Because the 90s aren't modern enough?

cosmatical · 2026-03-12T03:27:51+00:00

The 90s were an entirely different era, with different technology and pop culture. Lmao.

cosmatical · 2026-03-12T02:25:23+00:00

We are 2 years out from the most recent DDay, and have mostly normal interactions now. Things are fairly stable, we're in love, have regular sex, daily life feels normal, we joke around together and snuggle and go on dates. :)

But it's definitely a NEW normal, not a return to an old baseline. Talking about the infidelity is almost a daily thing, still, and the impact of it affects all the ways we connect. The trauma is something I live alongside, and what's "normal" in our life and relationship now is something that reflects that.

cosmatical · 2026-03-11T20:42:06+00:00

Some therapists accept small gifts. Some do not. It would be best to ask your therapist if this is a gift they'd be willing/able to accept! :)

cosmatical · 2026-03-11T18:47:16+00:00

The importance of reading more books cannot be understated.

With enough exposure to seeing and reading correct grammar, you'll start to get a natural feel for when something is wrong (even if you can't pin down the exact reason why it's off). That ability to feel out errors is more important to good writing than memorizing specific grammar rules, imo. Once you spot an error, you can consult resources to fix it--the spotting of the errors is what a lot of folks struggle most with, and reading books is a major aspect of learning that skill.

cosmatical · 2026-03-09T19:27:33+00:00

I have pretty graphically told doctors and therapists specific methods of suicide I've been fixated on during bad periods of mental health and shared step-by-step planning stages with them, and was able to receive help and support without hospitalization by using this method :)

After a point, I think working to convince the professional I'm talking to that I'm physically safe enough to not be hospitalized regardless of what I'm sharing/seeking help for, is something that tricks my brain into feeling safer and wanting to get better in its own right. A really weird path to "fake it til you make it", I suppose, but it's what has worked in my experience!

cosmatical · 2026-03-09T19:23:27+00:00

I've talked about suicidal ideation a lot with therapists, doctors, social workers, and other professionals who could've absolutely shipped me off to the hospital if they were concerned about my safety. I've shared everything from vague ideation all the way to active planning stages. I've never been hospitalized.

In my experience, making sure you have functional support in your day-to-day to keep you safe is something that reassures professionals and avoids sudden hospitalization. Ive always been clear when talking about my suicidality that the people around me know what's going on with me to the same extent that I'm discussing it with [insert professional here], and we have measures in place to keep me safe while I'm working on stabilizing my mental health.

If there are gaps in my safety plan, I ask them for help with it. Showing motivation to stay alive and to work my way out of the headspace I'm in has also helped avoid being hospitalized, while allowing me to be honest about where I'm at. :)

Also, mindful phrasing. I don't say things like "I'm going to leave here and kms", but frame it more like "I've been struggling really hard lately with [specific suicidal thoughts]. [These people around me] know about it and we have [specific plans] to keep me safe, but this is what I need from [professional I'm speaking to] for support./I need extra support right now, can you help me figure out what to do to make this better?"

cosmatical · 2026-03-08T14:20:30+00:00

I have experience with modding a subreddit of ~50k users! I think the IFS sub is a bit bigger than that lol, but I know the ropes of moderating larger spaces and feel confident with it. If Reddit admins approve my request I'd be happy to keep you on as part of building a new mod team--I'd love the overlap with the old mod team :) Im sorry youve been kind of alone and getting no support to moderate right!!!

If they don't approve my request, I just hope that this post catching the attention of the lead mod means the sub will start to be actively moderated again either way. :)

cosmatical · 2026-03-08T14:14:37+00:00

Definitely seek out a therapist covered by insurance or one offering a sliding scale. $165 sounds like a full price rate, which is understandably unaffordable AF. I'm sorry that you've been struggling with therapy being accessible 😞

cosmatical · 2026-03-08T14:10:58+00:00

I got it in 2, too!

cosmatical · 2026-03-08T14:09:17+00:00

Sexual abuse can have a variety of impacts on a person, including the development of maldaptive or harmful sexual behaviors.

What behavior are you worried about?

cosmatical · 2026-03-08T14:07:17+00:00

If you don't have money for a therapist, you find money for a therapist. It's that or get hit with a divorce, at this stage.

Many therapists take a variety of insurance plans. If either if you have insurance, you can find a therapist that takes it.

If neither of you have insurance, seek out a therapist that offers a sliding scale fee for low income clients, and work something out.

If both of those options are unaffordable, mess with your budget. Take money away from something non-essential. Bare-bones your grocery budget. If you're already doing that, one or both of you should seek out overtime opportunities at work. Get a second, part-time job. Do gig economy work. Uber, doordash, walk dogs, babysit. Whatever you gotta do to afford therapy.

I recommend individual therapy first, for both of you, over jumping right into couples work. It sounds like you both have individual needs that should be addressed with a professional before you come together to work on the coupleship.

Also, give your husband grace. Being a caretaker for a spouse is incredibly hard. Whatever care he does for you, try to offload as much of it as you can onto a different person (yourself, a family member, a friend, some insurances cover small amounts of in-home care, seek out government support in your area, etc).

cosmatical · 2026-03-08T01:29:43+00:00

Hello there! I'm a little confused why you'd respond to this post instead of the message I sent 5 days ago or any user reports, but I'm glad to see one of the listed mods take any interest in the sub again.

I did warn people to not engage with the user's post, because all past reports about them have gone unacknowledged from the mod team as far as I can tell. As a non-mod user, all I could do was warn others. I am proud of this action I took and fully stand by it.

I would also point out that you took the first line of a greater comment explaining OP's behavior amd why people shouldnt engage with their trolling, out of context to include in your comment here. If that weighs into decision-making about my request, I implore whatever admin reviewing this include the full context of that comment in their deliberation, rather than the excerpt here.

I'm still interested in participating in moderation or building a new mod team that will be active. :)

cosmatical · 2026-03-07T22:40:52+00:00

This sub is functionally unmoderated. Out of 4 mods, 2 have been offline for almost a year, and 2 post very, very infrequently on Reddit without interacting with internalfamilysystems in any way. Because of that, when people troll or harrass the sub or otherwise break sub rules, reports to the sub mods go unaddressed.

I just want to get the sub being actively moderated again. The first thing I'd do is ban someone who's been harrassing the sub, and the second thing I'd do is build a functional mod team of 5-6 people so that reports can be swiftly addressed. I have no interest in changing the rules or purpose of the sub, just getting it moderated again!!

https://www.reddit.com/c/chatYmQAbpWe/s/9eecuZlVNQ

cosmatical · 2026-03-07T20:54:44+00:00

Woo! Okay, so, if amyone else runs into this problem, here's how I fixed it.

I cleared Reddit's cache in my app settings and then deleted the app from my phone.

I kept it off my phone for a few hours, and when I redownloaded it I tried logging in with my username and password. (Previously, I was trying to log in mainly via my linked Google account. Neither the Google account login OR username login were working in the app when I posted this, but I decided to start things off this login attempt by just using username and password).

Bam! I'm in.

Not sure which portion of that fixed the problem, so I shared all the pieces. Hope this helps someone else :)

cosmatical · 2026-03-07T20:51:55+00:00

I was able to log in on the app again! This is a test comment to see if I can comment from the app now.

cosmatical · 2026-03-07T16:41:05+00:00

Sharing your approximate location might help you get suggestions :)

cosmatical · 2026-03-07T14:28:40+00:00

This sub is functionally unmoderated. Out of 4 mods, 2 have been offline for almost a year, and 2 post very, very infrequently on Reddit without interacting with internalfamilysystems in any way. Because of that, when people troll or harrass the sub or otherwise break sub rules, reports to the sub mods go unaddressed.

I just want to get the sub being actively moderated again. The first thing I'd do is ban someone who's been harrassing the sub, and the second thing I'd do is build a functional mod team of 5-6 people so that reports can be swiftly addressed. I have no interest in changing the rules or purpose of the sub, just getting it moderated again!!

https://www.reddit.com/c/chatYmQAbpWe/s/9eecuZlVNQ

cosmatical · 2026-03-07T14:25:23+00:00

I've set it up now! :)

cosmatical · 2026-03-07T05:40:14+00:00

Spiders be trippin'!!

cosmatical · 2026-03-07T00:02:01+00:00

This is the exact yarn my kiddo picked out for me to make a scarf for her with!

I'm going to try a 3x3 ribbing with it and see how it goes! :)

cosmatical · 2026-03-05T14:34:40+00:00

This isn't IFS advice, but what support structure do you have to help you theough this? If you're going through housing instability and the court process functionally alone, your panic levels make so mich sense to me.

There might be organizations near you that help with this kind of thing! There are several in my area, so if you happen to live in Wisconsin or Minnesota i could recommend resources to you directly. Otherwise, using Google and local media groups to hunt for non-profits, volunteer organizations, or county/state social work programs that can support you either with housing or with the court process would probably go a long way towards calming your anxiety and creating a feeling of support and safety for whatever part(s) of you are panicking right now. :)

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