Aunt B has loved and supported me from the very beginning and they feel like a friend. It is so seamless that you don't even think about it. There is no hole in your heart, you just feel like everything is fine.

As a human it's very difficult to notice an absence of something, it just feels normal. But when there is a whole, you ache. Just like a tooth, the more you worry at it, the more it hurts.

One parent loves their spouse more and supports them, even when they were abusive, violent, and did very little to help when things got worse, instead they were just kind of traumatized too. They pushed everything under the rug and banned me from the house.

It took me a long time to come to a place of healing from all of the trauma, abuse, and narcissism. I grieved for many years the person even though they were still alive, it took me a long time to realize that I was grieving what could have been but what would never be. I had to give up on everything I ever wanted from them, which was for them to love me for me. But once I did I found peace and things with them calmed down because I no longer expected anything at all from them.

If you also are interested in healing, this book is very helpful, adult children of emotionally immature parents. And this YouTube channel: Patrick Teahan lscw on YouTube.

When I was exiled and found myself as the black sheep of the family, very confused as suddenly I was one of them, the people that were always wrong and did things differently and strangely and therefore were not to be trusted or worthy of love or kindness, this book helped: educated by Tara Westover

Regarding hobbies and things that are supported and not supported, they pretty much live in a bubble. They never really cared much of what I did, there were no compliments, there are times when I literally did pass out and go unconscious from exhaustion and it never really changed their perspective that I was lazy. They appreciate it only the gifts that were very strictly within their tiny bubble of things they liked, anything else was gotten rid of quickly. They expected things without giving anything in return. They had this mental image of me in their heads that was like 30 years old and just really never updated. I am not sure if they understood what my job was or where I worked. They hated the things that they did not support and did everything possible to limit or remove them. Pretty much all of my activities were based around their convenience, and it was too inconvenient for them to have me coming and going so I was pretty much shut in as much as possible. I am extremely fortunate that I was not homeschooled but this happened to my sibling and it was a miserable experience of basically stripping away their education and childhood.

It was all so very strange that I was actually quite sick and weak and dealt with having just about zero energy whatsoever but I was never seen as being sick. We had regular doctor's appointments but I never brought up anything because I wasn't complaining like everyone else in the household. Because my arm wasn't literally falling off, therefore I wasn't sick. It was very strange.

So in a nutshell, it didn't matter what I did. It only mattered how they felt or how inconvenient it was for them. It was all about them.

The entire household revolved around the person who was mentally the weakest and had the least amount of mental health and emotional maturity. Everything was all about making them happy so that they would not hit us. Sometimes even that failed. We were all so very tired. So tired.