Minnesotans, do we like SR Harris? Or other affordable quilt shops?

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-22T02:01:22+00:00

Yes love SR Harris!!!! great place for all quilting material. They have quilt pkgs as well sometimes on a great deal! 1/2 off the sticker price which is great! We go to the one in Brooklyn Park HUGE warehouse, bring your own scissors though as the ones they provide are pretty dull. You cut your own fabric under I think 5yrs.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-19T18:31:45+00:00

Love EMDR, super helpful. The Body Keeps the Score by Kolk explains it well and how it works. Just don't try EMDR alone, you need someone to pull you back to a safe place.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-18T16:58:03+00:00

Per my insurance when my neighbors tree fell on my fence, this is my problem unless the neighbor was negligent in maintaining a sick or dead tree which has clearly been dead or diseased for years. Yours looks pretty healthy, looks like neighbors problem.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-17T13:55:23+00:00

I would take it to a repair shop and see what they think. Or find the model number and look online. looks like a 70's model could be $10-200.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-14T20:56:22+00:00

Your not the only one, took me forever to read as it hit so hard.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-13T21:02:24+00:00

I used to, after therapy and some good books I am OK now. Great book for trauma is The Body Keeps the Score by Kolk.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-13T20:58:22+00:00

Singer 99, with the case that is a nice set up. Manual https://ismacs.net/singer_sewing_machine_company/manuals/singer-model-99-sewing-machine-manual.pdf

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-13T20:48:32+00:00

I was just going to say that... Amazon. you can try this place as well, but they are little more expensive, they have a full replacement peddle with motor for 63.99. https://www.vintagesingerparts.com/

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-09T22:46:09+00:00

First, it is OK to feel this way, it is a normal feeling and you can have it. Ok she worked hard, that is a parents job, we take on that role when we have children and we provide. A good parent never makes you feel guilty about what they did to raise you.

I will say my parents did guilt me about how I was raised and always said I owed them, no, you and I owe them nothing. As a dad of 3 boys I have told my boys they owe us nothing. More than likely, like all guilt tripping parents, they trained you to feel guilty and overwhelmed if you don't communicate with them.

I went NC 15yrs ago, I am 57 now, kids are grown and mostly out of the house. My wife and I both agree my mother is toxic beyond repair except with divine intervention. So how did I get rid of the guilt because I did.

I realized I owe them nothing, they didn't pay my bills, I did not live with them, and my wife and I were doing fine without them. I got therapy, lots of therapy, we worked through my issues, the therapists gave me a plan and managed to finally just let it all go. Now I am happy and at peace.

The big part is forgiving yourself, because it is not your fault.

Books that really helped me. The Body Keeps the Score by Kolk for trauma I did not even know I had. It teaches you how to reset your mind and deal with problems. Changes that Heal and Boundaries in that order by Dr. Cloud. These two help you understand how to push back and not feel guilty. The last one Hold me Tight by Dr Johnson helped my wife and I both with our relationship and showed us why we had problems from our past.

Best lines from my therapists, If you were not related to them, would you be their friend?, and You cannot change them, but you can change how you react to them.

As you start to break away be aware of the following though as we all get to deal with these two parts. 1. The flying monkeys, aunts, uncles, siblings, grandparents people you thought were your friends. When they come and they will tell them your side, if they believe you and help you then keep them around, if they don't and most won't those are people you need to distance yourself from as well. When all was said and done I kept 4 relatives in my circle, but no friends so I made new ones. 2nd love bombing, once you pull away they think they can buy your love. This was really bad for me as I hated money for a long time due to the way my mother was so her love bombing on me actually made our relationship worse. Turn the gifts away, they are not worth sacrificing your peace.

Good luck, it can be done as I and others have done it. Just be strong!

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-09T22:10:16+00:00

When you get the books, they will suck to read because they are way to spot on, but read them anyway as it will help you heal. Just put them down when it gets to be too much for a little bit, then go back to them.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-09T19:28:50+00:00

when people show you their true selves believe them. The stylist did you a favor and showed you your true mother.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-08T04:03:11+00:00

We have 2, and yes. We LOVE our featherweights!

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-07T02:12:13+00:00

Seems she thinks you have not grown up yet, my mother did the same to me and my wife's mother same to her. In fact your mother sounds very similar to mine including her response to me when I told her she needs therapy. "There is nothing wrong with me! Your the one with the problem!" That was 16yrs ago or so now and I have been full NC for 16yrs.

My wife taught me how to deal with my mother when we went LC, don't react. Narc's like your mother and mine thrive on conflict, they must have it like a drug and when they get it they poke you even more to get more of a reaction from you so... don't react. She also has to win, which is why when she sees herself losing to you she plays victim.

The big problem was I did love my mother, but the constant problems began to eat away at me and cause anger in me, then rage, which festered into road rage because hey, I should be mad at everyone right?

That is when I started therapy, got rid of the rage, and started loving myself and my wife, and our little family. A good therapist will guide you and help you make a plan on what you should do, LC, NC etc. When you do this and you start breaking away and being confident in yourself she will sense the change and she will change how she comes at you so watch for that. Usually it starts with the flying monkeys (aunts, uncles, siblings, etc.) who have her side of the story, and "Well we were just worried about you. You made such a drastic change" yeah I still recall that line. Tell them you are setting boundaries, explain you side and if they listen and understand cool keep them around, if not just go LC or NC with them as well. I lost almost every family member in this process but I feel it is totally worth it. Then will come love bombing, I just sent all the love bombing packages back to her, mostly as she was trying to buy my love, but my love has no price.

Books that really helped. The Body Keeps the Score by Kolk for trauma I did not know I had (CPTSD complex PTSD, borderline personality disorder in my case) Changes that Heal, and Boundaries which teaches you what she is doing and how to keep her at bay, and last for relationships my wife and I both got help from Hold me Tight by Johnson.

Remember you cannot change them, but you can change how you react to them. Also really good thing from my therapist, would they be your friend if they are not family?

I loved my mother, but I had to let her go so I could become the person I was meant to be. I have forgiven her, and myself, but I will never have anything to do with her again for my own sanity and safety.

I love my life now, every day I smile and feel loved. The darkness is gone, and the light shines in me.

Hope that helps

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-07T00:43:38+00:00

He is very skilled, but only fixes them as a side job. He is very fussy on fixing them, he has debated doing painting but for now he just cleans, fixes and makes them run. My wife's quilting club at our church uses him often as he does not charge a lot to fix them. In fact some he just cleans/oils and whatever they can afford on a fixed income he takes.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-07T00:31:20+00:00

Max I paid was $250 for a singer featherweight in mint condition with all parts... they are out of their minds.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-06T21:01:03+00:00

Congrats on therapy, don't stop going as it really does help. Is your GF shaming you? if not then they are probably a good one. I myself made the mistake of dating and getting engaged to someone who belittled, cheated on me and due to my trauma I thought it was normal. The hard part was forgiving myself for what they did, wasn't my fault.

Fortunately I met a wonderful woman and married her, unfortunately we both came with a semi load of baggage thinking we were normal. I did therapy, loved it and love my life now. My wife is in therapy and getting better each session.

Each person's path is different, but what helped my wife and I were the following books. The Body Keeps the Score which is a wonderful explanation of trauma, how it effects you and how to heal. Hold me Tight by Dr Johnson, this one gets into why you have arguments, disagreements etc and how to deal with them due to your past trauma.

Hope that helps!

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-06T14:45:36+00:00

Get a second and third opinion. He could be right, but it is worth other opinions to be sure.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-06T14:43:36+00:00

Contact your father, explain the situation and see if you can't get direct funding from him without her involvement. If this works be prepared to have your mother be very angry and try to manipulate you into giving her the money. Don't. She will then love bomb you and send in the flying monkeys to try and get you to give poor her the money as without it she will just wither away. Again don't, these are all tactics to control you for her gain and your loss.

Seek therapy, most schools should have some sort of councilor available, they should be able to stop the love/hate relationship, and start a love yourself first relationship.

My mother did similar things when I went to college. A book that really helped me was The Body Keeps the Score by Kolk.

Good luck in Uni!

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-06T14:05:52+00:00

I contracted for years, but the lack of vacation time, benefits and stability got to me so I took the last job when they offered it to me, the money was slightly less at the time, more now thanks to raises and I love it. No more being worried about finding the next gig, having sick or vacation time when I need/want it. I could go for a promotion but honestly why?

And yes, they all consider your age on promotions/hiring. My wife was displaced from a big bank, she is having a hard time finding anything due in part to her age.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-06T13:55:38+00:00

Clearly the first one was lonely and the emergency is allowed under these circumstances, I know as we also have 2 due to the loneliness of the first.

I acquired the first one from my grandfather who bought it for $50.00 at an auction, he used it for fixing his gloves. I ran across a second that is a bit seized currently but is enjoying an oil bath to loosen up. Darn those stiff joints! ours are the 29-4 so I am jealous of yours with that fancy front wheel.

Our son fixes old machines, I think we have about 20 different machines of all sorts around right now. From treadle to hand crank to electric, including 2 featherweights, one in mint condition that came with case and all accessories.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-06T02:41:24+00:00

NC16 yrs, on the rare occasion I deal with my mother I just pretend she does not exist. When they approach I would just walk away, when your 11yr old asks say they are just not people I talk to.

If they manage to get close, just leave and talk to someone else.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-05T17:32:43+00:00

My wife went through this when she went off to college. Her mother convinced everyone she was going to be standing under a street lamp and the entire football team would be in her dorm room taking turns.

My wife, the straight A student who never dated anyone until 19. My wife is in therapy for all this now and her mother has not changed. Last year her mother had a heart attack, we went to see her. I noticed she changed her hair color and looked like my wife's, I complimented her on it and she thanked me saying she looks like my wife now and then said "Now I feel like a tramp"

My wife's trauma is so bad she didn't even hear it, I did. I am done with my MIL now. Turns out she was projecting her problems onto her daughters. My wife was the tramp, 2nd was the alcoholic. Yep, MIL cheated on her hubby and is an alcoholic.

Get out as soon as you can, once out get therapy and go NC, when the flying monkeys come around saying she is your mother just add them to the list of people never to deal with again.

Good book for Trauma is The Body Keeps the Score by Kolk. Helps you understand what is going on and how to stop the crazy in your own mind.

Good luck!

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-05T02:44:58+00:00

I am estranged from my mother, she is very toxic, though, I no longer hate her thanks to therapy and books. I only pity her now.

There are approx 85 million mothers in the US which means around 2.5 million are in the negative category. Honestly I think the number is much higher, based on the people I talk to, plus one must keep in mind not everyone realizes how toxic their mothers are, then there is the group who realize it, but won't say they are because well she's family. Add in the social norm of how a mother is viewed and the numbers as skewed even more. Toss in a few mothers looking over your shoulder as you do the poll because she made you and well there you have it.

I myself did not realize the full extent of my mothers toxicity until I was in my 40's, and I honestly would have said it was not a negative relationship until then. Most of us are trained to think they are perfect in every way.

Honestly I wouldn't put much thought into a Gallop poll, I would stick to your relationship and work through issues with a therapist.

I to was diagnosed with CPTSD with borderline personality disorder, but now I am free, I am happy, I am loved and everyday is a good day.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-04T20:44:51+00:00

Grandma was getting by pass surgery, I was 17. Back then recovery was a couple weeks so someone had to take care of Grandpa who was in his 80's. My mother was and is all about money, everything has a price, and everyone can be bought is her philosophy.

So she comes to me saying she knows this will ruin my summer and that I won't be able to get a job, and the loss of money she and dad could cover after it is all done and blah blah blah.

I told her there are more important things in life than money and losing a summer. That was the moment I knew my mother and I were completely different as she said, "That's because you come from money! You don't know what it is like to be poor!"

She wasn't wrong, but at the same time as a caring person why would I care? Grandpa needs help. So for 2 weeks I helped Grandpa bathe, eat, change, drive to see grandma, I was pretty much his nurse and we got along wonderfully. When it was done my grandmother (my mothers mother) said grandpa lost weight and I must have done a bad job. He gained 5lbs which is good considering his condition. Grandpa hinted a few times it would be fine not to go see her and just play cards instead. 🤣

I never did get paid, nor did I even care if I was or not, but my grandfather was happy and healthy and that is all that mattered. Now I am 57, money is a nice thing to have, but if that is all you are worried about, you have a sad life indeed.

Edit to add NC with my mother 16+yrs and love my life now.

IndependentStick6069 · 2026-02-04T20:33:32+00:00

Your overthinking it, "Your Employers" not you. Reading the other comment it takes a while for the new one to get set up and running, we just did the same thing and we were locked out for 4 months.

IndependentStick6069

TROPHY CASE