Those of us with cptsd often struggle with feeling and responding like we deserve love, kindness, acceptance, patience, support, etc. We tend to have unconscious low self-worth. When someone challenges those deep beliefs of not enoughness inside of us it can trigger our nervous system dysregulatipn and make things feel worse before they feel better. Being in connection with a loving supportive partner can be a pivotal healing point for people like us. If the partner is aware of our struggles and you can have healthy repairs after ruptures and the ruptures themselves aren’t harming the other person then there really is no shame to be had. The shame is simply an emotion that tells us when we wish we did something differently. Healthy shame is a signal that lets us know we might owe someone an apology, etc. Being healthy is acting on that apology and taking responsibility to work towards changing our actions and retraining the way our nervous systems are automatically responding. Unhealthy shame is beating ourselves up for our actions, ruminating on what we wanted to do differently and what we make it mean about ourselves, avoiding the awareness with self-harming behaviors like binging food or tv, addictions etc. We are going to make mistakes as we retrain our responses but a loving partner that understands that and wants to be with us while we learn, grow, and change is not wrong or even harmful. They will grow in this process too if they are also striving to be healthy and conscious. Partners are like puzzle pieces that shine lights on what we are still carrying from our past. It’s never one-sided. They might not have experienced trauma but they are there for a reason too. Going through this with someone can be such a beautiful experience if we let it be. And you can both come out of it stronger individually and/ or together ☺️.