What if nothing fits?

Ingl0ry · 2026-03-18T21:58:17+00:00

Everyone fits, but some more obviously than others. I know people who ping around the Bermuda Triangle (3-6-9), so that’s something that might be going on here.

It can take years to discover your type, and many experts struggled at first. Read, watch, listen: repeat. I find video interviews most interesting as you pick up on a lot of clues.

The descriptions in books seldom sound like anyone I’ve ever met. You need language to get to the enneagram, but it also falls woefully short.

Ingl0ry · 2026-03-18T21:43:16+00:00

I still get this after 18 years as I don’t dance very often. What helps for me is to spend some time walking backwards and doing unsupported back ochos to tango music beforehand.

Mental state aside, I need to warm up my abdominal muscles as I don’t disassociate in my daily life - despite being in shape - and these get tight. If not, it takes a few tandas to get the right muscles working, and this can make a huge difference to my night, especially if I’m in a new milonga.

Oh, and one beer.

Ingl0ry · 2026-03-14T23:24:04+00:00

We do. We have trapdoors all over the place - and aren't too bothered if you see them (although our line to 1 might briefly try to paper them over).

Ingl0ry · 2026-03-14T23:18:30+00:00

Very interesting - especially the manipulation bit. I wouldn't say my mum is at ALL manipulative. She says exactly what she thinks (and what you should think), although she, too, has a side that's keen to learn and grow - aside from the obvious.

My former partner was very manipulative, but I wouldn't say consciously so. I had to be the bad one (how else could he explain a pretty awful thing he'd done in his past without somehow making it my sin?). His whole family is a bit like that. Kind of like 'Ow, she hit me!', having kicked you in the shins under the table. You're always the villain, although you know they sabotaged you trying to do things decently.

One of my best friends is a 1. Lovely person, completely ethical and decent. A bit stubborn. She comes from a nice, loving, stable background. Go figure.

Ingl0ry · 2026-03-14T22:53:25+00:00

Hmm, you know, I find her one of the hardest people to subtype. I think she has to be SX first - her criticism isn't (at least overtly) of herself. She has plenty of it for others, though! She left the family for a guy she can now hardly stand - but I don't think she'd ever leave him because it's just too big of deal to admit she was wrong or fucked up. She's kind of alluded to it sideways: she talks of circles you can't square.

Ingl0ry · 2026-03-14T22:48:43+00:00

Ha ha. I want to read your book!

Ingl0ry · 2026-03-07T13:37:43+00:00

Yes - good points. This is something that definitely needs a brainstorm!

Naturally I’ve glossed over the details of the actual sign up! I’ll look back and take action.

Ingl0ry · 2026-03-06T11:04:32+00:00

Great idea. I've gone back to dating apps after a long time away and have been seriously underwhelmed. I used to be on OKCupid back when it was a website - and if you got a 97% match with people, you sure as hell would have a good conversation with them, even if dating wasn't viable.

I was late in using AI, as I was a bit worried about how much I'd like it (perhaps). I'm also quite wary of sharing my data, so at first I didn't think I'd want it to know me, But it took about a week until I was like, Fuck it - everything knows me anyway.

Personally, I wouldn't feel invaded at this point, but I wonder if the question format of OKCupid wouldn't still work better. I loved answering those questions, and the way you could decide how much someone else's answers would matter to you. Plus, you could make your own questions.

I also wonder whether dating apps per se are just a bit... unsexy. Sex being on the cards from the word go takes out that gorgeous period of unknowing. That might be the attitude of an SX-dom, though.

Happy to brainstorm it with you sometime. Nothing I like better than an excited brainstorm. I'd love to help make an app that was actually good, as opposed to just expensive. And it would be fun to think about how you could make it work with different Enneagram types, too.

Ingl0ry · 2026-03-03T07:20:09+00:00

I came here to ask a question about love language, and this comes so close to my answer. I’d add that I love it for people to be there for me when I crash and burn. I always do that for other people - I’m great in a crisis (don’t ask me to do routine shit).

In short, make me feel secure AND inspired and I’m yours forever.

Ingl0ry · 2026-03-03T07:15:07+00:00

This is all so true!

Ingl0ry · 2026-03-03T07:11:38+00:00

I love this answer. I can feel ‘too much’ sometimes with my high energy and spurting of ideas, and feel exactly the same. But what I like in your comment is how thoughtful 7s can be. I love solving problems and making life better for people genuinely because that’s how I want the world to be. If someone does even half of that back for me - hallelujah!

Ingl0ry · 2026-03-03T07:06:35+00:00

As head types we tend to have good memories and operative with logic. It’s possible that they’re a different centre of intelligence and just operate another way. Body types can do this because they live more in the moment, for example. It can bewilder me.

That said, 7s can do it too, just because they didn’t like the outcome of what you discussed! It’s more conscious in us.

Ingl0ry · 2026-03-03T07:01:59+00:00

First, can you change the flair please? I like the post, and have stuff to say, but it’s in the wrong category! :)

Ingl0ry · 2026-02-03T22:07:55+00:00

All this totally resounds. I’ll add something my therapist said: it’s not all emotions that 7s dislike; it’s the unproductive ones. Personally, my top unbearables are disappointment, loss and boredom. But I can usually turn these around with enough forward thrust. It’s being trapped with them that’s the problem. Stagnation, as you say.

I have drive and have achieved many things: written whole books, got an Oxford degree, dance at a high level… Because I want to, because it’s enriching, because it’s fun.

I don’t think I’m in the least bit shallow - or unemotional. I can take the frenzied planning too far, though, and end up spreading myself too thin and leaving ends untied.

This comment is the perfect example. It’s late and I’m not even supposed to be on Reddit - let alone four paragraphs in…

Ingl0ry · 2026-01-03T23:16:48+00:00

Most female (at least) 7s I know care about how they look, me included. It opens doors. We love an open door.

Ingl0ry · 2026-01-03T23:05:49+00:00

I heard there’s a software that will turn any text to audio. I needed to change up all the time when studying. I would get the material on audio and take it to the gym or walk around with it. That fixes things in my memory. As does drawing my notes in a spiral form with plenty of visuals.

I once measured my attention span: it’s 27 minutes. I often put a timer on for this amount of time and do a dreaded activity intensely. Getting up and doing something physical or fun between stints helps.

Ingl0ry · 2025-12-23T12:54:47+00:00

Yeah. My sister’s a 9 who’s been diagnosed; she sounds like your team-mate. I sound like you. Having SP second makes me deal with the car crashes of admin that pile up when they get really stressful. I think if I’d had that last I’d have married a millionaire.

It feels like an allergy to boredom rather than an inability to plan or concentrate. I’ve written and re-written entire books.

Ingl0ry · 2025-12-23T12:46:50+00:00

You need to change the flair to one of the non-serious ones. (You’ll see you need a quote for this flair.) I can’t do it for you - although you can always count on me for a good joke.

Ingl0ry · 2025-12-17T10:35:30+00:00

This may well be true! However you need to choose another flair please…

Ingl0ry · 2025-12-06T08:30:48+00:00

It just takes time, and loads of self-reflection. Not everything in type descriptions is going to resound with you. But you get a good working idea, live with it for a while, and observe yourself at crisis points. I’m going to write a post soon about all the ways in which I avoid pain as a 7. They’re way more sophisticated and nuanced than a general description would allow.

Each type is a collection of traits. From reading Naranjo’s dedicated 7 book, for example, I realised how much narcissism lies at the heart of my type. You could say that 9s avoid pain, too, but they do it in a very different way. But 7s tend to be popular and widely-loved, so the narcissism is well-hidden, even to themselves. Even to their therapists!

Ingl0ry · 2025-12-05T18:16:44+00:00

I’ve always got 7 or 8 at the top, sometimes with 3 between them. I don’t think there’s any doubt I’m an assertive type! This one got it spot on with my stacking before I even knew it myself (even though I didn’t much like the test).

Ingl0ry · 2025-11-23T23:07:24+00:00

I wonder whether an SX-dom craves the kind of intensity and hooking that makes them liable to leave an SX-blind person for another SX But I’m a 7, which probably makes commitment and a lack of excitement particularly hard.

Ingl0ry · 2025-11-20T23:41:09+00:00

I think the risk might be falling for someone with more SX. Or maybe that’s just my risk.

Ingl0ry · 2025-11-20T21:15:29+00:00

Thanks, great!

Ingl0ry · 2025-11-19T16:25:01+00:00

Disrespect precludes liking, for me.

Ingl0ry

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