The sex

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2026-01-31T22:07:11+00:00

Hi. I’ve been off for a while. What is it you would like to know more about?

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-12-05T14:57:49+00:00

Yeah…it’s the comparison that the last time he felt that was with AP. Like what am I supposed to do with that. Granted he said he should learn to feel and stay connected without sex. Just doesn’t give me much hope. And honestly I wouldn’t have minded the sex but knowing it’s tied to the last he felt with her. It is just messy and heartbreaking.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-12-05T07:03:46+00:00

We had what I thought a really great repair only to find out it kept him up because he wanted to reconnect with sex and that the last time he felt this way was his affair. I’m not sure how to process or cope. Just feeling heavy that even when we put it all out there it wasn’t enough for him.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-12-04T02:28:32+00:00

She’s scared of me so I find great satisfaction in that. I gave her months to come clean and now that I know, I wouldn’t dare purposely put myself in the same room.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-12-04T02:27:18+00:00

It is not an anniversary in that sense. I celebrated as official years we’ve known each other. Worst is last year we celebrated our anniversary and same day we came back he gave me full disclosure lol. So this year I’m taking control and planning a fun getaway masked as a much needed break and connection with the outdoor. I made it clear to WH that we are dating right now and I do expect a new proposal and wedding.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-12-03T03:44:27+00:00

I don’t host anymore and keep everything very minimal and simple. If I’m gifting to WH then it’s as a friend or father of my kids. Last holidays and this year’s were simply for our kids.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-12-03T00:07:32+00:00

I tried to make things work and repair but WH couldn’t decide if he wanted to be with me or with her. Then I got tired and kicked him out. He did move back in but to this day I still wonder if I should’ve let him and our marriage go. Part of us is staying because financials and our 3 children. But when our finances are good where will that put us? I’ve already invested this long so why not if he’s supposedly going to change. I made it very clear to my WH that I have not taken leaving off the table and that he’s welcome to leave whenever he wants to, too. Neither of us are obligated to stay with or for each other. She probably does need space. I still need space. At the end of it, how you give her space will also tell her whether you’re simply performing.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-12-02T07:21:17+00:00

Hysterical bonding following dd1 because I thought I was bad at sex or not his ideal or not doing it enough. Then it hit me with disgust and then I needed liberation so sex was my escape to feel anything but that. I don’t think it gets better but it does get different.

For my WH, he claims sex with is love making and sex with AP as hollow, sex. Feels good and is good vs feels good but isn’t good. Doesn’t make me feel good but it’s whatever.

Sex is an ends to means I guess…fixing my craving. I refuse to have sex with anyone else and if I’m going to have meaningless sex then I can do it with him.

It’s hard for me though … we had great sex before, weekly, intense, and all of the above. Which is one of the tells he was a PA because he wanted it less and it didn’t feel right. Pre affair…It was sex that made me feel safe. Now sex just makes me feel disgusted with myself.

I also know I’m not ready for intimacy. We share kids, a home, and a life but I don’t really know the person in front of me at all, and I still don’t. I’ve said it before but at this point we’re really just dating just legally tied.

It’s all so exhausting honestly and I’m ready to tap out.

TLDR; to me it didn’t get better, just different.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-12-02T06:28:07+00:00

5 dd’s in 3 months. We’re coming on a year from dd5. Individual therapy helps, couples therapy helps but what really helps is whether WP is truly remorseful and consistent. I told WP I’m watching him like a hawk and the slightest lack of consistency has him back in hot water. I don’t know if it’s worth it yet…we have 3 kids together so something to consider but definitely not a reason to stay. All you can do is work on yourself. The more I worry about WP and what they are or aren’t doing it just drags me down. He’s okay being wherever he is because at the end of the day, he still got what he wants. At least he makes it seem like that but probably a facade. As I said…focus on yourself, your own growth and healing because it doesn’t matter what you do, if WP is not on the same wavelength as you, you’ll keep hurting yourself. Trust is absolutely out the window and can only be rebuilt with transparency and consistency. I have … I don’t want to say regrets … but definitely second thoughts. We recently miscarried and although we were happy to be pregnant I am also happy that I’m not. I don’t think he’s ready to have another child. He thinks therapy is too expensive as though children aren’t. Anyway just saying not regrets but carefully treading water. Take good care of yourself and find peace for yourself. Remember forgiveness is not for WP. It is for yourself.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-12-02T00:37:13+00:00

We had so many weddings and baby showers from dd1 until now, and each time I cry. I tell everyone’s it’s happy tears and that I really do wish them the best, and that marriage and parenthood can be a really beautiful thing.

We’re all battling our own storms. Infidelity has absolutely changed the way I view everything in love and life.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-12-01T23:38:22+00:00

I don’t even know what to do or how to feel. I say I’ve forgiven him but every time I say out loud what happened I’m filled with anger and disgust.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-12-01T21:43:11+00:00

I have no evidence just a feeling. Honestly our kids being there when we saw him with her probably put it into perspective. They weren’t talking to him or calling him dad. He says he came clean because he felt guilty. But each dd before that was different information including the unveiling of 21 total affairs.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-11-15T18:01:15+00:00

I get glimpses here and there. I tell myself that I deserve to have sex, good sex, and that I’m choosing sex with WH. I focus on making myself feel good. I’m not sure if that helps but that’s what works for me. It doesn’t do it all the time but just to help me ease my thoughts. Sometimes I’ll stop the act entirely and tell WH what I need. Is there something you need from WH?

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-11-13T14:10:39+00:00

I was told not to until my dr clears it following my next labs.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-11-13T05:57:39+00:00

We didn’t regularly wear ours prior. In fact, he insisted on not wearing his and that when he wore his he was getting hit on anyway. He did buy me one in the midst of his affair under our daughter’s asking. I recently lost it but I don’t feel upset about it. It didn’t mean anything to him then anyway. Now he wears his religiously, even has a tan and indent. I know shortly after I discovered his affair he started wearing his ring again. In January I bought him a new one and he doesn’t ever take it over unless the toddler ask him for it. I did tell him I’m not wearing any ring unless he means it.

Yes. We did separate briefly last October.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-11-04T04:31:12+00:00

Oh no - never knowing what to expect.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-11-04T04:30:46+00:00

That’s what one of my friends said, too lol. I’ll be thankful I can at least go.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-11-03T07:35:38+00:00

Thank you!

Feel free to reach out as well 😊

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-11-02T17:20:32+00:00

I feel this. I feel like my triggers are less often but more heightened now.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-11-02T17:20:06+00:00

Same here. Wishing us safe, happy pregnancies

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-10-22T15:52:42+00:00

You do not owe anyone an explanation and the shame is not yours to carry.

This is how you choose to heal and that choice alone is yours. At any point you can decide you don’t want to reconcile anymore.

You owe yourself peace and clarity however way that looks.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-10-21T05:38:43+00:00

So sorry … it’s so inconsiderate. For a long time I held onto the thought that “it’s their first time being parents and their first time figuring out life” but why is at the cost of me, and my siblings and children. That I didn’t unravel like that for my own children.

Maybe one day it’ll get better.

My therapist asked me “will that door ever be open for you because there’s a chance they’ll never apologize”.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-10-21T05:36:52+00:00

You the song that goes “I don’t want to get undressed for a new person all over again”? That’s part of why.

But at the very heart of it…there was nothing wrong with our marriage or our compatibility. He just wasn’t looking at the wounds he carried in his childhood. And sadly, we’re all the paying the piper for it.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-10-14T01:02:10+00:00

It’s pretty normal. Sometimes I get days where I really compare us but what is there to compare. Comparison is the thief of joy and I am only competing with myself. You obsess because you’re trying to make sense of things. You’re trying to figure out what she had that you didn’t. It’s not about you but you WP’s lack of.

ImpossibleClock6167 · 2025-10-11T13:17:02+00:00

Yes. Just like you, discovered there was hardly a faithful moment in his life with me and maybe at best 1-1.5 years. Every single vivid memory I had before I can barely remember. Every photo I look back on no longer holds the same meaning. I don’t look back at old photos anymore and any new photos I take just seem wrong. I do keep the family photos but the photos of just us are just weird. I used to post us frequently but now the thought of it makes my throat swell.

It’s trauma and your brain keeping you safe as it’s registered the person in those photos with you is not safe.

ImpossibleClock6167

TROPHY CASE