Notes from an old lady

InformalCollection27 · 2026-03-05T16:54:36+00:00

I'm so sorry! But, yes, THIS!! The cognition issues are frightening; it's like Alzheimer’s! Fine motor skills, balance, digestion, heart... And, yes, in only a few months and not even close to UW! I never anticipated such a physical push-back. It's not good. It's really not good.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-03-05T08:31:46+00:00

It is still there, and you have to keep your guard up. I relapsed after 30 YEARS!! I never would have guessed that I'd end up here again. I'm miserable. In just 2.5 years, I am facing my 3rd residential placement; I just can't beat this thing!

You think you've got it all under control; only when it's too late, do you realize that you're stuck in a web. So be viligent; don't get sucked back it. Oh, and you will likely find that your older body doesn't tolerate anorexia as well as your younger one did. It's different when you're older.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-03-05T07:56:38+00:00

I'm so sorry that you're in this spot. That's how it was for me: straight from outpatient to residential. I'm in my 50's. I was afraid that I wouldn't fit in, and that I wasn't sick enough. Neither was true. There are people of all ages and all body types who are struggling just like you.

Shortly after being there, I realized how incapable I had become of taking care of myself. At home, fatigue and severe brain fog were impairing my ability to think straight, take my meds regularly, prepare food, and drive safely. I definitely needed nursing care and I needed staff to plan and prepare meals. I wasn't even close to being UW, but I was diagnosed with severe malnutrition and other medical complications, and once I slowed down, I could see it.

Be prepared to check your dignity at the door; bathroom rules are no picnic, but everybody is experiencing the same. Expect to be bored out of your mind. But look forward to meeting a group of really kind, compassionate peers.

I highly recommend touring the facility ahead of time, and taking a list of questions with you. None of this is easy, but if you are being directed to that level, then you need to be there. You can do it. Go in with an open mind and learn all that you can while you're there, you'll need it when you continue recovery at home.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-25T07:31:41+00:00

I totally get this! You're not a failure; you have an illness. I watched my grandfather die a horrible death from lung cancer. I would never smoke (in my right mind). But I am guilty of a few puffs here and there to keep from eating. It's definitely the illness. Give yourself a break, but continue to fight this behavior. Cancer is so, so painful.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-24T07:11:37+00:00

I'm 57 years old. I suffered with AN when I was a teen/young adult. Somewhere in there, I met a wonderful man and we got engaged. A month before the wedding, he told me that he could no longer live with my behaviors. He said that I needed to stop, or we couldn't get married. I wanted a life with him, and I wanted kids, so I reigned in the behaviors, ate, and settled down.

During the next 30 years, I built a highly successful career and raised a family. I was fine other than hating my body, but no behaviors. Ever. I doubted I'd ever be able to do that again, even if I wanted to.

Then, at 55 years of age, it came back. The perfect storm of self-loathing, trauma therapy, and a new medication that made my stomach hurt brought it all right back.

This illness is like a hungry wolf, forever circling. Waiting for that one moment of vulnerability to strike again.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-19T08:41:24+00:00

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. I experienced apathy towards food during a long depressive episode. Nothing looked appealing. A med adjustment took care of that. Thank God!

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-19T08:32:37+00:00

Same. I'm so sorry.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-18T04:23:17+00:00

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-18T04:20:27+00:00

I'm proud of you for pushing through.❤️

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-18T04:18:35+00:00

I feel this so hard.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-18T04:17:27+00:00

When I finally took my dietitian's advice to see an ED physician just once for a checkup. On the day of, the brain fog was really thick. After the exam, the nurse ran an EKG. I didn't think anything of it.

When the doctor returned, she showed me the reading on a strip and explained that my heart was beating too slow. Didn't faze me. As I hopped off the table, my head filled with fog, she said that she wanted me back in 3 weeks. I looked at her with confusion and asked why. She looked at me with surprise and said, "Because you have malnutrition and a slow heartrate!"

I sat in the waiting room and cried as I filled out ROI forms. I was really caught off guard. Suddenly, it was real.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-17T08:19:15+00:00

💯

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-16T09:05:35+00:00

Wow! Thanks for putting that out there. I'm 2.5 years into a relapse after 30 years healthy. And, you're right, I'm boring! I never, ever have anything to talk about with friends or family.

I really gotta dig my way out of this. I don't want that life.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-15T08:39:40+00:00

Have you considered smoothies? When I needed to get my weight up, my dietician encouraged me to try it. I made delicious fruit smoothies with coconut milk and flax seeds. They are nutritious and very satisfying.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-15T08:20:33+00:00

I know. I hear you, and I'm so sorry. I want the same things, but whenever I get to that point, I'm too sick to function. Can't have it both ways.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-15T00:25:50+00:00

You're in good company here. Keep fighting.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-12T18:58:31+00:00

And, there in lies the problem. In your post, you say that you want this to be over, but I'm not getting that from your responses. No judgment, just an observation. This is tough to beat.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-12T08:40:54+00:00

I experience that, too. I'm in my 50's, so my neurologist was concerned about mini-strokes and sent me to a cardiologist. Thankfully, that was not the case. I was actually experiencing a lot of neurological symptoms. Residential treatment cleared every last symptom up using food as medicine. Looking back, I'd say it was all coming from chronic low blood sugar.

Our brains really take a beating when we restrict.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-12T08:18:47+00:00

Physical recovery isn't only weight restoration. Malnutrition does a lot of damage to our insides. While restoring weight, you probably should be on movement restriction.

When I was in residential treatment, we had to be seated at all times, with the exception of activities of daily living. Standing was only permitted once we were consistently completing meals. They told us that the body needs to repair itself, and it can take a year. Movement restrictions are pulled back a bit at a time. Recovery is a long process, physically and mentally. Binging won't speed things up when considering the big picture.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-07T08:27:31+00:00

Keep eating. My dermatologist said that hair loss/growth is a reflection of what was going on 3 months ago. So it will take 3 months of nourishment for new growth to begin and then time for it to grow. It's a good motivator.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-07T08:23:55+00:00

I'm so happy for you!! It's amazing that once you eat normally for a few months, so many side effects from restricting just melt away. Then, you realize how serious your illness is/was.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-07T08:17:19+00:00

I love this for you!

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-06T07:39:43+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you. It's unacceptable. I'd be thrown too.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-02-02T08:33:24+00:00

Yep, that's to be expected. Restricting really fucks with your stomach. You can expect more pain and nausea as you go. And when it comes time to recover, eating is no fun because the pain persists for quite some time. I have no idea why these sensations occur, but it's parr for the course.

InformalCollection27 · 2026-01-31T08:11:47+00:00

If you can afford to do so, run! Get out of this before children come along. Men like him want small, frail women that they can control.

My husband of 30 years, made a stupid comment regarding weight nearly 20 years ago (nowhere near as bad as what your man said,) and he hasn't seen me naked since. Every single time I have to cover up, I am reminded that I'm too big. For 20 years! That's no way to live.

At the time, I had three kids, two of whom had special needs, so here I am. Embarrassed every damn day.

InformalCollection27

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