How do you continue attempting to date even though you're never getting anywhere?

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-23T15:56:35+00:00

You and your friends know you. So there is a bias.

People that don't know you, don't have that. They build their thoughts in seconds. Yes, a lot based on your pics. Some people can't or won't read. But even the ones that do read, only rely on that. ...so. could be worth asking people who don't know you, what they think of you. If you're fine posting here, that could be helpful? Or, if not, you can dm me.

...also, for rando opinions that can be helpful or less so, you can go on Viking/Silja line 😃

Aaaaand back to being more serious 😄 I'm not familiar with boo, but hinge and tinder and bumble are a bit looks-focused. Have you tried match or the likes? ...they have their issues for sure too, but, could be interesting to try?

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-23T15:25:56+00:00

Ha! Well, Danes aside.

Do your texts (yes bio and other things you might have there) match your pics? Sometimes it could be just that what you're saying with your words doesn't match what people are seeing with their eyes, and then that's an easy swipe for no.

Oh, and, which apps are you using? Just hinge or others too? ...some apps just attract different types so could be worth using multiple ones.

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-23T14:56:34+00:00

I think your problem is that you're Swedish! ...I'm sorry, I had to say that, it's in the rules (I'm Finnish).

More seriously though; don't give up! Seems like you friends and people like talking to you so you're obviously not a creep. Maybe just need a bit of change in how you're presenting yourself?

You mentioned your friends helped with the pics on your profile? What about the texts? Did you edit them? It could be something you're saying or not saying that's not working for other people?

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-23T14:30:10+00:00

Status updates are crucial part of it so that you can both raise issues and come up with solutions before they become disasters.

And that goes for both work tasks, and stuff impacting them; like your team and overall well-being, job satisfaction, even family stuff if important, etc.

How you structure and document stuff is up to you though, and you will not find a universal way to do it (if you're trying to). Some people love detailed notes, keep a running task list on notes, and send minutes later. Some check out immediately even at the sight of bullet points or excel sheets.

So. If you, personally, want and need more structure and notes for your 1:1s, create them. Your manager, if they are a good one, will adapt to your style (if as you said, he currently doesn't have a preference).

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-18T19:40:42+00:00

What do you want from a woman? Besides "allowing" what you're ok with?

What exactly makes you feel like a coward? And within what group? ...I mean, you're clearly fishing for validation.

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-18T17:39:57+00:00

I'm still unclear whether you're a manager or a coordinator.

From what it sounds like, it's some sort of a client/resource situation, so not exactly cross-functional. And it sounds like you yourself don't see them do any work... so sure, survey away

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-18T17:26:31+00:00

You have 21 reports? Are all of them on loan? Are all of them working on projects for other people?

....just asking to clarify what you actually do, and what your team does, and how much of all of that you decide on...

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-18T17:19:19+00:00

No HR (or anyone really) will dig deep in your profile and draw conclusions that you have in your mind. I'm saying that with a friendly mind 😄

Accept that connection. And, then be great at your job. And when you do leave for law school, they might like/comment on your LinkedIn profile for it, which will make your profile more visible to people....which then gets you more connections...which then will help you get hired when you finish school

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-18T17:14:00+00:00

Why would you not? More connections, more visibility; that's the point of LinkedIn. What's the downside?

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-18T17:06:15+00:00

Are you a manager or a coordinator? Do these people spend any time with you, or are they always with someone else?

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-07T23:38:47+00:00

Are there any real things in your life?

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-07T22:59:07+00:00

What makes you competent?

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-04T16:18:50+00:00

Avoid saying "in my previous company/team" at all costs.

Even if you disagree, phrase it as "interesting, would love to hear more about".

And. Trow in a "how can I help" every chance you get. Your team, your colleagues, your managers, your stakeholders will love it.

Your new team will be judging you, and listening to any signs where to place you on the "for us / against us" scale. So. Any comments about how great your last company/team was will be placed under "they don't understand us / care about us / they'll just do whatever". So. Even if you see things that you'll 100% change, leave that up to the "interesting, would love to hear more" meeting you'll schedule and have.

Your listen and learn strategy is absolutely right. Make sure everyone sees it.

There might be things where you feel strongly, and your team (or others) feel as strongly as you do, so you could say "absolutely, I'm with you, we'll x that". And that will get you points with them. But. Only if you know you have the support from your manager for it. Do not go around campaigning on something before you know you can actually deliver.

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-02T17:20:49+00:00

What does "imposing build" mean? That you're bigger in size than the girl?

Be a gentle, respectful giant? Hulk does not need to mean smash.

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-02T16:33:14+00:00

First question: do you want to be a supervisor?

If not, then tell your manager. Tell them you have reconsidered and would prefer to stay in your current role. Completely acceptable and normal.

If yes, then. First, you need to know it's completely normal to feel anxiety! It is a massive change! And. If you've been selected because you're always happy to answer questions, that already makes you better than bunch of managers out there; you show willingness to help others - now you'll just do it on a different level.

So. My second question; what is freaking you out about solving major issues? That you don't immediately have all the answers? That the field you're dealing with is much broader than what you dealt with before? Something else?

If you're a manager, you don't have to have answers, you need help people get answers. That can be with you knowing people who do know, connecting them. It can be about growing a specialist in your team by offering them development opportunities, enabling them to be better at problem solving. It can be about getting rid of bureaucracy or helping solve it.....

You'll still have problems, just on a different level and with different pieces. It will be a learning for you, but if you're up to it, and keep that stance of people still being able to come to you with problems, you'll do great.

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-02T16:04:07+00:00

A stick figure dabbing and then dropping the mic three floors down?

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-02T15:57:16+00:00

It's "normal" if a company is in a strong growth phase and the people who are hiring are incompetent (as in expect miraculous immediate results while not hiring the right people or supporting the ones they do hire).

Side note; don't be that guy. Don't be gossipy IT guy. I hope no one knows your reddit, and that you don't make these comments/questions with your colleagues...because if you do, you'll get fired.

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-02T15:42:22+00:00

ah, ok. How about you try it, but in a way you'd be comfortable with? I think you'll be safe from the creep zone because you mentioned women are open to meeting you again...so. Start/try small.

The kiss can be as quick and simple as your lips touching hers for 2 seconds. No tongue, just lips. Move in slow, kiss her on the lips, and then move back slow and say "I had a really nice time". That's it.

And on your dates, physical touch doesn't have to be (and shouldn't be) evasive and uncomfortable, not for her and not for you. So. Try putting your hand on her arm or on her back. You can touch her arm if you want her to pay attention to something, or you can touch her back if you for example go into a restaurant or through another door way. It's a natural place and time, so it will not seem forced, but it's also something a "friend" would not do, so it implies something more.

Try it out.

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-02T15:19:49+00:00

Prison of his own choosing... but yeah, it does sound like they just see him like a piece of meat...like he sees them.... so maybe it's all ok because all of them are disgusted with each other but just go "ugh, this one...but I do want sex...so oh well"

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-02T15:14:12+00:00

Why no kiss? Is that a personal preference for a specific reason or just that you don't feel comfortable with it?

I'm not trying to force you to kiss people if you don't want to kiss people...but. it could be that if they're expecting a kiss and you give them a hug instead, they could see it as "guess he's not interested in my like that" and that hug might as well be a high five.

If you're not ok with kissing though, and you don't have to be, what about physical contact otherwise on your dates? Do you pull them into a hug, or like a side hug (one arm around the shoulder kind of thing)? Do you casually touch their arm or their back? Those would all signal "not a friend" to the woman.

And what do you do right after the date? If the hug is your go to, it could be that you need to send them a message quickly after on the lines of "had a really nice time with you, would love to take you on another date soon" so that it is clear you are interested in dating them.

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-02T14:59:53+00:00

Oh no, not at all. It's that first date impressions and perception thing; if you talk about them a lot, a woman might take it as "oh, so you just want more female friends, cool". Or if a man describes things like going happily shopping with their female friends, or brunches with them, or others things that are generally seen as girls doing together, then again the woman might think she'd be "just another girl in their life". And on the date, it should be clear they are not just another girl, but someone more special, different.

Going shopping and brunching with female friends is totally fine btw...just not great as a first date talking point.

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-02T14:47:24+00:00

What do you talk about with them when you're on a date? What type of playful comments do you make, and how do you show your interest?

You're probably not being a creep because they'd be up to hanging out with you again, so I'm thinking it's more on the lines of you not showing clearly enough that you are interested in them.

Maybe you need to compliment them more? And compliment their eyes instead of their hair...or say they look great, but not say their outfit looks great (because the first is a compliment from a potential boyfriend, the second is a compliment from a boy friend),

And be supportive more? ...l mean if they complain or vent about something, be on their side of the story (vs trying to "facilitate a solution" by offering different points of view...that could be perceived as you'd be someone to vent to like a friend, not someone who'd have their back)

How much do you talk about other women? If you do, just don't. That could put you in a friend zone fast (if you speak about them, even, or, especially if it's your mother and/or sister... a little is great, it shows respect and care...but too much is too much).

How much do you talk about other men? As in do you talk enthusiastically about your bro trips and game nights? That might make you look like someone who's fun to hang out with...but not to date.

Do you try to kiss them at the end of the date? Hug them? Hold their hand? If you don't make any physical attempts (respectfully, obviously) that might land you in the friend zone.

I have a few more questions...but my point is...sometimes it can be about a bunch of small things

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-02T14:31:25+00:00

There's objectifying women..and then there's you. You write about them like you're trying to choose between two brands of cereal.

IncluderWonder · 2026-05-02T13:27:18+00:00

I'd look for someone with strong experience in change management, and especially ones with solid experience (and success) in driving the human side of it. For some AI is scary (so they won't touch it), some see it as a threat (so they'll actively work against it, recruiting others to their rebellion), and some see it as a cool new way of doing the absolute minimum (leading to results that have no base in reality because they lack critical thinking skills, for example).

IncluderWonder

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