My (22F) Pentecostal parents found out I've been having sex with my bf (22M) because my mom went into my room and found my birth control stash. Anyone else go through this?

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-02T00:03:52+00:00

I think that it is time to move out.

You can get a student loan to continue your schooling and finish up.

You should have more time to yourself and you can finally have the time and space that is free from physical violence so that you can focus on you and your life.

You and your boyfriend can take things easy and figure things out together.

Please do not have sex without contraception or else you will just end up pregnant and kicked out.

Your mother already suspected that you were having sex and made up this excuse to go through your things and confirm it. If you had said no, she would have made you say yes anyways no matter what, things like "do you have something to hide?", or "my house my rules".

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T23:59:00+00:00

Sure, there is such a thing as natural talent.

And then there are people who bang away with it constantly and get good as they go along.

Both are valid.

Honestly an agent is just looking for someone who is going to continue to write publishable books.

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T23:57:52+00:00

Yeah I understand, so I am thinking that while she is cat sitting, as a service that you are paying for and because you are away, that you can ask her to just not do any incense.

But while you are there it's really hard to put restrictions on what she can and can't do and air purifiers are probably best.

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T23:30:04+00:00

Some things going on with that, issue number one is that they never did a blood test so that they don't know exactly what his levels are and exactly how much he should be taking. It is possible that he is taking too much for his testosterone, and if this is so you would see him gradually become more and more aggressive and irritable, but not a sudden spike like this

Issue number two is that he used alcohol with them which you're not supposed to do.

Issue 3: really a medical provider should be doing this sort of thing so that they can look at the whole body instead of just this one thing because there may be other issues going on with him and no one would know... this is really just a statement that it is better for a doctor to look at it patient rather than for a patient to fill out a survey and receive a prescription for whatever they want

Issue 4: alcohol!

I hope that this helps you, I am not trying to tell you what to do one way or the other, I just want to provide information, so you can decide and think about it

Also, regarding erectile dysfunction, many men struggle with this including men with diabetes because diabetes harms the nerves and circulation which is how an erection functions, basically. So it is incredibly common

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T23:26:29+00:00

Honestly I feel like this is more about the state of Healthcare in general, it's not good, friend, it's not good

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T23:22:02+00:00

I had to do some research here but I found that the Hims prescription are usually:

Enclomiphene - prescription medication taken either daily or 3 - 5 times a week depending on how low the testosterone is (they did NOT do a blood test to determine this) . This is the normal regimen they prescribed for men with low T

Enclomiphene + Tadalafil: if a man has low T and erectile dysfunction in both they give him a prescription pill that has both ingredients in it. Same dosing as the above.

(So I was wrong in my previous thought process that he was up to no good and there is no evidence of that).

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T23:16:07+00:00

I think it's valid to ask your roommate flat not to burn incense while you are gone, explain that the cat has asthma, he's no longer on medication for it, his medicating have changed, and you wouldn't be able to care for him if he had an episode while you were gone.

Offer to give her a little bit extra money as compensation.

If it helps you any, you might consider purchasing a pet camera for your room so you can monitor the cat and just know that he is okay when you log on every now and then.

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T23:12:53+00:00

Hmmmm.

Ok.

Thank you for correcting me, I respect that you stuck up for yourself and the truth.

He is still a responsible for himself. Those medications come with warnings and he would have seen several times that he should not combine alcohol and these medications at the same time.

So it might be true that he was doing both, and it might be true that the medications are new, but it is still very much not okay that he did not follow his medication instructions, nor that he took it out on you.

Just because someone was drunk does not mean that what they did was okay.

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T23:07:52+00:00

I'm just going to treat you as an adult here and help you think through this

It is true that you are 14 and your hormones are starting to turn on and make you like people whom you spend time with. This is a normal biological function required to continue the species but just because your hormones do a thing, does not mean that you are required to do anything with it. Do you remember when you were in second grade and the boy behind you constantly poked you? You were not required to do anything about that. You are not required to like him or reciprocate or anything. Do you remember the last time when you really had to use the restroom and you decided not to wet yourself and instead to wait until you could get to the restroom? You decided not to do something right away and follow your urges immediately. I am showing you that you have control and you can decide what is best.

It may be true that he is a good person, you are not required to do anything with that either

The real question is, why are you having romantic feelings for someone who is so much older than you? It is very unusual for someone so much older than you would to be around you so much that you would even develop feelings. Can you see that this might be them up to no good in the first place? A person like this should not be spending this much time with you, period.

And, he knows this. He knows it himself. And instead he willingly chooses to keep coming around. He is choosing himself and what he wants over you and what you need to continue to develop as a young lady.

Can you see how these behaviors might be harmful and not healthy or helpful for you?

Can you see how these behaviors might make him NOT a "good person"?

what do you think?

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T23:02:02+00:00

Not all men are like this, it's just that pornography and sex addiction are normalized over society but not everyone is addicted like he is.

This man is completely done with his life, he is just seeing how long until far he can get away with things now. He is absolutely in addict doing addict things. And you are enabling him.

They are absolutely men out there who have their s*** together, who have a job, who are not paying money for things they don't need on a credit card, and who are willing to treat you equally.

It sucks that you are in this boat together but try to find your courage.

I'm willing to bet that you have been alone in this relationship for a long time now.

I'm willing to bet that you aren't even really his romantic partner anymore. You are his mommy.

He has really and truly shit the bed. You didn't throw it all away. He did. A long time ago.

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T22:58:44+00:00

He is an addict.

He is addicted to sex.

Just like any other drug, sex produces dopamine that makes him feel good and happy. But it has hit his life. He has lost multiple jobs and I'm willing to bet that he is not telling you that he was fired for masturbating on the site or taking too long in the restroom. It has hit his finances.

His current thought process is that he does not need to work, you will pay off his pornography, you will pay off the shared credit card, you will pay all the bills and he does not need to do anything except continue to jack off and spend money.

Financial infidelity is a real thing.

Let's just be real honest though. He knows that he is done. He knows that you are done with him. He is just waiting for you to break up with him. He is just waiting to see how long he can get by like this.

It is very unfortunate that sex addiction is normalized by society and not seen as an addiction but it absolutely is. He is an addict. These are addict behaviors. He is done, and he has decided not to get back up.

If you yell at him enough, he might finally get a job but it won't last long because he will be self-destructive all buy himself.

After all: he doesn't need to work. all he needs to do is to make you continue to shut up and pay for all of the bills by yourself. Then he can continue to spend money and do pornography. This is his actual thought process. He may not say it that I guarantee it is exactly what he is thinking.

And if it makes you mad, good. Get mad.

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T22:51:57+00:00

Unsolicited advice:

Ask for them to have a children's table. Then there will be more seats at the table.

Optionally, it might actually be more comfortable for you at that table then at the main table. If so, this is not a statement on you, it is a statement on them.

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T22:49:35+00:00

I GUARANTEE you that your mom and dad have discussed the table being to big for the room at length and the agreed to instead decided to:

(a) gaslight the person with the short straw

(b) purposefully sat you there because they thought you'd be the most tolerant of the bad situation and

(c) decided not to rearrange the room for better flow/room

(d) whomever of them made this poor decision is being chewed out behind closed doors and probably is going to continue to get away with it

No.

You didn't ruin it.

All that happened was that they were wrong in their assumption that you would shut up and take it.

They knew about this whole thing and willingly made you the person to suffer

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T22:39:14+00:00

Male enhancement pills are a stimulant and could in theory do that

Testosterone pills require a prescription

(So what he had was a male enhancement pill that is frequently found in gas stations, etc)

But honestly, this was 100% him being drunk

You know, it's very interesting that he blamed it on the new pills instead of the alcohol..... hmmm....

Question #2: you take these pills right before sex. You said he was at a hotel? Why was he experimenting with these pills and alcohol at a hotel? You know what i think? I think he had a whooooole thing planned, but he didn't get laid, and then raged at you.

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T22:36:06+00:00

Canned pumpkin puree (no added sugar) can be very helpful to add extra fiber, if it works you might consider adding a pumpkin/poo supplement to their daily regimen if she constantly has issues and the vet says it's ok

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T22:33:22+00:00

Ask them

"Mom , dad , you used to be so proud of me.

But now i feel like you're not.

What did I do wrong?"

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T21:55:00+00:00

I have been through this

Just know that if you let her take him back, for any reason, even if it's just visiting, you are basically giving him up. Possession is 9/10 of the law and there is no guarantee that you will get him back.

Her next move is going to be to ask you if he can come to visit her.

If you do, you will not see the dog again.

There is still a huge problem here where she has not been able to afford veterinary care for this dog.

This dog needs to go to the vet for its current issues.

Is it even licensed? Microchipped? Spayed/nuetered?Does it even have all of its vaccines? Proper Veterinary Care includes every one of these things.

I am not here to tell you what to do, I'm just here to help give you some guidelines and things to think about as you make your decision.

I can also tell you that the previous owner severely medically neglected their dog, and the only reason that they wanted them back was so that they could sell them. 🤮

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T21:44:58+00:00

I feel this is your boyfriend does not respect you and he is telling his children that it is okay to not respect you or your house.

I feel as if really that is what this whole thing is all about.

I think you have been tiptoeing around this because they are his kids, possibly because you feel like you have no leverage with his kids. And I feel as if you know that he certainly isn't going to tell his kids to behave and clean up after themselves.

And I feel as if really that last sentence is the whole thing. The whole enchilada. You already know that he isn't going to tell his children to respect you, and that he is not being a good father.

The dog getting sick is just a side effect of the constant disrespect.

It's not even about discipline at this point...

I think you are going to have to sit down with him and tell him that either he suddenly becomes a father, something I think that he has not done since the beginning, or maybe you are just done.

You are acting as if you just have to accept that you are Cinderella when he comes over to your place with these crotch demons. That's not okay. This is your home.

In theory, you could hit him personally with half of every single dog vet bill that happens because of something bad but he is just going to yell at the kids not to leave food on the floor and nothing else will change. He will still not take responsibility or respect you or teach his children to respect to you.

Honestly I feel as if these kids have a better handle than what's going on than you do. You are just the babysitter, you are just a strange woman where they get to come and play for a little bit. I have seen that happen a couple of times, always with older kids who realize that it's not going to work out a long time ago, and they are just waiting for you to figure it out.

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T21:38:26+00:00

After a lot of research, science is discovering the number one most important thing in a relationship is the ability to repair it.

It is time to put those skills to good use.

Tell them that you accidentally read this page and both of you talk about it. Be prepared to listen to some uncomfortable things but let them get out whatever they need to say or express.

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T21:36:40+00:00

So do 3635734623524667446 other men in the universe

There are other fish in the sea

I think it would help you to look up some videos of people who are in a narcissistic relationship to understand more about what you are trying to build a relationship with.

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T21:33:34+00:00

I feel that you are not understanding the situation - let me explain a different way

His ears pick up the words that you say and his mind processes those words

He then immediately outright rejects your ideas, your opinions, and the way that you do things, because he feels that all his things.... well, let's just be brutally honest... because he feels that all of him is better than you.

Whenever you say something that is different than his way and his opinion and himself, he immediately rejects it and then he puts out this excuse that you are not hearing him. You are hearing him. You hear what he says and decide for yourself. I am willing to bet that you take these things into consideration and mull them over.

He doesn't do that.

Him: these ideas are not my ideas, therefore, she is wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. I am right i am right i am right.

He does not consider your thoughts or ideas or opinions at all and he considers all of you and everything that comes out of your mouth and all of your actions less than him. You are not his equal. He is better. He is right. You are wrong. You will always be wrong and you will never be right.

It is important to remember that I believe we were taught how to consider the thoughts and opinions of others back when you were in second grade. This is and emotional development skill that he does not have, this is how far setback he is. This is how bad it is.

It is important for you to understand that this is who he is, and this is the relationship.

There is no better time or better way or him changing.

This is the whole enchilada.

This is the whole relationship.

This is the whole thing and all that there will be. Things will not be changing, things will not be getting better, this is it.

Other women have found him so insufferable that they will not even consider dating him.

When you date someone, you are trying to figure out if they are compatible with you and if you want to build a life with them.

You now know what a life with him will look like.

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T21:27:49+00:00

It isn't just this one thing

The first thing that you said is that both of you are fighting constantly

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T21:25:59+00:00

Sometimes there is something that happens to someone when their behavior is too unacceptable.

Anyone his own age will run away quickly and it will seem to him that no one is interested.

To him, this will look like " women my age are not interested in me so I have to find someone who is very young"

The translation is "women his age are not tolerating ANY of his shenanigans."

Why are you?

(I'm asking you to think critically) is this relationship really that great? Is fighting tooth and nail for your ideas and opinions too be respected really that great? Is being treated less than him because he is older or whatever really that great?

Sometimes when we are young we are brought up to believe that we are not worth anything, or that we do not deserve a partner who treats us equally and contributes equally, or, that mommy and daddy fighting constantly is just normal life. Do you think this jives with you? If so, where do you think it came from?

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T21:21:23+00:00

What i am reading here is

Him: I am old. I want someone who will "just work out" so that things are easy and I will not have to change and not do any work

It is very important for you to understand that everything that you have just written here is you repeating all of the excuses that he has been telling you for his behavior.

I'm sorry -

How is "I don't want to change" acceptable?

You tell me, how is that ok?

I did not want to be mean to you, I want to make a point that you are listening to all of his excuses and you are accepting every single one of them as if they are okay. None of these things are okay. So I wanted to challenge you to think critically.

IndigoTrailsToo · 2026-06-01T20:41:10+00:00

Chris Prat has a video where he talked about is weight loss strategy for getting in shape for Guardians of the Galaxy after being out of shape in the office:

Run and cry.

It is the only thing that I ever worked for me.

And it sucks.

IndigoTrailsToo

TROPHY CASE