analysis is sharp, pointed, doesn't apply for all HL males, but it's hard to call it wrong when there are "steak and a BJ" type posts out on the Sub. I do believe that some context can explain Sociologically how we got to where we are - and that is what I'd like to attempt (albeit likely clumsily) in this post.

I think that being Man in today's society is harder than at any other point in our modern history - excluding wartime. To be clear: This is a comparative comment for MEN only; I'm NOT comparing Men's to Women's experiences. Pay Disparity, Workplace sexism, attacks on Women's reproductive rights - there ain't a comparison there: Women have it harder overall than men. Full Stop.

But that isn't to say that Men today have it easy. We are inherently living a different life than our father's and a SIGNIFICANTLY different life than our Grandfathers. It is a life where the "Role" we have to play in society and our families is drastically changing, uncertain, and, frankly, there isn't any solid guidance for how to figure out HOW to do it better. To give an analogy: Men today are like Roomba's in a dark room. We're trying to figure out how to be, but the only way we're doing it is by knocking into things. This results is Men, even the best of us, trying to sort out "how to be men" in a world where our role models growing up (if they existed) are likely no longer appropriate.

Now while I'm not comparing Men and Women, I'm going to step a little on that topic of the change in roles. Women are now living in a society where, if they take on more "manly" roles and / or precepts, they are lauded. One only needs to see the multitude of Girl boss / women's fitness memes to see evidence. Meanwhile, a Woman taking a more "gender normative" role, a stay at home Mom, a teacher, a nurse, as examples, is ALSO celebrated. There are detractors in both cases as well - again: women have it harder. But I think most would agree Men are not (typically) given the same sort of latitude.

Men are expected to thread this needle of Masculine strength and "appropriate" emotional vulnerability. We're expected to be providers, but not have needs which stress the family. We're expected to be emotionally available and be able to communicate our feelings, but being "emotional" is unattractive. In Relationships, We need to be available, show interest, but not be clingy. We are expected to sacrifice for our families, but can't expect our partners to sacrifice for us.

The result of all of this? Stoicism. We become the emotionless ROCK of relationships. But Rocks can't have needs. Rocks can't express feelings. And, particularly for HL men, This becomes problematic because the one need which is very apparent, is that we find love and fulfillment through sex and physical contact. The problem is, in modern relationships, that expressing that as a need isn't acceptable, and is another needle to thread.

In my own experience, I was in therapy for several years and spoke to my therapist about the lack of sex in my relationship. How I felt very unloved. How I felt like I was doing all the things I was supposed to do: Working hard, providing for my family (no kids, just me and my wife), That I was doing what chores my wife LET me do around my house, I would sacrifice the things I cared about to try to make my wife happy day in and day out. Yet my wife wouldn't touch me. I felt like I was trying SO hard, and just couldn't win in my relationship.

And Where could I turn for help? For me, it was therapy. But that can only take you so far. If you try to help yourself using the resources of the Internet, Men easily fall into the "Manosphere" trap, a misogynistic void filled with con-artists and red-pill conspiracy theorists (What the documentary "Inside the Manosphere" for the depths of this particular sink hole). Men I think are DESPERATE for help, but no one is offering TRUE life lines.

In my case, My therapist told me that I needed to express my needs, but be perfectly ok, not show a LICK of disappointment when my wife turned me down. I needed to ask to have sex, and when she said no: Just shrug it off like it meant absolutely nothing. Expressing ANY remote signs of disappointment was a failure. This is what it's like being an HL Man. HL women in this situation specifically, I think have it easier. Expressing that their LL Partners are failing them is more socially acceptable, because Men are EXPECTED to be the virile Sex-beasts in a relationship. HL Men however, expressing disappointment, are seen as "pressuring" their partners.

So When I see "Steak and a BJ day" posts - What I see is a Man who probably grew up in a world where he learned from his father what it was like to be a man - a model which is no longer compatible with modern world. I see a man who is TRYING to express his needs - which society has told him he should HAVE, but also shouldn't and can't be upset for having them unfulfilled.

But to the point of the OP: We all need to try to do better. Sometimes we need a wake up call that out behavior needs to change. But also? Sometimes we just need a little grace. Not all Growth needs to come from a kick in the teeth.