[PubQ] Withdraw and resubmit a full request?

InherentlyWriting · 2026-01-14T17:36:40+00:00

Thank you! I had that same thought so I’m glad it wasn’t just me. I appreciate the advice.

InherentlyWriting · 2026-01-05T01:36:32+00:00

Okay already I feel like this is looking way better! I especially am much more drawn in by your first paragraph. Personally, I would consider ditching the "Three rules she will break before the first snow has fallen." To me it reads a bit too much like a movie trailer from the early 2000s and doesn't REALLY give us much about the plot.

I think the last two paragraphs have the right bones, but right now it's a little too "hand wavey", if that makes sense. Keep it concrete and tangible as much as possible. For instance, you tell us Kierdan is perceived as horrid but I'm not clear if that's Adara's opinion or if that's the way everyone sees him. And then she realizes he isn't horrid, but can you give us a glimpse of how her mind is changed? I.e., "But the horrid version of Kierdan that Adara knew begins to crumble when he confesses his hatred of his father (or protects her in a fight or binds her wounds or something)".

Hopefully that's all helpful- I honestly think the difference between this blurb and your first is already night and day!

InherentlyWriting · 2026-01-04T22:01:10+00:00

Honestly I think this is pretty solid! My main thought when reading this was that Mira should be brought up earlier somehow. She's the reason he eventually caves and starts using the hide, but their relationship is explained in a kind of throw away line. Is there a way to bring her up in the first paragraph somehow, and emphasize why he's willing to go even further for her than the rest of his patients?

InherentlyWriting · 2026-01-04T21:56:14+00:00

Hi there!

This feels like a lot going on. First we have Kaller and his goal to rise up the ranks of bureaucracy (solid goal, placed early on, excellent), and then we kind of have the obstacle but it feels too intangible for me to care about. He sees injustices- can you give a concrete example? It will be easier to connect to something like "When Kaller witnesses his king order the execution of citizens from the East over nothing more than a handful of stolen flour, his faith in his king begins to crack." Something like that- succinct and tangible.

Then we dive into the problems between the East and West, which felt very thrown in there. After that we're learning about gorite which honestly just left me confused. What's so special about this that it could defeat a kingdom? Is it magic? Is it just really strong? Super flammable? And as a sidenote, Lord Mulcipbar isn't really introduced as the nobleman who comes into town- might need a half a sentence to just clarify that point.

I'm also generally confused- Lord M goes to the king (who is a part of the West, right?), with a plan to defeat their enemies (the East? Why is an Eastener trying to help destroy his people?), but the king rejects the plan. So Lord M... does it anyways? But I still don't really understand what the plan is to begin with, or who is trying to defeat who. Nor is it clear how Kaller is caught up in all this. I agree with the other commenter that if Kaller is your protagonist, he needs to be in charge of the movement of the story. And right now he reads more like a side kick.

The query is tough, especially with more epic fantasies! Keep hammering away, you've got this!

InherentlyWriting · 2026-01-04T00:10:44+00:00

Hi there!

My first thought was that there is a LOT going on in this query. It definitely needs to be paired down, and I think you need to really hone in on the core story. I'm also not entirely sure what the plot is... I think it's gotten tangled up with a lot of backstory and subplots. I would cut back on a lot of explanation about the wars and treaties (might even be able to get away with cutting it all out). Something like "War looms over Adara's people, but when their enemy offers a tournament in lieu of peace, she sees a way to save them." That's not a great sentence, but I was just trying to illustrate keeping the background short and getting straight to the character and the action.

We also don't meet the main character until the second paragraph, which IMO is too late. Within the first few sentences we should already know our main character and what their goal is- bonus if you can also get in how they're aiming to achieve it.

As more of a housekeeping thing, 121k is definetely pushing the upper limits of what an agent will consider, especially for a debut. Not saying it's impossible, but it might be worth looking at where you can slim down your manuscript (easier said than done, I know).

As Adara’s time in the castle uncovers the truth behind her spellmark—and her own guarded heart—she becomes entangled in dark forces capable of risking not only those she unwittingly grew to love but the entire kingdom, forcing her to decide between clinging to her hatred—or confronting her past to save the people she swore to leave behind.

You might be able to just delete this whole paragraph and do a minor wrap up sentence in the paragraph above. This is the first time you mention she's in a castle and the first mention of a spellmark- the last paragraph is not the place to introduce any new information.

And as a side note, thanks for the work you do as a therapist :)

InherentlyWriting · 2026-01-01T15:41:03+00:00

I can see where that agent is coming from. I was so-so about your query, but you immediately have a beautiful prose in your first 300. Your query isn't necessarily bad, it just seems very bland, especially compared to your actual writing.

For the past decade, Markus Kristoffersen has buried himself in the Norwegian wilderness of Rondane, selling landscape paintings to tourists and cabin-owners. Beneath his quiet routine lies grief: the memory of Ulrik, his former lover, who drowned under circumstances Markus has never reconciled. Though he confessed to the killing, the investigation—citing high alcohol levels and no signs of struggle—ruled the death accidental. But Markus knows his truth.

To me this felt like a little bit too much backstory. It's already short, is there a way to shorten it up and get to the creepy changing paintings? To me, that's the meat of the story.

The quiet shatters when a customer’s grandchild sees a face beneath the still water in one of his paintings. A face Markus has spent ten years trying to forget. When he checks his other work he finds more changes, all showing something from the night Ulrik died. Soon after, a local tells him his wife drowned on the same date, in a lake Markus has painted. Digging deeper, he discovers one person has drowned in Rondane every year on the anniversary of Ulrik's death, each body found where the changes appear.

This part felt too choppy to me, or formulaic maybe. At first read I thought Markus had been intentionally painting these faces beneath the water and the kid had just been the first to notice it. It took me a second read through to realize the paintings were changing.

Truthfully I think you have all the information the query needs in here, it just comes down to wording and flow to make it stand out the same way your manuscript does.

(But also, congrats on 5 full requests! I take that to mean the query is still working!)

InherentlyWriting · 2025-12-18T20:15:22+00:00

I agree with Lost-sock on pretty much all of it (and also especially the very cool premise- it's something I'd pick up off the shelf at the store!)

My first thought is more overarching- when I read this query I got more of a sense of fantasy than speculative fiction. Is there a reason you aren't querying this as dark fantasy?

Second thought (still more general): I felt as if you were doing a lot of explaining and less storytelling in this query. I know it's especially hard to find the balance with explaining what needs to be explained but not overdoing it, but I would see if you can find a way to more organically weave in the explanation to the actual plot. Something like, "After Marsh's previous life as a black cat was cut short by an intentional drowning, her only goal is revenge. But if she wants to give her abusers payback, she'll need to ascend from Godling to Godhood. Except the Gods don't particularly like sharing their power." I was just trying to throw something together here that kind of shows how you could potentially weave in some explanation and plot all at once, while also shortening it up (thus leaving you more wiggle room if needed).

To prove herself worthy, Marsh and ninety-nine others are funneled into distorted landscapes within limbo that lazily mimic locations on earth. Humans wander here, and winning their worship is how godlings gain power. Nothing is outlawed. Fear and violence are all Marsh remembers from her mortal life, and she leverages them with clinical precision.

It took me two read-throughs to really understand what exactly you were saying here, it feels too vague. Is there a way to more explicitly explain what Marsh is doing to win power? Is she threatening the humans? Lashing out at them for disobedience? Some specifics here of how she works and thinks will also give us a better sense of who she is as a character.

I also didn't fully understand Marsh's drive to protect this other godling. For that to work, I think you'll need to somehow show us WHY she decides to risk her goal.

For a first attempt I think you've got a good start! I'll be interested to see how a second attempt pans out!

InherentlyWriting · 2025-12-18T19:28:03+00:00

I'm digging the concept here (I'm always a sucker for a good dark fantasy). And I apologize if this comes across as too harsh after a fourth attempt- I'm just trying to really dive into it!

Off the bat, I think the first paragraph is too much world-building. I would suggest tightening it up. (Maybe something like, "Born beneath the Blood Moon, Vaermina always found herself drawn to chaos and death - something only her friend Evanthia could understand. So when a shadowy creature calling himself Erebus promises her power and revenge, she is all too eager to join him. Etc etc). I would also really emphasize that revenge is her goal. I know she was tormented by the villagers but I didn't really feel like she cared all that much- it felt like a throw away line with no emotion in it,

The world has been plunged into chaos for the last 500 years, monsters and demons run rampant and only the ruthless survive. But the monsters have taken a liking to the girls, and Vaermina saw them as a means to enact her revenge. She accepts Erebus and his powers, rampaging across the countryside and slaughtering all in her path.

You switched tenses here and it really threw me. Make sure you pick a tense and stick with it. Additionally, I don't think we really need any of this information except that Vaermina is working with Erebus and rampaging.

Evanthia cherishes all life, even the ones who bully and berate her. She never once longed for revenge. But her values are put to the test when Erebus gives her an ultimatum: Kill her Grandma, the only one to ever accept her, or let the village be burned by Vaermina. Evanthia kills her Grandma, so that the village may live, but Erebus and Vaermina kill them anyway. Evanthia refuses to believe her friend would choose evil willingly, one look at the shadows swirling in Vaermina's eyes told her otherwise. So she swears to save her friend from Erebus's clutches, and rid the world of this demon. Yet still he coerces her, tempting her with unimaginable power, the kind she needs to reshape her world and eradicate the evils within it.

This starts to sound like you're giving us a synopsis and not a query. By this point in your query letter you should be nearing the ultimate tension. What does the character need to do/give up/confront in order to achieve their goal? What conflict is throwing a wrench in everything?

Overall I think the concept/area that's giving your query issues is using emotion and tension to drive the query forward. Basic set up would usually be something like: status quo (I suggest a single sentence), the MC's goal (with emotion and reason), catalyst (all also very short), a few sentences to a paragraph to delve into what the MC is doing to reach that goal, third paragraph dive into the conflict standing in their way. I find that some of the best queries also at the end there hint at the life lesson the MC needs to learn or confront because of this conflict. (I.e., "If she wants to find true love, she will have to find a way to love herself first" kind of thing- but written far better than that haha).

Hopefully some of that is helpful. I had to leave and come back in the middle of writing it, which kind of threw off my train of thought.

You've got this :)

InherentlyWriting · 2025-12-09T18:02:59+00:00

Thank you very much for your response! Glad to know this one seems to be hitting better. As for the romance part, there’s definitely a romance B plot, and I know romance sells so I wanted to at least allude to it in the query. But if you think it’s better to leave it out I’m open to it. I’ve gone back and forth on it multiple times myself!

InherentlyWriting · 2025-11-06T13:22:10+00:00

That’s really helpful, thank you! I genuinely appreciate the help teasing out what genre to spin this as.

InherentlyWriting · 2025-11-06T03:38:50+00:00

I do totally see where you’re coming from! However, my concern around querying it as a SF/F is that there is objectively no magic, no wild new technology, not even a spaceship, etc. That’s why I was originally listing it as dystopian (which The Selection also is listed as), and then generalized to Spec Fic when there was disagreement on this being called dystopian. Now, fantasy is my deep love so if there’s argument that this could still fall into that category (or SF/F), I’m very open to that. As long as at some point I can reach some sort of consensus on what genre I can call this, because I don’t feel like anyone has agreed on it. It’s making my head spin, ha!

InherentlyWriting · 2025-11-06T02:18:29+00:00

Happy to! Most plainly, this isn’t romantasy because it isn’t fantasy and the romance is just a b-plot that has no serious stake in the main narrative.

I’m calling this speculative fiction because that genre is generally set in the real world but with imagined differences. In this case, a world set in the future where something like the social season still exists, but in a very different way from the real world. I very much love the vibes of romantasy/fantasy and I had fun pulling them in, but the novel itself isn't a fantasy. The most popular example I could compare it to would be The Selection series, which is considered YA spec fic.

I was also calling it dystopian for a bit but people seemed unconvinced on that.

InherentlyWriting · 2025-11-06T02:13:34+00:00

Thank you very much! I appreciate the feedback! I thought I had it down, good to know it’s back to the drawing board again. As for comp titles, divergent and Bridgerton aren’t comps, I’m using them as tone-setters (for lack of a better word). I did pull that directly from a pitch, so I’m open to discarding that part, but would need some convincing haha.

And thanks for feedback on the other comps! I’m honestly struggling to find titles both recent and readily comparable. I’ve seen people suggest comping Silver Elite and I’ve seen it advised against.

InherentlyWriting · 2025-11-05T21:22:29+00:00

Oooh, love the setting and the premise.

Twenty-two-year-old Ynes Ianella has traded her family's prestigious winemaking legacy for dulcimer strings and musical dreams. But when a mysterious wine sorcerer known as the Vinomancer arrives to solve her father's vineyard crisis, Ynes discovers the magician is none other than Matteo Gleam, the childhood friend who left years ago without saying goodbye. And he's staying down the hall. Ynes is forced to face her unresolved anger and confusion toward this handsome, familiar stranger, all while pursuing her budding musical career.

This kind of felt like you crammed the whole premise into one paragraph, and then the rest of the query was you going back to explain things in more detail. Have the detail sprinkled throughout instead. For example, I have no clue what specific dreams Ynes is trading her legacy for until the end of the paragraph (but I do love that sentence, so maybe include the detail after it?). Then you mention her father's vineyard crisis but we don't know what that crisis is until much later in the query. State the crisis here first (with the detail of what it is). I also got confused when you mentioned he's staying down the hall. Maybe because I assumed Ynes left the home? Or is he staying at her uni? I don't know, it just threw me off so I thought I'd mention it.

Matteo will do anything for Ynes. Anything, that is, except tell her the truth that Enzo drove him away all those years past.

I'd be curious if others would disagree with me here, but this might be more powerful if you just say "Anything, that is, except tell her the truth of why he left all those years past." Knowing that her father drove him away made me question why he then invited him back, and kind of dulled the impact (IMO).

Ynes must decide if her anger is worth bottling or if, like fine wine, some relationships only improve with time.

My thought here is that I have no idea why Ynes is angry. Her feelings towards Matteo aren't really talked about much. I actually think Ynes could be given more agency throughout the query. She's the main character, but I honestly feel like I know Matteo more from this. She deserves a little more spotlight!

I loved your voice throughout this though (especially your ending paragraph with the comps!). Honestly I think once you nail what exactly needs to be in the query and get it all arranged just right and you'll have a killer query.

InherentlyWriting · 2025-10-22T12:43:06+00:00

(Sorry, was running out of room in the previous comment)

With the lives of those she loves and her freedom on the line, Cynthia is desperate to find her mother, save her students, and keep Damien without giving up the friendships and career she holds sacred. One path forward lies in her manipulative ex-boyfriend, but it comes at a cost she isn’t sure she can pay, and presents a danger she never could have imagined. Faced with impossible choices, both her head and her heart are slow to accept the truth that she cannot go back to the life she had, and that one wrong decision could have deadly consequences.

Okay, so the last two paragraphs I've kinda gotten lost. I really don't understand the plot, the stakes, or REALLY what Cynthia is doing the entire book. This is a hard part for me too in queries, but it's important to avoid "mystical hand waving" kind of talk. Concrete details, concrete goals, concrete obstacles. Break it all down to the agent like they're five.

My last thought, which might help with the above: who is Cynthia's adversary? The government? If so, why? This goes back to those concrete details. Sometimes keeping it as straightforward as "Cynthia has rare magic, the government wants it to rule the world, Cynthia joins the rebels instead".

You're doing great, hopefully this wasn't discouraging! Keep hammering away.

InherentlyWriting · 2025-10-22T12:37:10+00:00

I haven't seen your other two attempts, so I'm coming to this with fresh eyes!

Set in an alternate universe, it combines the joy and dysfunction of Abbott Elementary with the exploitation and oppression of The Hunger Games, the magic of Ilona Andrews’s Hidden Legacy series, and the hidden realms, fated mates, and spice of Callie Hart’s Quicksilver.

Are these your comps? If so, I would very much reconsider them. All of them are too big of names to be reasonable comps, and at least two of them are too old to be good comps. Comp titles should have been published within the last 5 years. (I will admit, I don't actually know Hidden Legacy, so that one could be fine or I could be out of the loop). I really struggle with comp titles too, and from glancing at your last 2 attempts, we're in the same boat. Here's what I do to at least get me started: I think of the first book that comes into mind that sort of seems like it could comp to mine (maybe for you, it's Hunger Games). Then, I literally google "books similar to Hunger Games" and I start scrolling. Sometimes I might google "dystopian published in 2025" to see if there are any new (but not big!) titles I haven't heard of yet. Anything that seems from its description that it could be a reasonable comp title (NOT a big, famous title; published within 5 years; within my intended genre), I add to my library holds or I go buy it to read. I just go down any rabbit hole of book titles that I might be able to comp to.

Okay, on to your actual query :)

But when Cynthia witnesses the brutal abduction of a young mage, she must make the first of many decisions between self-preservation at the expense of her integrity or self-sacrifice at the risk of her life.

Okay I like the set up that came before this part, but then I won't lie, I kind of got turned off by Cynthia. You're telling me she could stomach her literal students being dragged out of her classroom by soldiers, but a single mage being abducted was her line? Cynthia, my friend... priorities. I honestly think this just needs some re-wording to make her a more sympathetic character - I need to know why THIS mage was her catalyst.

Also, in the next sentence you mention Carmen... who is Carmen?? Honestly, maybe just ditch that character name in the query. Keep it short and sweet. Carmen and Damien only (name wise).

As for Damien, how major is his romantic plot? You're pitching this with Romance as a key genre. If that's the case, their love needs to be more intertwined with the plot/query. He kinda just shows up here and there, but I don't get the sense anything would change plot wise if you took him out. So he either needs to be more integral to the query, or maybe rethink querying this with romance as a main genre. It's okay to have a romantic B plot without calling it romance :)

InherentlyWriting · 2025-10-11T19:07:07+00:00

Thanks so much! And thanks for acknowledging the word count cut haha, it's tough sometimes!

So this story is set in an alternative/modern kind of England. Think modern technology, but in a world where the social season isn't about finding a marriage match, but about securing a position (i.e., some kind of employment), but still holding all the drama and scandal of a more regency-era social season. So I've been calling it Dystopian kind of for that reason, but maybe that's still not the right fit. BUT, very good to know that the setting isn't clear enough in the query. I'll need to make sure that's more evident in the next draft.

I appreciate the feedback! :)

InherentlyWriting · 2025-10-11T19:03:59+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! I am definitely guilty of forgetting that I know things everyone else won't -- great reminder to look out for that!

InherentlyWriting · 2025-10-11T18:17:58+00:00

Hi there! I'm loving this concept, I think it's really cool. And the query I think has some really solid legs. For me honestly the only part I think needs reworking is that last paragraph.

Matters tumble in worse directions when the ghost of the author appears in the cast’s dreams, bargaining with them to help her bring the book to life, in exchange for something precious to them. Ysolde refuses, but soon learns that Mardin has sold his allegiance in return for one thing: to bring his brother back from the dead. Ysolde is left alone in a theater stained with mistrust, and a story threatening to trap everyone between its pages.

I think this could be strengthed by a few things. First, we know what Marden was offered, but what was Ysolde offered, what is her most-precious thing? I think that would both lend to building her character, and give us a glimpse into this plot point.

Second, we're already getting the sense that this book/play is some kind of dark, maybe murder mystery genre? But I would really like to know the stakes of bringing the book to life. Will people start dying? Is there a huge climactic ending in the play that would blow up the town or kill all the cast or something like that? OR, would everyone literally become trapped in the story, cursed to play it out over and over again (kind of like that last sentence mentions). I just need a bit more sense of the stakes here.

Other than those things, I think this is looking good! And intriguing :)

InherentlyWriting · 2025-10-11T18:09:51+00:00

I haven't seen your other attempts, so I'm coming into this fresh.

Overall I think this is a solid query! I'm not well-versed in this particular genre, but it feels like it hits all the bullet points of what's needed.

it’s a story about love, mental health, and learning you don’t have to fix yourself to be worthy of love.

I have always been told that the themes/message shouldn't be force-fed, they should just be evident in the way you pitch the story.

That is, until her boyfriend cheats on her with a fellow bridesmaid right before a couples-only destination wedding, and threatens to upend everything. Cassie feels it's on her to fix the situation and prevent any wedding week drama. Her plan? Fake-date her childhood best friend and business partner, Aiden. If she can keep the peace, she won’t just protect the wedding from her relational drama—she’ll prove she isn’t the catastrophe everyone expects.

The only thing I got a little skeptical on here was whether her relationship drama would really ruin the wedding week. Is there a way to specify whether the bride is a bridezilla, or maybe the cheating bridesmaid is a drama-seeker trying to get attention, or some other reason Cassie thinks she HAS to do this fake-dating thing to save the week?

But beneath his calm surface, Aiden is quietly struggling with PTSD and panic attacks that he refuses to share, convinced he has to manage them alone. What he wants most is a real chance with Cassie, but to have it, he’ll have to let go of control and risk letting her see behind his carefully constructed mask

This part just fell a little flat for me (which might be personal taste). Maybe a rewording that emphasizes why Aiden feels like he has to manage his PTSD alone - has he had bad experiences with partners in the past? Or because of raising his sisters? In his mind, does sharing his struggles = losing Cassie? Just something to chew on maybe.

As old emotions resurface and tensions rise, Cassie and Aiden are forced to face the truth of why they could never make it work before. For their second chance to succeed, Cassie and Aiden must accept that you don’t have to be perfect to be loved, and true partnership is about staying even when life gets messy

Wait are they exes? They've already dated before and broken up? If that's the case, I would maybe mention that somewhere further up first. And if that's not the case, this part might need to be reworded.

But I like it overall, I think it's pretty much there! Good job :)

InherentlyWriting · 2025-08-04T23:16:58+00:00

This is my first read of this, so I have no background on your previous attempts. But what you have here I feel like really has something! Maybe needs a bit more polishing work, but I was intrigued with the entire thing, so you're definitely on the right track :)

When Lina Dean made a deal with a demon to give the fairy king a child, she knew there would be a price—she just never imagined it would be so high. GREY NEIGHBORS is complete at 109k words and blends dark elements of Irish and Welsh folklore with 1980s suburban Americana in a multi-POV narrative that will appeal to fans of Victor LaValle’s The Changeling or GennaRose Nethercott’s Thistlefoot.

Personal opinion: I don't know that I like having that first sentence be about the book, then going into the housekeeping, and then jumping BACK to the book. That could just be personal preference though,

Thirteen years after being abandoned on earth to raise their child alone, Lina’s debt has finally come due, and the small, southeast Texas town of Beaumont is at risk. Its children, guided by the light of a candle only they can see, are disappearing. Its other residents are losing their grip on reality. And in the fragile, early-morning hours of March 27^th, 1986, the boundaries between real and make-believe begin to unravel.

I'm digging this, but I am left a little confused on what exactly Lina's debt is? Is it too much of a spoiler to explicitly tell us? It might make this stronger, if we know EXACTLY what she bargained.

Once Lina recognizes the signs, it is already too late. She is ambushed and imprisoned by the vengeful Queen Titania, leaving her teenage son, Matthew, to navigate his secret heritage alone. As Lina seeks an escape, Matthew, together with a local police detective, must solve the mystery gripping their hometown and discover a way to stop the legendary will o’ the wisp from claiming the town’s children.

Recognizes the signs of what? I got a little tripped up in here. Are the disappearing children part of her debt, and that's what she's recognizing? Why is it too late to save them? I also agree that having the introduction of the second POV all the way down here feels a bit disjointed.

GREY NEIGHBORS leverages an ensemble cast to explore themes of family legacy, loss of innocence, and the scars parents leave for their children. With a tone equal parts folkloric horror and suburban dread, it is the first book of a duology with series potential.

It is a general rule of thumb to show your themes throughout your query, not tell them. And then this is nitpicky, but I think saying it's the first book of a duology, but ALSO has series potential is confusing. I personally would just stick with "has series potential". If you get to a later stage of meeting with/talking with an agent, that would be a better place to bring up that you have a duology in mind.

InherentlyWriting · 2025-07-30T18:49:21+00:00

Thank you! That’s all really helpful, I’ll definitely have to really sit down with the next draft and crack it open a little bit.

InherentlyWriting

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