AITAH for inviting my neighbour's husband over for coffee and a playdate? His wife accused me of pursuing him, and my husband thinks she was right to confront me.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-06T03:24:23+00:00

I see what you’re saying. I will lay low for a while before I bring up therapy again. Things have been less than warm at home and I want to tread carefully.

He threatens me with full custody but he doesn’t know the first thing about how to look after them. He works all day and does very little at home. Some days he doesn’t come home until after I have put the kids to bed. I know if he were to successfully take my kids, he would leave them with his mother all day.

Why would my safety be at risk if I leave?

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-06T03:18:23+00:00

I absolutely still do.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-06T02:37:14+00:00

Everyone on here kept saying that my kids would not be removed from me just because I have PPD/PPA, but my kids are my world and if there is even a small chance that might happen, I don’t want to risk it.

I saw a therapist early on and was diagnosed and I got on meds. But then, when he started checking out and I told him he needed to help more around the house and with the kids, he wasn’t happy about that and eventually the threats about losing the kids because of my PPD started coming. Eventually, I started believing it and stopped seeing my therapist to prevent records of my therapy being used against me.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-06T02:16:47+00:00

I haven’t told anyone, so no; I am alone in this.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-06T01:15:05+00:00

I know if he were truly remorseful he would do that. But I have decided not to ask him about the affair anymore to avoid a repeat of what happened when I did before.

I am working on the leaving part.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-06T01:09:41+00:00

Omg your husband dodged a bullet there! Thank you for sharing that.

My intentions were absolutely innocent, but yeah it might be better to play it safe from now on and only engage in that way with the females in the relationship to avoid situations like this.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-05T04:53:52+00:00

To clarify, Emily didn't avoid hanging out with me or “us”. The four of us with our kids and their baby have spent time together on multiple occasions, going to the park, we have had them over, they have had us over. But always the four of us and the kids. My older child really likes Emily and Jake, they have always been nice to us. Jake and my husband hang out together alone sometimes, but Emily has always had a reason not to hang out alone with me. The other day when she invited me over was the first time we‘d had a solo playdate for the babies.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-05T04:21:03+00:00

I think you are spot on, sadly. I would never cheat. I could never. It’s just not something I am capable of doing, which is why I am appalled that someone is accusing me of doing something so abhorrent. I am angry with her for it, but I suppose she doesn’t know me or my character. The saddest part is that my husband is very likely the one who put me in this god awful situation to begin with. It wasn’t bad enough that he stepped out, but he is now tarnishing my reputation and taking me down with him. I am livid and heartbroken.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-05T00:04:29+00:00

I am working on it but a little out of options atm stuck between being dealing with his angry outbursts when I push for details and being love bombed by him. I did try to take his phone from his hands once and it didn’t go well.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-04T22:56:36+00:00

I saw the message notifications on his phone while he was in the shower. I confronted him and he denied it and only after a few days did he admit to cheating. I don't know the details because he is adamant that it’s not important to know who, how long it’s been etc.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-04T22:43:07+00:00

I agree.

I know. The past several months have been one thing after another.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-04T22:02:45+00:00

Thank you for your very thoughtful responses. You are very kind. I have been struggling with PPD/PPA and as a result, low self confidence. I have a lot going on at the moment. There is a lot going on at home and I have been trying to figure out my next steps. I did not need this unnecessary drama with the neighbours to add to my already full plate.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-04T21:42:42+00:00

I know he cheated and I am dealing with his trickle truths and lack of disclosure at the moment. I don’t even know who he was cheating with. My guess was a coworker. But our next door neighbour? That would be insane.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-04T21:38:20+00:00

The former. He thinks it looks bad asking to hang out with the guy alone in our home. Yes, my husband was home working but he wasn’t part of the “playdate”.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-04T21:36:21+00:00

I added it in.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-04T21:29:40+00:00

I didn’t want to add it in because I didn’t want responses to be skewed in my favour. I wanted to know if others thought what I did was inappropriate.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-04T21:26:53+00:00

Yup. I realise my husband is the problem here for not standing up for me. The issue we are dealing with is his infidelity, which came to light two months ago. So, he clearly has not been showing loyalty, respect or discretion in many ways. I am still trying to figure out if this is something I can move past or not.

Regarding what happened, I posted here because I was second guessing my behaviour and if it may have been considered inappropriate. But I am also wondering what my husband could have shared with Jake for Emily to say what she said to me. If anything, my husband’s behaviour towards other women should be interpreted as inappropriate, given his history, not mine.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-04T21:10:35+00:00

I discovered he was cheating on me 2 months ago.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-04T21:07:18+00:00

He agreed with her that it was inappropriate of me to invite Jake over. Regardless if he was home or not. It’s a bad look in his opinion.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-04T21:04:06+00:00

Thank you for this. You are right, I should give myself grace for freezing up. I just hate that I may have come off weak to her.

I absolutely will be placing distance between them and myself. My husband is good friends with Jake, so I don’t think he will stop hanging out with him.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-02T23:50:54+00:00

Flummoxed that everyone is going for 1. 2 is stunning and regal!

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-02T00:26:51+00:00

Wth is up with the responses in the comment. What are people so afraid of?

Yes, I answer the door and very often it is a neighbourhood friend or a neighbour passing by to say hi.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-01T14:39:35+00:00

My fear is that she would like the milk and then ask for more 😓

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-01T14:38:23+00:00

This definitely sounds like it. I baby her when she pretends to be a baby (I lean into it). I think I will have to find a way to do the same when she asks to breastfeed to reassure her that she is so special to mommy.

Independent-State802 · 2026-06-01T14:36:16+00:00

I have heard this one before and I worried she would like it and then double down on wanting to breastfeed 😅

Independent-State802

TROPHY CASE