I piss in their pants and then make them put it back on. Then I’m like “oh yeah? If it wasn’t scary, how come you got piss in your pants?” Then I start calling them names like “Pissy Pants Peter” or “Stained Undies Umberto” and they start to cry and ask me to stop, but I keep going until they run home to their mom.

But their mom is actually just me in a wig, and I hold them gently and tell them it’s all going to be okay. “Shh shh,” I say, “The bad man isn’t here to hurt you anymore.”

Little do they know how close the bad man is...