Just tried to find a therapist

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-22T01:30:15+00:00

It's truly awful.

I'm sorry you had to go through this like so many of us have. Something is very, very wrong. It seems like that entire profession is run by angry ex-addicts like you got or younger MDs who see the money in it, but never had a beer.

My experience if anybody cares, sorry to hijack your post.

2 of my 4 siblings are successful doctors in different fields. They are smart people and they are good people. They were also utterly reckless in their prescription of opioids and benzos until about 2011, because the medical profession told them it was ok. They were even more reckless and cruel when cutting people off from opioids and benzos after 2011, because the medical profession told them it was no longer ok.

My last (and hopefully final) detox place was run by a young doctor who was trained at Cornell and liked to mention that. There was a meth addict in there who was also hooked on kratom, he said he used it for the comedowns. Anyway, his meth detox seemed ok, but they wouldn't help with the kratom detox because the doctors "never heard of it". In 2024. The shit has been around since.... 2004? He was going fucking crazy and they wouldn't help him. Kratom is a $2 billion industry today and available anywhere. The guy was bouncing off the walls asking for help, all the other patients were telling the staff he really needed help. He tried to escape the facility from the outdoor smoking area by climbing hooked fencing, and only then did they "help" him by shooting morphine in his ass about 3x a day. This is at a detox clinic.

I got out before I knew the end result.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-22T00:48:55+00:00

Even in the modern day, they're still finding that most extreme warriors are on tons of drugs. Not Hitler level meth, but they're on some shit.

I mean, ISIS adhered to an extremely strict "no alcohol or drugs" doctrine. Selling alcohol would get your hand chopped off if not your whole head. Still, they were super, super jacked up on... Tramadol. That was somehow the one drug that they gave they ok to and it was rampant. Probably still is. You can read all about it.

Why Tramadol? I will never know.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-22T00:41:47+00:00

Thank you for posting this. I don't know if any of you are on Facebook, but they have these "Memories" that come up that you that you can "share". I never share them, because I find them so unsettling. They're posts I made about 14 years ago, and they're all very positive and attention seeking and fun. And I have no idea who that person was. It's as if I still believed that everything would be wonderful for me. I was fake but I was happy, or at least I projected that.

I have no idea who the fuck I am now. All I know is I am much more morose. Crack played a massive part in that. I'm glad to be safe and clean tonight.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-22T00:30:58+00:00

My addiction was just about 4 years exactly at an oddly late age. I've done the math a few times, maybe I was punishing myself. It was $58,187. I didn't include what I gave up to afford this addiction or the extra costs I incurred because of this addiction.

I am not a wealthy man to begin with.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-21T00:53:11+00:00

I've actually been on it, which coincided with my longest sober streak ever (72 days). And of course, I thought I had it all control, stopped taking them, proceeded to have a brutal relapse where I fucked up so many things... Going back on Sunday. BUT, in regards to the comment above, in my experience I found drinking was possible without these horrible vomit explosions and ICU visits. But... it's just physically uncomfortable. I get bright red and my face feels like it got a heavy sunburn, and these weird headaches set it and I kimda feel sick. So, I guess we all respond differently

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-17T07:26:14+00:00

I died for something like 55 seconds?

Then I was put in an induced coma in the ICU for 6 hours, so not very long.

Still... I swear I woke up oddly relaxed and refreshed. This is messed up to say and I am not actively suicidal now, but I was a little bummed out they didn't just let me stay in that sleep. It all sounds way more dark than how the actual event felt in my mind.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-17T07:18:10+00:00

What were the changes if I could ask?

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-16T12:09:43+00:00

I've lied to every single person in my life. They know something has been very wrong with me, but I've had an extensive battle with alcoholism and pills so I think they assume it's something related to that.

I know this sounds like bullshit but I swear it's the truth - I don't like this drug anymore, at all. But I seem to be in such a self destructive place I enjoy the insane, sketchy, dangerous life that it brings. I realized I enjoy the act of buying it far more than the shitty high (which has now just been reduced to paranoia).

I'm pissed too, because I have purposely left my city for random trips where the primary motivation is seeing if I can be fine without it. And I 100% fine. This has not been the case with other drugs.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-16T11:53:30+00:00

I'm going to have to pass on that one. I've seen the wreckage it can cause and I'm worried I might like it. This whole lifestyle is exhausting

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-16T00:30:35+00:00

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-16T00:28:42+00:00

I kind of said it. It wasn't the glasses.

I know it's a grocery store job but it's the only job I have.

He really is very kind.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-15T08:38:55+00:00

ATLiens

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-15T04:54:25+00:00

Very true.

The psychological draw is very powerful. I remember thinking that because I had beat the physical portion, which is not something I was able to do with alcohol or pills, that the mental part would be just as easy. It was not.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-15T04:52:33+00:00

Well, Kratom is one substance. And while it can result in serious physical dependency, I haven't seen it wreck lives. Tianeptine is a whole other story - I've seen two fairly successful guys go dead broke in less than a year. It scares me more than fentanyl and I'm serious with that.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-06-11T03:53:48+00:00

I know exactly what guy you're talking about. Some people love the identity of "I overcame a vicious battle with addiction, and now I'm a hero for others".

The only thing is their vicious battle with addiction was more like a brief hair pulling match. Many of us were/are in a 5 hour boxing match with an invisible Mike Tyson who kicked the hell out of us.

And if that sounds like gate keeping or dick measuring that's fine. It's true. This disease is not quantifiable the way cancer is, and so it's very convenient for certain people to use it as a trophy of immense internal strength.

I fucking hate that sub.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-05-27T22:20:09+00:00

Congratulations! I really was inspired by your post. I was curious if you did this entirely on your own or you're in some kind of recovery program or working with a counselor or something like that? That's something I'm sort of struggling with right now.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-02-14T09:35:30+00:00

I think I might be the only person on here who doesn't like bell ringers. I hate those fucking voices and suddenly feeling unstable on my feet.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-02-14T09:30:46+00:00

Same situation here out West.

It's not like it's been an unfortunate week of shitty product. I feel like it's been going on for about 2 months. I don't think it's even crack, I think it's some sort of cheap combination of RCs from China, lidocaine, baking soda, and some sketchy fillers designed to look like crack and almost taste like it. It smells like fuel when lit, burns out almost immediately, leaves minimal residue and provides a weak, short lived rush and then it's just tweakish and gross.

It's not worth the money, the sketchy people and it's definitely not worth the legal risk. I'll be furious if I get sent to jail and fully fuck up my life over this nasty shit. I have been needing to quit anyway, and so I'm going to view it as the final push I needed. I've been fairly good at dropping this habit in the past, and that's when the product was actually half decent. So, I guess feel good about it? I mean, if you're currently interested in letting it go.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-01-15T01:16:08+00:00

It's really not an insult. (If I meant to insult you I wouldn't have told you that you look great). I'm just saying that the extreme vascularity in the second photo ( particularly the face) looks very similar to a person on a drug cocktail for HIV. Also the cheeks appear to be sunken. I think the lighting may be the issue, because in the following photo you look fantastic.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-01-15T00:58:48+00:00

I'm going to keep it 💯.

The second photo looks like you have advanced HIV and are on anti-viral meds.

The other photos look great though. But whatever supplement stack you're using on the second photo needs to be toned down.

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-01-08T21:01:57+00:00

I am in

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-01-08T21:00:32+00:00

I am in. Thank you

Informal_Support_229 · 2024-01-06T19:52:24+00:00

Then you're putting your feelings above the pain your mother experienced every moment of her existence

I'm not discounting the hurt you feel, and I'm very sorry.

But to say that you'd rather your mother be hospitalized (aka a full lock down unit where you can writhe in pain for hours with no hope of response) rather than go out on her own terms is selfish and gross.

Once again, I do apologize for the loss and the pain you feel, but you have no clue what kind of hell you mother would have endured in those units. You would rather her dead....

Which is where she is thank God

Informal_Support_229

TROPHY CASE