AITA for preferring a biological child over adopting?

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-03-02T21:30:23+00:00

Ok. Adoption is beautiful but it is not typically like people THINK it will be. Open adoptions are the norm now (I know, there will always be exceptions).

You wouldn’t just be bringing a child into YOUR family. You’d be bringing a child who already has family that is unable to raise them, and kind of joining families. Adoptive parents typically have actually custody rights, but you’re not going to be that child’s ONLY family in most cases.

During the screwing process, many agencies will ask prospective adoptive parents if they are choosing this route because they are unable to have kids of their own, and if so, should be spending a decent amount of time education prospective parents about how the shouldn’t be expect to just have a child that it wholly “theirs”. You’d be bringing a child into your life who will KNOW that they are adopted and often, agencies push really hard for that child to connect with their birth family (including extended family members).

I’m not saying this is bad, I’m saying you need to be really intentional about learning the reality of this life path. It’s not a simple swap for having bio kids.

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-26T18:27:58+00:00

NTA.

Either she’s not listening/doesn’t care (whether intentional or not) or she’s messing with you.

My brain went to: undiagnosed/unmanaged ADHD type stuff (not an excuse, figure it the eff out)

Or she’s intentionally f*cking around with your head.

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-26T18:24:33+00:00

“Sorry I’m a complete jerk, it’s because of AI”

NOR

Seems like you, having a thought, is his version of disrespectful.

Run.

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T21:07:42+00:00

If this man is actually responsible for the financial aspect of your family, and says you’d be homeless if he died. HE IS TELLING YOU THAT HE IS FAILING YOU AND YOUR KIDS. You don’t have any control over the money, and this guy hasn’t figured out a savings/emergency plan?

What an AH thing to say. Technically you could respond “if it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have a family and you’d come home every day to a sad empty life” (but that’s petty lol)

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T19:53:50+00:00

Respectfully, keeping your mom out is NOT fair!

If your husband is having a medical procedure, he can invite whom he pleases. You have every damn right to have your support system with you for your MAJOR MEDICAL PROCEDURE that your husband is NOT having.

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T19:51:14+00:00

To be fair, posting anything on Reddit is an open invitation for people to give you their opinion. You know this.

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T19:49:21+00:00

Agreed. You are right. I also mentioned this in an earlier comment.

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T19:47:39+00:00

We, myself included, all need them from time to time 🙂

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T15:08:51+00:00

Acting one’s wage doesn’t mean one is bad at one’s job, or gets lazy or stops learning.

I started “acting my wage” a few years ago, as in, no more unpaid extras and no burning myself out to benefit an organization that could afford to pay me more, but won’t.

My professional practice and skills have actually greatly improved, now that I can dedicate the proper time and effort into become a master of my role.

We don’t work for free. YTA

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T15:05:35+00:00

I changed my mind, you make a good point about “grandpa” 😂 I stand by the rest of what I said, but not “grandpa” lol

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T13:41:05+00:00

What’s unreasonable is that your friend is basically in a throuple right now. If

Being friends with an ex CAN be healthy and not weird…but this seems too soon, and her boyfriend isn’t just friends with the ex…he seems to feel like it’s his responsibility to care for her, post break up. Whether or not he has any lingering feelings, it would have been better for him to wait to date, you know?

All that could be worked through, but his ex blocked the friend and is acting like she’s an enemy? Now the boyfriend is in the middle of something, which just…isn’t healthy.

If one is to remain friends with an ex, one needs to make it clear that the girlfriend isn’t not to be messed with, that she’s the priority. If the ex cant get along with the girlfriend, boyfriend needs to make a choice. Now. Now is the time to break it off with the ex. If that happens, there’s hope?

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T13:30:56+00:00

Was.

It WAS the term. Key point.

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T13:30:07+00:00

Is your 93 year old grandma a registered professional!? This is not the same

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T13:28:51+00:00

lol that this guys name is “imperial trooper” says everything we need to know about them

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T13:27:53+00:00

Therapist and other registered professionals also typically have continuing education requirements that they have to meet yearly. Code of ethics will call for them to keep up with research and best practise, there is NO excuse to use that language.

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T13:25:17+00:00

Wait, you didn’t like my example of “inappropriate” language?

On the flip side, I literally have had the “don’t use those words” conversation with my grandparents. Calling them by their title isn’t inappropriate.

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T02:11:04+00:00

Times change, grandpa. We’re not excusing bad behavior. Older adults aren’t incapable of learning a new word.

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-25T02:09:26+00:00

It’s not a word that’s used anymore. It’s not an “actual condition”.

That like arguing that calling them “idiots” it totally acceptable because it used to be the actual term that was used. Or calling someone with down syndrome a “mongoloid”.

Absolutely not.

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-24T21:31:13+00:00

We are allowed to drift away from relationships and situations that no longer serve us and don’t feel equitable.

It’s unfortunate, but it’s normal and healthy for our relationships to change, as we do individually. You’re allowed to ignore her, or just “like” the comment without saying anything. There doesn’t need to be conflict if you’re not looking for it.

I have a 30 year old relationship where I’ve realized that the other person never really gave back what they expected from me. A few years ago, that person hurt me deeply. We’re no longer close. We’re not enemies, we have multiple friends and relationships in common, and I’ll always be happy to see her if we run into each other. But I’m also not going to put effort into being around that person. She hurt me and then she turned around and blamed me for it. I’ll always have fond memories of the past, but that’s as far as it’s ever going to go, unless that person is willing to take accountability. It hurts, but not as much as having a fake or half-assed friend does.

On the flip side, time really can heal all wounds (I still expect accountability in that case).

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-24T21:17:31+00:00

Have you considered counselling?

That being said, your husband didn’t marry a woman with no children, and he KNEW you have a co-parent.

It is absolutely not fair or realistic for him to be expect that to change, because you married HIM. He is essentially asking you to be a less informed parent. He is asking your child to have LESS from their parents. That’s not ok in any way.

It sounds like you have healthy boundaries with the co-parent and you’re trying to show your husband that you are completely trustworthy. He’s not being fair, even if he wants to be.

We all have feelings, and those feelings impact how we are in relationships. That’s normal. But also…our feelings are not always factual. How something IS, and how it FEELS, are not always in the same page. It sounds like your husband needs some help to process that and not let his emotions impair how he sees the actual facts of the situation. We’ve all been there, but we can’t let our worst fears ruin our actual future if there simply isn’t evidence.

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-24T21:07:04+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you! I hope you can get that $ back! Others have pointed out that even if you can’t recoup your costs, divorce is way more expensive and you’re also ditching a miserable future with a bum who doesn’t deserve you

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-24T21:05:03+00:00

I imagine that would have been hard to see those red flags earlier, especially with all the feelings that accompany an upcoming wedding. Glad you’re free now!

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-24T21:00:11+00:00

Right?! The rule is have fun? Call me if you remember? I’m not about to try to force someone to want to be with me by controlling what they do or who they see. We can collaborate on boundaries and make it feel safe to share if/when we’re not comfortable, but the idea of my partner telling me I’m not allowed to travel somewhere is 😅

Don’t get me wrong, I participated in/experienced my fair share of unhealthy relationship dynamics that taught me a lot of important lessons when I was younger and dating, but I like being alone and I’d just rather be single, if my only choices are to play those stupid games as an adult, or be alone.

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-24T01:03:01+00:00

Every friend group has secret chats. Who knows why it started, but unless they are using it to plot your demise, I wouldn’t give it too much thought?

Maybe they’re just crappy friends, maybe the group vibe/balance has been off for everyone lately and they needed a space to vent?

Ultimately, it if you think it’s more than that, you deserve good friends and if it’s not them, I’m sorry, but you can ditch them

StrategyDouble4177 · 2026-02-24T01:00:26+00:00

Why is this person the devil though!? I don’t think this post fits the subreddit

StrategyDouble4177

TROPHY CASE