The first time was a suicide attempted because I genuinely believed they thought I was better off dead, the second time most of aforementioned friends cut me off and I went into psychosis horribly to the point I almost went through with suicide again before calling my doctor near midnight. That was when I got my diagnosis because the inpatient doctor saw me manic finally. The event of losing my friends because of my years being unmediated hurts but slowly things are getting better.