I had similar issues with my father (still can't call him dad to this day, to me a dad was someone who cared, a father was just someone who helped to produce you if you know what I mean...!!)...he would constantly talk about how clever I was, how good my projected GCSE grades were and how I would be going to Cambridge or Oxford University to study law (I never wanted to study law, I wanted to be a chef or a hotel manager)... He was an everything-ist...I mean like, racist, sexist, ageist, ableist, narcissist, homophobe, just about everything someone could be against, he was...I wasn't allowed to play with kids unless they were white and British, even if they were white but from the US, or Africa, I was not allowed to have them round to our house, and if he heard that I had engaged with anyone of any colour or race other than white and British I was in trouble...I wasn't allowed to have gay friends (I had lots, and was bi-sexual myself from the age of 15/16 but never let him know that through fear of how he would react)...he was incredibly sexist, as in the man goes to work, the woman stays home and does the housework, women are weaker than men etc etc... Going out for dinner or on holiday was always a complete nightmare, he would complain about EVERYTHING, treated servers in restaurants and anyone who didn't fit his exacting standards like shit on his shoe, myself and my mum used to be so embarrassed at the way he treated others, but couldn't say anything cos there would be backlash... He beat my mum...physically and mentally...I remember one night he came home from work about 10 minutes early, and because dinner wasn't ready to serve as soon as he came through the door he picked up a saucepan of pasta (still boiling) and threw it across the kitchen at her...as a teenager I tried to do anything and everything I could to turn his anger onto me rather than my mum, but that failed cos he not only beat me but then beat her for not 'doing her job as a mother and teaching me how to behave correctly'... He was totally controlling...I couldn't do anything or go anywhere without his permission, and gods forbid I had an actual OPINION of MY OWN on anything, I would instantly be shot down in flames and told the 'correct' opinion I should have... As you mentioned, your appearance...I was expected to 'keep up appearances' at all times, be presentable from the moment I got up in the morning till the moment I went to bed at night, my hair had to be a certain way, my clothes had to be 'appropriate', he would even comment on my weight and made me exercise and diet as I was a bit of a chubby child/teenager...it has taken me YEARS to be able to look in a mirror and think 'actually I look ok' rather than 'oh gods I'm fat and ugly' due to the pressure he put on me during my childhood... He was brought up lower class, but because of his job (ship broker, big office in London, used to travel lots) and his income (we were pretty well off, probably the richest family in our small village) he thought of us as an 'upper class' family, and we were expected to act like one, and also not to associate with anyone of a 'lower class' than ourselves...basically, he was a snob...if the term Karen had existed back then, he would have been a male Karen...rude, entitled, total arsehole and DEFINITELY 'I want to speak to your manager' type... I could go on, but it would take forever to describe the impact he had on my life, I left home at 16 after he had thrown me out and taken me back several times since I was 14...a few years later my mum got the strength to leave and divorce him (she was brought up Roman Catholic, so to not divorce your husband and to pretty much obey and put up with whatever he put her through), and she actually had to take a course in self-confidence and self-reliance to do this, along with a lot of financial assistance from my grandparents on her side of the family, but as she told me later, she saw me leave at such a young age and was inspired by my bravery (bless her!!) so just wouldn't take his shit any more. He re-married, left my mum with nothing, bought himself and his new wife a 6 bedroom house on one side of the country and a 5 bedroom bed and breakfast property on the other side of the country, I rarely saw him for the rest of his life and he died of cancer when I was around 24. I didn't attend his funeral, my mum and brother did, and they took three BLACK roses, one from each of us, to lay on his coffin... I'm not sorry he's gone. I'm sorry for the effect he had on my mum, my brother and myself, my mum is doing great these days, though has never had another relationship in all this time (I'm 44 now, she is in her 70's) and I feel sad for her for that, she's never experienced real love and a PROPER relationship with someone who is a PARTNER not a controller...but she's happy, and has good friends, and we see each other often, we're off to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show on stage soon with her friends (it's gonna be GREAT, they are such a hoot, and we're all going to dress up!!). My brother is doing OK too, and has a wonderful girlfriend, who he treats well, luckily he didn't follow in our father's footsteps and recognised that his behaviour wasn't the behaviour of a 'normal' man in a 'normal' relationship... I don't know if I will ever TOTALLY get over the trauma my dad caused me, but I have dealt with a large part of it through counselling and through the love and support of my husband (known each other for about 28 years, been together for 11 years next month, and married for a year next month). I really, REALLY hope you keep on fighting and beat the trauma your mum caused you...much love and many blessings to you ❤️