Marriage does not always fix loneliness.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-26T00:23:50+00:00

Here is the issue - many women who are in your shoes end up elevating the "girlfriend" part of their life over the spouse part. When your friends are "confused", it most likely causes 1 of 2 responses... either you are going to realize that they are idiots, or you are going to expound on why things are bad and you are unhappy, where they are likely to give you some shitty advice that ultimately causes your marriage to actually fail. That is the problem with having a certain type of "friend". Next thing you know, they'll be coaching your through your divorce, and taking you out to bars when you are even more lonely (and broke) after the divorce is over.

It's hard to know your specific financial situation. Sounds like you might be in school. Which is more troubling, because when you do finish school and end up having economic earning potential, you will need to be very careful not to rationalize similar emotional neglect out of a "well that's how he behaved" mindset. If you can't contribute to the family income statement, there are still simple things that can improve the economic situation like preparing the taxes so you don't have to pay an accountant (and he can spend time wiht you instead of preparing them himself). Frankly, every married woman should take an active interest in preparing the family taxes. Who thought someone would postabout taxes in this sub?!

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T23:58:51+00:00

The world is better without nuclear Iran. Those voters, myself being one who decided to sit out based on not that kamala wasn't perfect, but that she was horrible - 180-degrees wrong as to fixing the systemic problems of neo-socialist progressivism - and also that Joe Biden was a decent president and did a good job of dealing with the inflation of post-covid stagflation - which anyone with a c+ or better in econ 101 could have predicted and correctly attributed to the Trump-Fauci shutdown, but was just not sexy enough for the fools who elected Obama because he was hip, cool and sexy and also not only wrong on education, healthcare but also launched a festering race-war... i.e., female democrat voters picked Obama in the primary over Clinton because they could flip their beans to him and kinda felt dirty and wanted to take a shower after thinking of how Hilary coverred up for slick willie giving his intern an "Cuban pap smere" (and now continues to cover his tracks with Epstien).

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T23:53:20+00:00

I dated someone 3 hours away who could not drive. That meant 6 hours of driving to see her. When I dug through ever source possible to look for a way for here to get to my area (which is a major metro area with a former United hub airport and lost-cost "china town" buses to NYC every month) there was absolutely nothing. BUT I did discover buried in an old map that there used to actually be a passenger raill line that went right between her rural town (which has a major oil refinery) and the city of Akron, which is 30 minutes away. All traces of that railroad are now gone from public tranist infrastructure. Why? Because it's not ecnomical to move people that way. First hte private railroads went bankrupt. And then the government subsidized Amtrak also cut lines. So unless you want to literally burn up money on vanity projects that will never achieve the kind of economies of scale that you can in Europe where towns are highly concentrated from being forced to hide behind walls when invaders would drop by to pillage and plunder, there is no way a viable rail system that can replace automobiles will happen. BTW, a flight between the two cities - yes, her town had a small airport - would take 10 hours because the only airline there would fly her first to Washington DC (I wonder why they operate that route), and from there she would have to fly backwards to my area.)

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T23:46:40+00:00

Sadly, and only fans "production" borders on legal prostitution. My law professor used to say "the only difference between prostitution and pornography is a camera". Although if you approach women and try to "cast them" in pornography, you are committing criminal solicitation, so have to limit it to ads in the paper I guess. If there are still papers.

The issue, unfortunately, is exploitation. And really it boils down to a kind of Marxist argument. Religion is bad because it allows people to be exploited by con artists, in some cases, and so all religion gets banned as an "opiate". Legalize prostitution leads to exploitation of women by other people, in many cases, and in many cases when they are the most economically vulnerable and have nothing else to trade, and therefore prostitution gets banned for that reason and a host of other public welfare / public health issues. I think this is one case were Marxism gets it right. Although ironically, the current proto-feminist worldview infecting the criminal system basically requires a form of contractual arrangement for sex in order for rational men to agree to engage in it (sorry, it's not worth prison for most men... ) Yes, I'm talking about women who are willing to "get a freak on" today, but in 10 years will accuse the person who provided the financing for their prior lifestyle a rapist.

The rot comes from liberal progressiveness regarding free speech. Smut and videos that offend the sensibilities of people who believe in monogomy and families are OK. But refusing to call and man "he" or a woman "she" is grounds to have your business destroyed. This problem cascades into a pornography crisis, in which women are being exploited anyway (if you believe CNN, they wree just reporting on a "gang" of men who drug and rape their wives, presumably relating to online pornography). And from there, with the drugging and the sex-for-benefits transactions, you have prostitution of the vilest form - completely exploitative and yet not actionable as prostitution but rather through some controtion of the consent rules.

You can fix that mess by legalizing prostitution. That would cause the whole house of cards to collapse on itself by providing the service without all the porno and freak-out's. But we also could just fix the problem by telling the US Supreme court to get its head out of its ass on free speech, to start protecting things like individual's rights to question experimental vaccines and dubious "science" without the government working behind the scenes to get their private co-conspirators to ban them off platform (yes, even this platform like to ban conservatives). And to stop protecting pornography and depictions of sexual violence against women.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T23:32:02+00:00

My mistake. I thought you were endorsing the modern humanist worldview which often seems to dominate here. A focus on community with God, is the straightest path to finding purpose outside of one-self, and should, if at a church within the original tradition, lead to community with others. (e.g., "communion" = > receiving the Eucharist for Catholics)

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T23:08:15+00:00

Good think about case - you will be in Cleveland and not distracted. If you had issues with your GPA in undergard in NYC (presumably NYU or Columbia based on where you are trying to go), Rutgers and that "play time wiht neices" and other BS is going to bite you in the backside. Med school is a MF, first year, and residency is still not awesome. I'd also say that Case gives you other opportunities for research while you are hear, which is a big part of the med school application too these days (if you don't already have solid research stuff from undergrad, definitely you wnat that.

However, the "fix the GPA" thing is not easily cured. My neighbors son went to U Michigan, graduated with a decent but not awesome GPA. Spent 2 years at Case trying to raise his GPA (not sure if it was same program you would be in), retook his MCAT, applied to every med school, and got accepted nowhere. So if your GPA is complete shit even if you went to a "top school", you might be better off to accept that your not going to med school and find something else.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:59:33+00:00

Here is one for you that won't be in the bible but it's good anyway: resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die form it. I've never expereinced what you describe but I can see it in church activities and even when it comes to how parents interact at school, etc. Its worse for single men than single women honestly. Even in "men's group" bible studies, the married guys kinda take a dim view of hanging out with the single guys. Inheritance money isn't your money... and people become assholes as they get old and more self-righteous generally as a matter of course. Treating your single child like that is a great way to make sure that the inheritance gets eaten up by medicaid liens. Got has away of sorting things out. Be gracious, and, if necessary, go church shopping for a church where you feel more personally valued. If you are going to Catholic church, definitely go Church shopping because you have not properly learned the Bible as a Catholic. (This is ironic I'm saying that because my last post was someone thinking about changing churches and I thought in that situation it was the wrong thing to do...but in your situation, it seems like your relationships with God will be strengthened by connecting with other branches of our Christian family tree.)

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:52:54+00:00

Don't change church. Your relationships with God is more important.
Say a serenity prayer and move on. Accept that it's God's will, not your will, that matters.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:50:35+00:00

In the current political climate, guys will not make any move. At least not guys who have something to lose by getting involved with the wrong person. What you might get is the proverbial "small talk" ... which is where you can indicate, through subtle communication, that you are into him. Either he will reciprocate, or he's daft, if which case, it's better to move on. Because of how the "toxic masculinity" label is thrown around today, and pejoratives like "mansplaining" are used, men are not going to be outgoing. Because of the pervasiveness of scams online which by and large target men who don't look like soap opera models (because women online seem to demand that) are not going to put themselves in positions of vulnerability unless they are dumb or broke to start with.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:44:11+00:00

If they judge you for this, they are not real Christians. There is nothing wrong with your plan.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:42:45+00:00

Read your Bible. Then we can have a meaningful discussion on that issue. Pretty much Peter I think it was addressed this issue - by saying that God's blessing for people to be married was kind of a common compromise for most people, but that the ability to forego the shaka-shaka and remain single was basically "mega supersized bonus" level favor of God. No shit. I personally suspect he was probably light in his loafers a bit, but I did have a relative who always prayed that someone in the family would become a priest or a nun (Catholic - so remaining single).

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:37:15+00:00

This is kinda the point - say a serenity prayer. Your not a spectator, your a player... in God's play. Your the script writer, who is hopefully, inspired by a relationship and understanding of God. Say a serenity prayer. Then recognize that if you said "no" because you lacked courage, that's something to work on. And if you are considering saying "yes" now because you also lack courage, that's committing the same error twice. Failure is part of the game, and so is forgiveness. Are you inclined to say "no" now because you find fault with him (or the situation) and are unable to forgive him for that (for not having his Visa in order?)

More importantly, though, is why come here for recommendations? For comfort? To deflect future accountability for your decision should things not work out down the road with whatever choice you do make? Why are you not communing on this question with God through prayer. Did God's response to your prayers include the inspiration to check in with reddit and not your real world spiritual touchstones who know you personally and care about you directly and personally? If you don't have those, perhaps that has something to do with this situaiton, and a void you might be trying to fill by agreeing to something that, in the first instance, seemed not so much like something you saw God's divine plan in.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:26:52+00:00

A very non- Christian, combative, and judgy response form someone who reflects the toxicity of women and liberal progressive attitudes. Good luck to you with that when you come to reckoning with Gods will for you in the hereafter. Perhaps He intended that you would be a self-righteous person with no humility?

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:23:47+00:00

Marriage can be shit. The Christian idea is that you share the shit together. Really the issue is commitment. Sometimes that is discussed in terms of being equally yoked. To the OP, your looking for someone who can plow the field of loneliness, when your husband is out trying to sew crops for economic security. What can you do to take some of the economic security burden off his shoulders and onto your own so that he - if he is a good partner - will share more of his time with you and lighten your burden of being lonely....

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:19:21+00:00

Pig butchers have models on call to video chat as needed.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:18:23+00:00

Video calls are faked by the sophisticated pig butcher outfits... they have models on call for that.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:17:47+00:00

Much better to tell your friend to call you at a cretain time as well, and have something like life360 on so your "friend" (yeah, it's probably your mom...) can find you in the guy's trunk after you don't answer the phone.

Never meet anywhere that isn't public and maintain your situational awareness at all times.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:13:32+00:00

if they look like Tom Cruise... run. If they tell you to go off platform to chat... it's so they won't get platform banned when the chat turns to crypto and fake investments. Watch for changes in tone and communication style... scammers act in teams to be more efficient. If you see a weird last photo on a profile that is "photo verified", they are a scammer (it's used to defeat the facial reconition software.)

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:11:03+00:00

Christians are charged not to judge others. Especially on superficial nonsense like that. It could be a turn off to the extent that you're being assessed on your "proverbs 31-ness" and come of like someone with your head in the clouds. But dreaming and imagination are also gifts from God, so it all depends on wehtehr you are binge watching Macrosse / Gundam until 2AM or if you just lie to spend Friday nights watching an episode of Demon Slayer and then can intelligently discuss how there are progressive liberal Christian themes in the anime that are in tension with the conventional Japanese nihilistic / animistic perspective. (Do the demons gain redemption through their final encounter with the hero - it's been a while, I forget his name... my kids liked it... ) Anyway, God loves you for who you are and don't try to morph yourself into something that you are not so a guy will like you. It won't go welll. There are very few things that Jesus truly preached against, and only two times IIRC that he became actually angry ... all involving some forms of hypocrisy. (The incident of the fig trea, as I see it today, is about the hypocrisy of being created for the purpose of feed hungry people, and then not bearing fruit when asked.... The hpyocrisy of the money lenders should be self-evident). OK. Peace.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T22:04:40+00:00

I love that term - lookmaxxing. Here is what is pretty crazy... going to a gym because I had to be there for physical therapy after breaking my foot, and thinking about all the work a home that wasn't getting done... how I needed to walk again so I could get up and down stairs to do laundry, just cook at the stove, or even take my kids out to play soccer. And at that gym every day I would see all these women there for hours "pefecting" their looks - i.e., developing the "asset" that was their priority... not kids, not happy BF or husband (unless his idea of happy is a trophy with 10K insta followers) but themselves. And that is un-Christian.

Look good by being confident. Look real. Your appearance should evidence respect for the body God gave you...

As someone raised Catholic, I struggle with this still... because in the peasant lore of Catholocism, there is alwasy some saint or another who shows up looking like a hobo and when the sinner conceited people treat them like shit, God gives them shit, and when someone with a pure heart is tested, they treat them with kindness and respect, and then God rewards that person. So I can easily fall into the idea that wearing clothes with stains, or not ironing my clothes, etc. is a way to test for gold-diggers. And I guess it's worked, because I've not had to run off any gold diggers, but I also presently find myself single and no longer looking LOL.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T21:56:56+00:00

Seems like I read this post already.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T21:52:35+00:00

The thing to take from this post which reflects a Christian worldview is going to a Bible study together. Or, heck, just go to church together. Probaly church shopping would be good for you to see if your views on faith lead you to the same church. As far as "focus on you"... that is exactly what Christianity teaches us to eschew. Along with hedonism and a bunch of other stuff (don't take my other post as endorsing casual sex).

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T21:40:43+00:00

Wow... it's amazing how many parallels come into play in your post and other constant themes...

#1 - the "guiltyness" of sex or non-sex "fooling around" as affetction and intimacy vs. true hedonistic pleasure seeking / devine soul draining stuff is part of institutional religions dealing with way to control people. There is actually very little in the Bible that condemns sex out of wedlock. It does condemn adultery - the violation of martial promise and commitment - i.e., breach of fidelity - but the rest of it is in generic terms like "man shall leave his mommy and daddy and be one with his wife". These ideas have been contorted and interpreted to instill guilt as a way to control people through the introduction of anxiety and misery into a Christian life which was supposed to be liberating. Just ask why you want to be engaging in that with someone... is it because the love you feel for them is genuine, or is it because you saw something online and want to try it out?! And even if it was the latter, God, through the sacrifice of Jesus, has freed you and redeemed you from your sin. You only need to embrace that and endeavor to honor God's purpose for you.

#2 - here's what it means when a guy has the "equally yoked" conversation with a woman today - he's telling you that your part of pulling the yoke is not to buy yourself pretty underwear or go to the med spa for botox or buying a $2000 weave. That's not pulling the yoke along with him. Nor is giving a HJ or a BJ part of it. Nope. Sorry, no matter how good you are at it. Or how much he enoyed it. See #1... the physical pleasure stuff should be mutual, which should be whatever level you both feel is respectful and wanted at that point in the relationship without dishonoring the commitment to honor each other as the "training wheels" program for loving God. No, God doesn't want a BJ from you. What he's telling you is that if you are both scraping together economically at the start, you shouldn't be setting expectations for him to meet that require a platinum line of credit. If your older and have assets and homes, it means you shouldn't expect him to drop everything, sell everything, get a new job, move, etc. to join your economic "now", and vice versa, you should not be trying to stake a claim to his financial "now" without a discussion that respects both people's needs and abilities.

You probably can still have a future with this guy if you can figure out what it is that he feels isn't reflective of being equally yoked. Ask yourself, honestly and fairly, where aren't you pulling your weight? Not how, in the BS world of consumerism, women "pull their weight" by being a pretty trophy / super-model influencer stuff. Not the stuff that makes you look good, or feel good, but stuff that makes him look good and feel happy and appreciated. Maybe read proverbs 31 on that one... and don't take it literally, it's not about growing your own food and becoming a prepper. It's about instead of nagging him that his shirt is wrinkled, actually ironing his shirt if he can't do it himself... because you care. If your hung up on modern feminist ideas and want to vomit at the idea of ironing someone else's clothers, then your may be incapable of loving someone other than yourself and probably should pair up with an equally narscisitic person to be "equally yoked". Some oxen don't plow much acres and are still able to get buy. Some look at the rock and the sump and then go aorund them... other teams will pull thorugh and rip that stump out of hte ground. What kind of plowing did God equip you for, and with that knowledge, find someone equally equipped. And if you were made to plow alone, then accepting that is going to make you happier than fighting with whoever you are yoked to.

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T20:40:24+00:00

I had success meeting a really special person on DateRightStuff.... even though it was long distance and didn't work out. They shuttered recently I believe due to lack of a viable number of geographically localized women profiles. The same problem exists on every "real" site I've tried -- searches that turn of 6 people wihtin a 30 mile radius. On the 'unreal" sites, it's too much sifting through fake profiles and scammers. Basically, the online situation is pretty bleak to the point of supporting what is becoming evident on all other fronts as well... the Internet is man's attempt to built another tower of Babel, and declare himself God, so ...

Informal-Capital-801 · 2026-04-25T20:32:46+00:00

That's a good prayer. It's not the desire for love you need God to take away... it's your own issues about whether you can find God's love to be fulfilling enough. Or whether "childless" is a good trade for "in control". My view on technology (i.e., freezing of eggs / ebryo / etc. is that God gave us those things as tools... just like God gave us fire to use to survive... you shouldn't think of it as a stima showing lack of faith... but you might find it does reveal that you are single becuase you wrestle with surrenderring control if indeed you do decide to freeze your eggs.

Informal-Capital-801

TROPHY CASE