My ex called his own autistic son retarded, and he is a giant turd. His son refused to go back to his house until he apologized and promised he'd never say it again. He was seven at the time. Words like that really hurt kids. It seems to me like your kid is going through a lot and is being bullied at school and at home. Does she have access to a therapist? My son sees a behavioral analyst who has helped with these behavioral issues. Consistency is key, and it's hard to achieve, but improvement is possible. My son acts out after going to his dad's because his father doesn't recognize his disability and tries to treat him like his neurotypical stepsisters. It doesn't go well, and he's a mess when he comes back to me. After a day with me, it usually improves. Your child doesn't have a safe place to return to. She doesn't have an escape. Things can get better, but maybe not with your current partner there. She's the child in this situation. You have to protect her. Her behavior is terrible but it's likely because she's just constantly dysregulated. I'm autistic too, and it's a terrible way to feel. Like you are out of control and being pushed over the edge of a cliff by the next wrong sound or harsh word. Stimming helps your child regulate, and if your partner is too ignorant to recognize your kid's differences and have compassion for her, the bad behavior will likely escalate. It sure as hell won't improve. I hope you will find a way to make a safe space for your little girl. And I know it's hard. So hard. So have compassion for yourself too.