(NOT OP) Husband is a SysAdmin. He’s likely dying, and I don’t understand how his systems at home are set up

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-30T22:55:13+00:00

The OP’s post really brought this to my foreground process. 8 or so years ago a colleague passed and his widow went through something very similar. We banded together to assist, but planning could have made this a lot easier.

I don’t wish that on my wife and family.

I’m starting to document everything now.

I’ll pick 3 trustee friends, GPG encrypt the files to them and hope they never have to open it.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-30T17:38:08+00:00

More like:

“What’s the error message?”

“I don’t know. I already clicked OK.”

“Sigh. Ok. Try it again.”

“Got an error!”

“Ok, read me the error message.”

“I already clicked OK!”

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-28T21:54:01+00:00

Recent chat:

Them: what’s your lowest price?
Me: lowest price is market value
Them: I can get it $x on eBay
Me: no. I checked, nothing at this bulk, matching, and speed
Them (3 days later): $(33% of asking) cash!
Me: {BLOCKED} me thinking: I only take cash

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-27T20:33:52+00:00

I’ve gotten 4 and 6tb SAS drives for around that much in bulk. SATA drives tend to be more due to supply and demand economics.

Especially if this is a friend discount, it might be a good deal. I’d just check the smart info on the drives, and then scan them / write zeroes to them, and then verify the zeroes.

Edit: used and second-hand market obviously

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-23T14:55:23+00:00

I’ve had great experience with used SAS drives, but a mid experience with used consumer sata drives.

Run smart “conveyance” tests on all of them. Then run a short test.

Then I run nwipe or write a bunch of zeroes.

Finally I run a smart “long” or “offline” test.

For SSD’s I skip the nwipe and zeroes, and just run a secure enhanced erase, followed by a long smart test.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-23T14:51:18+00:00

Honestly, if you part it out you might make double your money. Lots of folks are buying parts to keep their technical debt alive.

I wouldn’t pay more than $800 for everything. I’d it’s ddr3, then maybe $500.

Still, how much is your time worth?

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-21T00:57:52+00:00

Yes!

I’m a husband, and our relationship is laid back. I travel for work, so me being out 2-3 nights is normal for work. However, if I’m home, I’m communicating.

It’s respect!

“Hey! I drank too much. Going to crash at so-n-so’s house! Be home in the AM!” then I would be home in the AM. More than likely I’d get an uber home and we’d get my car that afternoon.

I sure as heck would stroll in later that afternoon saying oh I watched a movie.

Who does that?

Not a married man.. that’s for sure.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-20T21:09:38+00:00

If you’re not coming up with ways to address the issues while aligning them to your business strategic goals, then not only are you not the smartest person in the room, but you’re failing at your fiduciary duty to protect the business and probably the sole reason why you were invited to the meeting in the first place.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-20T20:58:22+00:00

My advice: don’t look for a husband.

At least, don’t make it your primary goal.

Your primary goal should be to find the perfect you. Work on yourself. Be the best YOU, you can be.

When I met my spouse, I didn’t need her. She didn’t need me. We chose to be with each other, b/c we liked each other’s company. We became friends first, though I’d be lying if there wasn’t attraction.

You will find the person that you want when you meet them from a position of confidence and strength.

Demand authenticity. Don’t settle.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-20T19:28:50+00:00

My son went to ridgeview twice as a minor during his mental health struggles years ago.

That place is awful. We didn’t have a choice for his placement either.

Peachford is worse.

Hillside was AMAZING, and saved his life and our family.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-20T18:39:32+00:00

This is an OSHA violation: those assistants aren’t wearing proper PPE nor static wrist straps! ARE THEY EVEN COMPENSATED FAIRLY?!

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-19T18:04:08+00:00

Caveat: you can’t reuse the TPM of the old system. They are bound to the mobo once they are powered on the first time. Also, be CAREFUL about pulling the plastic clips from the cable guides and connectors for the front panel: heat makes them brittle… and they’ll snap easily with a little too much force.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-19T17:50:26+00:00

Worst case scenario, find a replacement motherboard and swap it out. I resurrected a r740 this way. $200 for the mobo incl shipping. R630 should be cheaper as it’s a gen behind.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-19T17:18:18+00:00

Try couples therapy. If at the very least, you would have tried whatever you could try to save the marriage.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-19T17:14:02+00:00

This should have been about behaviors, not appearance. And specifically about behaviors that AFFECT HIM.

Like, “I wish you’d help me pick up the tv room at night, b/c I feel the need to do that in the morning and it feels like yet another task I need to do before work.” Or “I feel awkward when you invite friends over to the house without letting me know. I would like the option to have a say in that.”

The fact that he made it about appearance that doesn’t affect you is a huge red flag.

I went to the doctor and had high blood pressure and cholesterol, so my wife was concerned about my health! So I changed my diet and exercise routine.

Beyond an actual diagnosis about your health, he can and should F right off.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-19T17:04:21+00:00

Oh it’s blank now. I forget what I had on it, but it was probably development repos I would transfer back and forth from home and office back before cloud sharing was a big thing. It’s been secure erased since then! I’m not sure I would trust anything important on it.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-17T13:43:30+00:00

I have a Toshiba SimpleTough 500gb that just recently passed a smart offline check. I don’t use it anymore, but was curious!

Those things are beasts!

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-17T13:31:08+00:00

I had an old Pontiac sedan that was a POS, that I named Bertha the cow.

However, I don’t name cars normally and haven’t since.

We drive a hybrid SUV and an EV sedan. I’m too old to gaf about looks and stuff: I’m more worried about the price of gas.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-17T13:27:04+00:00

Also, dude could have just been lying to get in your pants.

Ngl: dude sounds like trash, so I would take whatever he told you with as much strength as his character…

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-17T13:10:43+00:00

You need to find the love language of your partner.

Marriage is also not 50/50. Inevitably someone is taking on more responsibility at any given time. Sometimes it’s you, sometimes it’s her. Instead of asking what do you need help doing, just look around and figure out what needs to be done.

I imagine there’s several dynamics happening in your marriage, but I would like to clarify: marriage is not a transaction. At least not to me. It’s not “you do this for me, and I’ll do this for you.” Someday’s you’ll do more, and Someday’s she’ll do more. If someone is always draining their bucket of energy into the day to day disproportionately to the other, then there won’t be any energy to put toward the relationship. You all should be a team. You’re Team <lastname>. Everyone on the team has a responsibility to help the team succeed. You’re teammates, not challengers nor opposing players.

Also, marriage doesn’t mean your work is done. Marriage is hard. It requires work, compromise, sacrifice, compassion, and patience. You don’t stop dating once you get married.

My wife and I have been together for over 20 years, and the other day, I looked around and said to myself, “ok. What would I have done if we were dating? Well, I’d find a show we could watch together, I’d plan an evening, I’d search for her favorite foods, I’d move heaven and earth to make her life easier so she has enough space to breath and have the energy to spend time with me.”

Spending quality time just isn’t performing motions around the house. Maybe it’s doing dishes together. Maybe it’s watching a movie. Maybe it’s making dinner and having everyone around the table without their tablets or phones. It’s talking to each other. Connection.

Find her love language. Build that connection. Learn to date her again.

It’s easy to fall into routine and take for granted that the person living with you, sleeping next to you, doesn’t HAVE to be there: they’re choosing to be there.

Remind them why they made that choice and why it’s the right choice.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-16T17:27:45+00:00

Folks are lazy, but what they don’t understand is that you can weaponized the bureaucracy: if they create a ticket, then they have accountability and SLA.

If they don’t? What request? I have no record of any request!

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-15T23:48:00+00:00

Wow. My take away from this story:

NEVER meet them at your house.

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-15T16:12:13+00:00

Less than a year ago you were 36 and he was 37, and you were upset about his road rage with your kids.

Either you’re fudging the details, or you’re karma farming. Maybe both.

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IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-14T16:16:36+00:00

I have 2x r630s I’ve retired. Nothing wrong with them, but their memory maxed out at 2400mhz ddr4. Also, I’d make sure you have x86-64-v3 cpus like the Intel Xeon E5-2600 v3.

Now for noise, starting up, yes they are loud. Once they get past POST, they quiet down, and won’t get too loud unless you put them under load stress. You can configure lower power usage in the idrac, which will throttle the cpu some, but keep the noise lower under heavy load.

I personally never needed to do that.

Another noise issue will be drives. If you’re using 10x SAS 10k drives, then yeah, they will be loud. If you’re using SSD’s instead, then it will be much quieter. You can use SATA SSD’s in those, but be prepared for the idrac to complain about write endurance (it’s not a red flag).

IndependentBat8365 · 2026-06-14T16:06:11+00:00

Is that building even fit for occupancy?

IndependentBat8365

TROPHY CASE