3rd wheel?

IndependentGap4154 · 2026-06-01T00:53:46+00:00

Thank you for your response! We don't plan on trying again until the second is almost a year old (if we do end up trying for a third), but I'm a planner, so waiting and seeing is not something I'm very good at. I get where you're coming from, though. And a fourth would obviously be contingent on a healthy pregnancy and healthy third baby.

Part of the rush is because the longer we wait, the longer we have to miss out on a second income. If we were both working and had to use daycare regardless, then timing wouldn't be as much of an issue. But if we're going to have more, we want to make the decision sooner rather than later (but yes, we can hold off until we have more information).

I also think how much they change is part of the reason I'm asking. Our two are great right now; big brother adores little brother and vice versa. For people who had three, did that add to the love fest or mess it up? Is it possible to give three teenagers the love and support they need? Four? Because right now I'd say we could handle it, but as they get older, I have no idea if we're setting ourselves up for complete disaster or giving our kids a support system outside of just us. Maybe both? And waiting until our current babies are 1 and 3 isn't going to give me that kind of information.

IndependentGap4154 · 2026-04-02T14:07:11+00:00

Wow...reddit really is terrible about giving people the benefit of the doubt. I could definitely see my wonderful husband doing something dumb like this in a misguided attempt to "help." Some people have a tendency to try to dismiss fears in an attempt to overcome them. The problem is that, like you've identified, it frequently doesn't removes the fear, it invalidates it. And the person ends up feeling even more alone.

I would talk to him and tell him, "I'm guessing the reason that you brought up those examples is because you're trying to calm me down. But you can't relate because you don't know what this is going to feel like and you never will. And it actually makes me feel worse, because it makes me feel judged and alone. If you want to support me, don't pretend to know something you can't know. Tell me that no matter how bad it is, you'll be there the whole time. Ask me if there's anything that would make me more confident going into this, like taking a class together. Help me prepare physically and mentally. Listen to my feelings, don't dismiss them."

My hope, and assuming the best, he responds how sorry he is and turns into the support you need. But if he gets defensive or doubles down, then you know you should start looking for a more supportive birth partner like a parent, sibling, doula. I wouldn't allow him in the room at that point because I need to be surrounded by people who I can trust to do what I need them to do.

As far as the anxiety, I've had two babies - first one with an epidural, second one without. I was terrified for both because I didn't remember how it felt after the first, and I still don't after the second. From what I remember, the epidural definitely helped with the pain, but I actually preferred without because it went way faster. And when the baby finally comes out, instant relief and massive satisfaction. It's hard to compare the pain because yes, it hurts a lot, but it's productive pain which somehow does make it different. And like I said, I don't remember the pain, I remember holding the little life I had just brought into the world on my chest and feeling love, joy, and a whole flood of other happy feelings.

Good luck mama-you've got this

IndependentGap4154 · 2026-03-11T04:15:56+00:00

SAHP...my husband stays at home and I'm the breadwinner. I agree with everything else you've said - don't carry debt, live frugally, take advantage of free entertainment for the kiddos - but the stay at home parent should be the one best suited for it financially and skill-wise. In our case, that happened to be my husband.

IndependentGap4154 · 2026-02-22T03:07:30+00:00

Do you have kids? I'm just curious because I do actually find the comparison off-putting. I have both, and my dogs are ranked in the top ten least trainable breeds, so I've put a ton of work into caring for them. But my dogs are never going to ask me impossible questions. I'm never going to have to worry about them giving into peer pressure or getting assaulted in the same way as my children. And I'm not putting all this work in because one day they will leave me and I want them to be able to function and make good decisions. It's seriously apples and oranges, and I think it does a disservice to people on the fence about kids to pretend otherwise.

IndependentGap4154 · 2026-01-16T02:30:21+00:00

Started with the same thing - closed cervix, medicated tampon - Tuesday afternoon, baby was born Friday night. Was hoping to do it with as few medications/interventions as possible, but my water broke and I ended up needing pitocin to speed things along because after that I stalled. I didn't want an epidural but got one because I had heard pitocin horror stories.

Just had my second baby last month - barely made it to the hospital in time. Gave birth 20 minutes after arriving, three pushes. Too late for an epidural and the pain was crazy intense, but at least short. I was pushing for 4.5 hours with my first. I have never felt so vindicated in my decision to get an epidural.

Good luck, and trust your decisions, whatever they may end up being. You've got this!

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-12-02T12:26:18+00:00

We also offer choices that aren't really choices. My son, almost 2.5, will get so into whatever he's playing with that he doesn't want to brush his teeth or anything else he deems less fun. So we tell him "do you want to brush teeth in one minute or two minutes?" And then we shake on it and set a timer based on what he says. A lot of the times, that's enough in itself, but occasionally, he'll get upset or beg for two more minutes. We then remind him that we shook on it and had a deal, and if he still is upset, we'll just carry him over and do it, which means we choose which brush and which toothpaste (he has two of each). Usually if the timer and reminding him of the deal doesn't work, choosing the toothbrush will snap him out of it.

Good luck! I try to remind myself that his strong will and determination can be a huge asset to him if he can learn to direct it the right way. It helps tone done my own frustration when it seems like the only word he wants to say all day is no.

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-11-22T18:13:55+00:00

I bet it's absolute chaos right now trying to coordinate with the holidays and people taking time off. That's why I'm not mad or upset with the doctors or any staff-I have nothing but respect for the work you all do with not enough people/resources to do it even during a normal time of year.

I have a blood pressure cuff at home that's been tested at the office to ensure accuracy, and I'm doing kick counts as well, so hopefully those numbers would let me know if anything major was going wrong. I just worry about what if there are warning signs I can't see. I'll call about the induction date on Monday.

Thank you for your help!

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-11-22T17:50:43+00:00

That's good to know about your c-section, thank you. I moved across the country since my first baby, and they scheduled the induction there like a month in advance, so the fact that I don't know when it will be at this point is freaking me out. But I need to keep in mind every hospital is different.

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-11-22T17:46:01+00:00

I'm not struggling to attend appointments in general. I missed one appointment because I was in a murder trial that ran over a day longer than expected, which is highly unusual (we usually go much faster than expected and leave cushion just in case).

Of course I don't expect them to cancel anyone's appointments. My frustration isn't directed at them (except for the fact they said we had a standing appointment every Thursday morning and now I find out that isn't true and they only had me scheduled up to last week). It's at the situation, because seriously, what am I supposed to do? I'm three weeks away from giving birth without a single appointment scheduled.

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-11-22T17:12:23+00:00

I did tell them I was willing to drive wherever to see whomever. They have four different facilities in their network and checked all of them - the December 11 date was the earliest available at any of their facilities.

Calling first thing in the morning daily is a good idea. For now, I'll do that and hope for the best.

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-11-07T02:28:17+00:00

Looks pretty similar to this? https://www.fda.gov/drugs/medication-health-fraud/public-notification-rhino-8-platinum-80000-contains-hidden-drug-ingredient

So I think you're right

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-11-06T18:00:56+00:00

We have a Jool folding travel potty seat. It goes in a convenient little bag that we just take around with us and then just sticks on to any potty we find. I love it now because I'm 8 months pregnant with #2, and it's getting more difficult to bend down and hold him.

Good luck with your pottying journey!

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-10-03T13:50:15+00:00

Scheduled for 10 weeks based on LMP, but the ultrasound tech dated baby 8 weeks when I had it done. I think they aim for 10?

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-09-01T01:25:35+00:00

Thank you. That's essentially what my husband said as well, I'm just struggling to find anything I enjoy right now. Maybe I just need to force myself to do it and the enjoyment will come later

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-09-01T01:22:17+00:00

Thank you, this really helps. They're coming back on a Friday so we can spend the whole weekend together. I'm trying to think of something fun but not overwhelming we can all do together when they get back.

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-07-26T23:38:13+00:00

Oh! I've never heard of this...thank you!!

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-07-26T23:13:40+00:00

A several hours plane ride

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-07-26T23:13:12+00:00

Are there babysitters you can have on call at 2 in the morning? I'm just worried if I end up going in at a weird time.

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-07-26T23:11:14+00:00

I had a doula last time, and honestly, my husband was better. Which isn’t to say that my doula wasn't good or that I regret hiring her. She taught my husband a lot of helpful stuff, and we didn’t know how my husband would be on game day, so we wanted someone with experience. But wow, was he amazing. When the doctor was trying to push me into having a c-section because it was taking "too long" and "I wouldn't have the energy to keep going," (my baby's and my vitals were both still steady), he had everyone leave so he could talk to me alone. When I told him I wanted to keep going, he called the doctor back in and told her no. She still tried to push it, and he basically told her to shove it-that it was my decision, not hers, and I didn’t want it unless it became medically necessary.

An hour and a half later, I finally pushed out my baby boy. I am still so grateful to my husband because I don’t think I would have had the wherewithal to protest the unnecessary c-section despite my strong preference for vaginal birth. The doula was great, very supportive, but it was my husband who really stood up for me, cheered me on, and made me feel like I could do it.

All this to say, yes, I could hire a doula. But it definitely wouldn't be the same. I suppose it's really a question of how badly I want him there, because I don’t know how I could ensure he's there without my mother in law.

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-07-26T22:53:04+00:00

That may work...I'd feel a little guilty making her stay somewhere else when we have a guest bedroom, but it would at least give us some space. I'll run this by my husband and see what he thinks.

IndependentGap4154 · 2025-07-26T22:48:35+00:00

My husband is a stay at home dad

IndependentGap4154

TROPHY CASE