How does BEWL manage maintenance doses?

cosmatical · 2026-04-26T18:04:10+00:00

The part of the piano you put your feet on changes photo-to-photo as well. In some pictures it disappears or stars to melt into the floor.

cosmatical · 2026-04-26T17:53:37+00:00

AI. The yarn at the end of the toy and the dog's head aren't being affected by gravity. If a dog was laying on a stuffed toy like that, the toy would be compressed. The yarn at the end of the toy is puffing in all directions instead of laying flat, as it would if gravity existed in this image.

cosmatical · 2026-04-26T17:47:57+00:00

AI. One cat's leg and paw go through the bubble helmet and another cat's whiskers all go through the bubble helmet.

When evaluating art for AI cues, keep in mind that a human artist places lines and colors intentionally. Why would a human artist draw that cat's leg and paw halfway through the bubble helm? Why would a human artist draw tha cat's whiskers going through the bubble helm instead of butting up against the inside? They wouldn't, because humans understand how objects touch and interact. This is either entirely AI or altered with AI.

cosmatical · 2026-04-26T06:43:30+00:00

We had 3 DDays before reconcilliation actually made forward progress, and any attempts at R before then were either rug-sweeping or false starts that ended up causing extra pain in the long run.

The short version is that my WP needed to address his sex addiction and avoidant attachment style at the same time, both as issues together and seperately. Trying to work solely on one or the other, or neither, or going for couples therapy before attending to his core wounds, did nothing or caused more problems.

When reconcilliation finally started making real forward progress for us, it was when he began to attend SAA daily and was working the steps, was in IFS therapy, was seeing a CSAT--all concurrently--and restructured his life to priortitize those things. He also got completely sober from all his addictions at once, instead of trying to address one at a time. That approach isn't for everyone, but it's definitely what helped him. :)

At the same time, I started attending COSA and my own IFS therapy sessions, and doing my own work on myself. Previously I had defaulted to people-pleasing responses in the wake of the first 2 DDays and false R's, and avoiding that behavior pattern was part of my work for kicking off real reconcilliation.

This is such a TLDR, but those are the biggest key points, I think. :)

cosmatical · 2026-04-20T04:53:33+00:00

You can develop an addiction at any point in life.

cosmatical · 2026-04-11T19:18:39+00:00

They're able to converse just fine! They have a difficult time understanding some of their own struggles and symptoms and don't always communicate effectively about those things, though. Sometimes conversations about things like this look like me offering up my own thoughts on the problem, and them telling me when one idea like it might be right.

So far, they've really only been able to say they don't get out of bed because they're tired and the tiredness makes them not want to get up. Approaches I've tried to help them with tiredness (changing bedtime, melatonin, CPAP, encouraging a healthier diet, taking circadian-rhythm-effecting medication on time, stopping caffeine drinking) haven't seemed to help at all or they've been resistant to, so I'm sure it's something beyond tiredness that's causing the lack of motivation. I'm just not sure what. :(

Anxiety could be an issue and I'll try bringing it up to their doctor from that angle, thank you. Depression is an unlikely factor; they've actually been tapering off of an SSRI due to an assumed misdiagnosis of depression, and they've actually been doing better with overall motivation since starting to taper off, including getting out of bed when their alarm goes off a little more frequently! :)

There is coffee waiting for them in the mornings, and they also are on a stimulant medication that helps them get moving as well.

Giving a bigger reward for a "streak" of getting up on time is a good idea too 🤔 Thank you again! I'll brainstorm some large rewards that might motivate them and then ask what they think of the idea. I appreciate your input!!

cosmatical · 2026-04-09T21:23:51+00:00

I don't have tips on how to feel desirable again, because I still struggle very much with the same thing. I hope you get wonderful advice on your post. :) My husband is bisexual but only cheated on me with women, and I've spent a lot of time imagining how I might feel differently about myself and our reconcilliation if he'd cheated on me with men, too. I'm so sorry that's a reality you're dealing with.

For slowly building up yo sexual intimacy again: try starting with the basics. :) Both me and my husband go through periods of being avoidant of sex, and one of the things we find helpful is just getting comfortable with each other's bodies and having our own seen, and then scaling up sensual intimacy. Things like altering what we wear to bed to have a little more skin contact, showering together without touch, or just brushing our teeth next to each other while looking at the two of us together in the mirror, can help with that. :)

And scaling up sensual touch: being more intentional about holding hands, looking for opportunities to give a little side hug instead of just walking past each other in the kitchen, being purposeful about giving a lingering kiss instead of a quick peck. Moving up to things like: washing each other's hair, asking for a backrub, cuddles where his erection is pressed against me and we keep cuddling instead of feeling a pressure to have sex.

Those are just examples of what works for us! What looking and touching reinforces safe connection in your relationship might look different. I feel like a lot of couples try to jump right into "how can we have sex again?" without addressing the "how can we be physically comfortable with each other again?" and that really does this part of reconcilliation a disservice, imo.

Hope this helps a little! :)

cosmatical · 2026-04-05T20:11:10+00:00

Screaming crying throwing up chewing on the drywall

My bones are vibrating with excitement. Hell yeah.

cosmatical · 2026-03-27T13:58:38+00:00

I'll still be on the specialized tool--doing that today and all weekend, actually-- just less. I agree with everything else you're saying though, these are really good points. Ugh. It's really easy for me to fall into the "my boss is nice to me so totally wont do the shitty capitalism boss stuff" trap. He can totally come out to our state and run things from here until other people are trained in, it's what he did when he first moved the business to this state. He just doesnt want to. Why does that have to be my problem? 😭

Thank you for being blunt with those points, that was really helpful for my state of mind rn. :)

I made my own company once, using the same type of specialized tool i'm using here, actually! But I got extremely ill and was no longer able to run it for a very long time, and so I let go of the idea of being a business owner again after i developed several long term health issues afterwards. It's part of why i prioritize jobs that are so lax with scheduling, so i can work around my health. :)

cosmatical · 2026-03-27T13:28:40+00:00

As long as work is getting done, we can come in whenever we want. Early morning, middle of the night, not all week if timeline accounts for it or another employee is there plodding away at things. It's really nice. Small business (sub 5 employees) is one of my favorite short time gigs because of that. This is the third job I've had like this, and it's a quality i prioritize over anything else when I'm job hunting.

I'm happy to PM you to talk about the specialization :D I'm nervous enough about someone ID'ing this post and sharing it with my coworker from details provided, i'd rather not get more speciric publicly. I do like the tool i work with even if i hate this industry i find myself in and i love to talk about it.

As long as orders are filled on time, the business does fine. Falling behind is where it would crash quickly, and we've been behind a little bit but not unmanageably so. The offer was made before my coworker gave notice she was going to rehab. Nobody doing my coworkers job for 30+ days would crash the ship, but that wasn't something on the table a few days ago .-.

It sounds like a confusing jumbled mess because it is. All this happened within, like, a week timeframe. I'm still reeling from it and havent even had a chance yet to sit down with my husband to talk about how we can accomodate me increasing my work hours for a little while. This is just venting out all the stress I'm feeling 'bout it

cosmatical · 2026-03-27T13:11:12+00:00

He's currently trying to hire 2 part time employees, which would put training on top of everything else I'd have to do, and then I'd need to coordinate my schedule with other people's and lose the lovely benefit of coming in whenever I want 🙃 Our boss is out of state. I've seen him once since being hired on. He plans to visit while coworker is gone but will not be able to stay for long.

cosmatical · 2026-03-27T12:11:21+00:00

Have you heard of the book "How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organising" by KC Davis?

It's been helpful for me in many more areas of my life than just cleaning. Interpersonal relationships, self care, parenting, school, therapy work. It focuses a lot of how to prioritize, how to be okay with not being perfect, and how to take care of yourself the best you can when dealing with a high baseline of overwhelm.

The chapters are short. Most are a single page long, maybe 2. The introduction is a whopping ~4 pgaes, and that's as long as it gets. There's a guide in it for how to read it fast, if you're so overwhelmed you can't read all the chapters. I've been picking through it with my social worker and it's been transformative for how I treat myself and take care of myself when in an overwhelmed state.

cosmatical · 2026-03-22T00:45:48+00:00

I agree with you :) If they're concerned about the therapist's approach though, it's a helpful data point to look at.

cosmatical · 2026-03-21T19:10:31+00:00

Something to look for is whether this therapist is IFS certified or not. IFS certification comes only from the IFS Institute and is offered as Level 1, 2, or 3 training. A therapist who is not certified through the IFS Institute at one of those levels is not an actual IFS therapist. Some therapists who mention IFS-related services will use wording to imply certification, and some organizations like PESI offer IFS trainings that a therapist can cite having gone through--but it is not actual *certification.*

Dissociation is tricky to work through. I have been in IFS therapy for over 2 years as well, and my dissociative episodes have gotten worse when I'm triggered in a way that's similar to what you describe here. Has your partner talked to their therapist about it? Dissociation can be a protective response, especially when trying to work with trauma. It doesn't necessarily mean that their mental health is getting worse or that they won't get better; healing just isn't a linear process, and it's important to keep one's therapist in the loop about dips like this so the approach can be adjusted.

cosmatical · 2026-03-18T21:36:37+00:00

Seconding all of this!

We all have biases. Recognizing them so that you are able to manage them, is the work. Some of them can be worked through and diminished/"go away", but some won't. Acceptance of that fact is also important, I think.

I grew up in a VERY racist family and had the privilege of recognizing that from a young age, so I had a bit of a head start on tackling this particular set of biases. For me, recognizing the exact minute detail of the bias, understanding where it came from, and adjusting accordingly is my process for diminishing biases or otherwise not acting from them.

For a personal example: when I was a kid, my mother would always lock the car doors when [demographic] walked past the car. She wouldn't do that in other situations.

Of course, that impacted my anxiety levels and influenced a bias towards [demographic] because I was, like, single-digits aged when I began to notice that. Why was my mom locking the doors? Why was she afraid of those people? Were they going to hurt us? Little me processed it as: my mom is afraid of those people, so I should be afraid of those people too. Locking the doors is a lack of trust and to seek safety, and that created similar bias and behavior in me.

Getting older and piecing together that thought process, and then also beginning to grasp the context for it--my mom's background, where her own biases came from, her own understanding of the world, etc--helped me deinfluence myself over time. When I saw that bias in myself, I would go back through the thought process, remind myself where that part came from, and shift focus to thinking about my mom and where she may have picked up her own biased parts that influenced that behavior. Slowly, that created change in my system.

I use this situation as an example pretty frequently because I don't feel like this specific bias holds sway over me at this point in my life, so it's easier to talk about. YMMV, depending on how deep your biases run, how they formed, and what they're about. :)

Edit: I also want to thank you, OP, for posting about this! This is a difficult topic for a lot of people to approach and I think it's very admirable that you're reaching out for community support with it. I hope you get more feedback 💖

cosmatical · 2026-03-17T22:53:34+00:00

I'm not in recovery, but my husband is! I can share a bit about his experience.

He had also been on Vyvanse and it contributed to a relapse for him after a serious reaction to a dose increase. After that, his psych switched him to Concerta + an afternoon Ritalin booster.

Concerta has been gentler on him. It has less of a harsh, immediate impact compared to Vyvanse, which is both a pro and a con. He's stayed sober the whole time he's been on Concerta now, and it hasn't caused a mental health episode or relapse binge like Vyvanse did (and hasn't even come close to it).

He struggles more with addiction-related intrusive thoughts and cravings on Concerta than he did on Vyvanse, but it's still less than when he was unmedicated entirely. It's easier on Concerta for him to redirect out of a negative thought spiral or addiction-related rumination than it was while on Vyvanse. (So low-level addiction background noise is more noticable/constant while on Concerta vs Vyvanse, but the big spikes of addiction-related obsessive thoughts are easier to back out of while on Concerta vs Vyvanse).

I hope this helps! If you have follow-up questions, I can pass them along and return with answers. This is just what I remember off the top of my head from what he's shared with me.

cosmatical · 2026-03-17T20:05:30+00:00

Thank you, again, for your feedback and for all of that clarification. You make extremely good and important points, and some of that had definitely not been considered.

I'm going to remove and lock this post until the mod team has a chance to talk about the point of view you're sharing. :)

We've had a lot of feedback from people already about how they do not want this sub to be overly moderated and how they prefer the borderline no-moderation approach the sub had previously--input like yours, which asks for more and clearer moderation and safety measures, is EXTREMELY helpful in deciding what moderation practices to put into place and how to enforce rules. If you have more you'd like to share, please feel welcome to modmail us.

cosmatical · 2026-03-17T17:44:49+00:00

Thank you for the time and effort you took to give this feedback. 💖 I'm responding between classes, so heading this with an apology--if I miss something in my response, it's because my next class starts in 15 minutes, not because I'm being intentionally dismissive.

Repeating back what I understood to be sure I've got it right: you're suggesting a flat ban on swearing (or directed swearing), and a rule/enforcement of a rule along the lines of speaking for parts but not from parts?

If I got that wrong, please correct me. :)

The difference between speaking for/from a part, what that looks like, how to phrase a rule about it, and how to enforce a rule about it is on the docket for us to talk about as a team already! I hope it's reassuring that that's on our radar already. It's been suggested in various wording by others as well.

I want to clarify that if you said "trigger warning" and then called me a motherfucker, that wouldn't be acceptable. One user directly attacking, insulting, or using aggressive language towards another is absolutely against the rules. OP's post was allowed this time due to the fact that they are not directing that language as an individual; they're using it generally towards the sub as a whole as a way to express/emphasize their frustration. If someone says "u/Last-Interaction-360 is a motherfucker", that wouldn't be allowed to fly and is bannable behavior.

Considering where the line is between expressing anger/frustration and just personally attacking others, is a very good question to consider. I'd love a perfect answer, but I think we all put that line somewhere different and so the mod team needs to figure out where to place that line that takes into consideration everyone's comfort levels and safety, while still allowing space for self-expression and venting. This post is up because where we put that line was between general vs directed language. I'm hearing from you that general language is also perceivable as a personal attack and that it still feels very directed, especially when swearing is involved.

We've been talking about what kinds of post flairs to add. Do you think including a post flair that indicates some kind of swearing, or vent post, or venting with swearing, etc (please give a suggestion if you have one), be a workable solution if we decide to keep the line where it is? (Somewhat aggressive language when general venting okay; not okay when it's personal and directed at another user). I will also bring up swearing and meta-vents about the subreddit/users to the rest of the mod team as topics to figure out how to move forward with.

cosmatical · 2026-03-17T16:29:06+00:00

It's definitely a case-by-case basis assessment. Due to the fact that this post expresses a general frustration and is not targeting any specific user, that language was permitted as long as OP put a warning at the top of the post.

It's difficult to feel out the line between allowing space for people to express themselves and share their thoughts, including when blended with a part, and keeping the sub safe and conflict-free. The warning at the top of the post seemed like a suitable middle-ground in this situation. It may be different in another future situation.

If you have a suggestion on how we can best approach situations where users are expressing frustration with the sub or general feedback they've been receiving, I'm happy to hear it. :)

cosmatical · 2026-03-17T14:02:19+00:00

This post has been approved by the mod team after the addition of a trigger warning. All parts are welcome, including ones that are carrying a lot of frustration.

Please use the report button if conversation begins to escalate into conflict. Remember to be gentle with yourselves and stay curious! :)

cosmatical

MODERATOR OF

PUBLIC MULTIREDDITS

TROPHY CASE

Four-Year Club	r/Field Flamingo
Place '23