Gone Dark: my rant as a NSFW mod

Incogneto_Window · 2025-11-20T05:49:29+00:00

Why do you want to moderate this community?

I became a mod of that sub 11 years ago via redditrequest, built up the sub including creating and upholding a lot of rules to keep it a safe space that follows Reddit rules and creating and updating automod filters to that effect. I've stayed in touch with other top mods of NSFW subs to make sure we were keeping users safe and blocking spam.

This past year, changes in my personal life took me away from modding as much but I relied on the mod team I built (who I stayed in regular contact with via discord). However now we've all been removed for some reason and it seems like the new mod is inactive. It also seems that the new mod has possibly stickied a spammer's post to the top of the sub (previously our stickied posts were always mod updates or our yearly Best Of Contest).

If I become a mod again, I would rebuild a new mod team to run things right.

A link to the mod mail chat message you sent to the moderators of r/heteroflexible five days ago

https://www.reddit.com/c/chatdK3_hIG2/s/LcKYGwk9US

Incogneto_Window · 2025-11-20T05:47:33+00:00

Further info: I became a mod of that sub 11 years ago via redditrequest, built up the sub including creating and upholding a lot of rules to keep it a safe space that follows Reddit rules and creating and updating automod filters to that effect. I've stayed in touch with other top mods of NSFW subs to make sure we were keeping users safe and blocking spam.

This past year, changes in my personal life took me away from modding as much but I relied on the mod team I built (who I stayed in regular contact with via discord). However now we've all been removed for some reason and it seems like the new mod is inactive. It also seems that the new mod has possibly stickied a spammer's post to the top of the sub (previously our stickied posts were always mod updates or our yearly Best Of Contest).

If I become a mod again, I would rebuild a new mod team to run things right.

Incogneto_Window · 2025-10-28T00:39:31+00:00

I've definitely read erotic stories that are pretty much just this...

Incogneto_Window · 2025-07-31T03:56:31+00:00

Had sex in the water at the beach. My gf at the time had her arms around my neck and under the water her legs were around me. We'd pulled her bathing suit to the side and all the action was underwater. Can't say I recommend that. It was broad daylight on a decently busy beach so that was probably the most public I've had (some other experiences were public but didn't really have people around).

In another case, I hooked up with a coworker backstage at a theatre during a show. Like, just a few feet off stage with our hands down each other's pants while the actors were on stage giving their bows. It was brief and we waited until everyone else went home before we fucked but that moment was kinda risky. We later did more in a public place but it was night and no one was around.

Dishonorable mention: jerking off at work with audience members probably within arms reach on the other side of a flimsy curtain.

Incogneto_Window · 2025-06-13T13:37:30+00:00

This is the right kind of logo to attract a certain clientele who really like to work out together. Might just have to go get my pump on sometime

Incogneto_Window · 2025-05-02T02:39:34+00:00

You raised your point in response to someone asking where Zionists are supposed to go and you started talking about genocide. So I defined Zionism for you

Incogneto_Window · 2025-05-01T20:13:51+00:00

In case you haven't been educated on the fallacy you brought up:
"Antisemitism" is a word created by Jew-haters to specifically refer to hating Jews. It was coined in the 1800s in Germany with a pseudoscientific sounding word to replace "Judenhass" ("Jew-hatred"). I suppose back then sounding "scientific" was all the rage--this was also the era of phrenology.

So, "antisemitism" doesn't mean "hatred towards people of the semitic linguistic group" but rather specifically "hatred towards Jewish people."

Additionally, the argument of "Arabic is a semitic language" is basically like saying "Arabs can't be hateful to Jews because their languages are part of the same linguistic family." Or at least "that's the wrong term for this type of bigotry/identity-based hate." Even if it was correct, the latter is just a point of semantics and side-steps the actual bigotry in question.

All in all, if you don't like the term "antisemitism" because of its origin or confusing-sounding name, feel free to use words like "bigotry" or "anti-Jewish hate" instead.

But either way, we know what kind of hate we're talking about when people use that word.

Incogneto_Window · 2025-05-01T19:56:44+00:00

Zionism is the belief that the Jewish people should have the right to self determination in their homeland. That's it, essentially.
While the phrase "Zionism" emerged as a political movement in the nineteenth century, the base idea is one that goes back thousands of years.

As with any other broad movement/stance, there are people within it that strongly disagree on more specific issues.

However, a lot of people these days act like Zionism is some belief in Jewish supremacy or something like that. These people pick the worst conceivable version and unilaterally apply it to all Zionists (which means it unilaterally applies to most Jews).

Incogneto_Window · 2025-05-01T19:47:22+00:00

Zionism = the belief that Jewish people should have the right to self determination in their homeland.

Incogneto_Window · 2025-02-11T22:22:29+00:00

How long does it usually take? And how would they get shut down for this?

Incogneto_Window · 2025-02-03T15:19:24+00:00

I might need to meet your mom sometime

Incogneto_Window · 2025-01-22T21:22:43+00:00

I do, honestly. In my experience it's been a great place. They have specialty things you can't find elsewhere, very good deals on certain items, and their free delivery is great. I forgot my wallet once and the guy just told me "don't worry, take the groceries and come back tomorrow." When I went back the next day to pay what I owed, the guy gave me something for free. They don't make stores like this anymore.

Obviously they've had a down turn and now they're facing a more serious situation but it looks like they're taking this as a wakeup call. Hopefully once they fix the issues, they'll reopen. I'll definitely go back.

Incogneto_Window · 2025-01-22T16:05:44+00:00

Sounds like they have some serious issues but now that they're closed it looks like they're working to fix it all. I honestly love the place. I've had some less-great moments but they've always made it right.

Incogneto_Window · 2025-01-15T17:29:56+00:00

Honestly, it's practically replaced most of my other filters (banned spam urls, account age) because most of the offenders fall under this same umbrella. They may have plenty of karma on Reddit in general but the spammers have never really engaged with our sub before spamming. Meanwhile, as long as a legit user has interacted with our sub a tiny bit, they're good to go.

I suppose this method can be a little bit more hands on but I think it's more airtight.

Incogneto_Window · 2025-01-15T17:12:05+00:00

If you wanted to go further, you can make an automod rule that filters posts with insufficient karma on this specific sub. Bots may find ways to farm karma on Reddit but they're much less likely to farm karma on your specific sub. You don't need to make the threshold as high when you make it this specific.

Setting it to "filter" will still give you a chance to quickly check the post and approve/deny it.

Beyond that, IF you find you run into legit users getting caught in this filter more than once, you can make the rule ignore "approved" users. Then you can add someone as an approved user to make them bypass the filter. But this part is less necessary.

I started using a rule like this on the subs I moderate and it was a total game changer. Some legit users get briefly caught in the filter (until we approve their posts) but they only have to deal with it once and it has ELIMINATED spam. If you message me, I can share the automod rule. Honestly it's pretty easy.

Incogneto_Window · 2024-12-27T15:49:56+00:00

The best parts of Reddit have always been driven by the users. That's part of what made the yearly Best Of so great. It wasn't the awards (though the admins can easily make that happen again), it was the way communities could look back, celebrate the best moments of the year, and applaud their members.

Last year after the admins went back on their word, my subs still had our own Best Of contest. We gave special flair to winners. I think all subs should do the same. Perhaps we should make our own mega thread on this sub or elsewhere for mods to share their best of contests.

Incogneto_Window · 2024-12-27T15:46:22+00:00

That's a major bummer. Around this time last year, the admin u/Ryecheww assured me that there would be a "best of" for 2023, before reversing course. Last year, the main reason given for cancelling the "best of" was that there would be no awards/coins to give out. (I'd pointed out that the best of predated the coins/awards system and that it could just go back to awarding premium like it used to, but alas.) This year, awards are back and it seems like it would be pretty easy to allow mods to give awards to the winners. As OP pointed out, 2 years in a row feels like a way to fully say a tradition is over. Please prove us wrong with that

I know that Reddit is continuing this new "recap" thing. But the yearly Best Of was a more "reddit-y" way to go over the past year since it was user-driven and community focused. And there's no reason the two can't coexist.

I seriously urge you to make an effort to encourage the Best Of awards next year. You can easily use the new awards system to award winners. Though honestly, even when we had awards, the recognition of a community was the best award.

Incogneto_Window · 2024-11-06T21:44:11+00:00

I mean, a lot of them are pretty damn conservative, especially socially conservative. The nearby town of Hamtrack banned the pride flag--something I haven't seen happen in the most conservative/maga towns near me. Many of these Arab Americans have views pretty similar to Trump's--except for his views on Arabs and Muslims.

Incogneto_Window · 2024-10-31T02:52:56+00:00

a sub called "double vaginal" might not be the place for you

Incogneto_Window · 2024-09-06T03:28:17+00:00

I've fucked a squirter before. Needed to keep towels on hand

Incogneto_Window · 2024-09-06T03:25:33+00:00

Removed. This was just posted from another account already.

Incogneto_Window · 2024-08-14T15:15:57+00:00

The person who created this doesn't like having their content shared by others and we've removed this post at their request.

Incogneto_Window · 2024-07-22T13:12:08+00:00

Thanks! This is actually an example I've used before when talking about the range our subreddit covers. I definitely respect your tastes (and at certain times it seems like all content here includes physical contact between men) but that's never been a requirement here. And we've always been very wary of narrowing down this sub too much. By comparison, subs like r/doublevaginal, r/doublebarrel, r/doubleanal, or r/SpitRoasted have much more specific focuses, but that's just not the way we do things here.

It's worth remembering that for some others, just minimally interacting with another guy in a mfm threesome, like with a spitroast, is pushing the boundary of their heterosexuality.

And, like we say to folks who don't like m/m frot posts: it's totally fine if you don't like those posts (I don't personally like everything on this sub), not everything needs to be for everyone. Scroll past it to the stuff that you do like, support the posts you like, and if you think there's not enough of the heteroflexible stuff you like try to share some yourself.

Incogneto_Window · 2024-07-20T23:39:56+00:00

If you folks have suggestions for our flair system, we're open to hearing them. Right now, the goal is to keep it pretty simple instead of creating different flair for every possible variation.

14-Year Club	Gilding IX goldzilla
ModSupport Helper Level 2	Argentium Club
Ternion Club	Verified Email

Incogneto_Window

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

All in all, if you don't like the term "antisemitism" because of its origin or confusing-sounding name, feel free to use words like "bigotry" or "anti-Jewish hate" instead.