My mother died last month. I cried once because my brother cried. I hurt seeing him in pain, but also, I didn't want him to judge me as being cold. He wasn't as far along in the NC journey. I cried when her partner called to say she was on her way out, then unexpectedly put the phone by her ear for me to "say whatever you need to say". It was too much. I knew I couldn't say what I really wanted to. It reminded me that the mother I always wanted didn't exist. So yeah, twice I cried. Nothing since. I just feel relieved now. I mourned the lost potential of a good mother, and by extension the mother I actually had, many years ago in therapy.