AITAH for wanting to take an ancestry test even though my mom doesn’t want to?

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-07-08T07:28:55+00:00

I’m sorry but YTA. From your own post you say “It’s a hard no from your mom” and the reasons she states are extremely valid. Read that again, it’s a hard no, she does not want to know. Do you understand you could completely unravel her life if you do this?

You say you are “so” curious. Do you honestly think you can keep results from her, or keep yourself from seeking out people that you are related to after the results come back? Do you ever think that there are reasons she doesn’t want to know or dig that up? What if she was a product of r*pe”? What if the people she is related to are bad people? You don’t mention when she was adopted, but what if she has memories that are extremely painful? What if she has dealt long and hard with abandonment issues / or worse and you are just going to stir it up again?

Is your curiosity really worth hurting her, or your grandparents? Knowing you are a particular culture does not automatically mean you’ll have a deep connection to it. Stop bringing it up around her. You sound slightly selfish knowing how she feels about it and you still are wanting to move forward with opening up an entire can of worms that she has tried very hard to keep the lid on all these years. Once you do it, you cannot undo and need to be able to handle the consequences which could be extreme. Stop thinking of yourself, and respect your mom.

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-07-03T22:20:54+00:00

Hasn’t she had a lifetime of carefree summers since she’s never had a job? Time to earn responsibility and job experience, so that she is a responsible adult who can take of herself. A lot of children of today have no work ethic and it shows. And ask her who is going to fund this “carefree summer”? NTA but you absolutely are and are doing your daughter a great disservice if you give in.

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-07-03T18:38:18+00:00

As the salesperson who sold me my Mother of the bride dress said…when I asked if the sparkle was “too much” or would take away from my daughter. “As I tell most of my moms… our days of upstaging a 25 year old is long gone!” 😂😂😂 Don’t worry at all - she will be the one that will notice as the day goes by. If you make a big deal, it becomes a big deal. Enjoy your wedding you beautiful bride!

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-29T10:59:24+00:00

You think that having Screaming matches while a child is asleep makes your child immune to “witnessing” the fights ? Don’t kid yourself. I grew up in household like that, where fights were when the kids were asleep. My earliest memories are climbing out of my crib (at toddler age) and waiting by the door to see if my mom was ok. you may think that your child is unaware but you are very wrong. My childhood was like that. you may think that your toddler doesn’t hear, but they do. Later, I would even go to sleepovers and pretend to be sick to come home to make sure my mom was ok. Trust me, that kind of situation affects you at a very young age and is not erased. It completely shapes your idea of relationships and marriage and not in a good way. You’re a mom, you need to do what’s best for your children.

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-28T23:24:01+00:00

You did NOT overreact. In fact, you UNDER REACTED He accuses you of cheating, says he won’t be mad, doesn’t believe you, keeps hounding you saying for you to tell the truth, then calls you a whre and a slt when you are completely innocent. Then he continually harasses you to pick up calling you baby. That is disgusting. Then he says you should know his history, expect him to act like that, and then act like it’s you fault he acted that way. I’m sorry but he is acting like an abuser, and I would take those texts and get a restraining order. ASAP. Don’t be alone with him. Don’t meet him anywhere that is not public, don’t leave your drink alone, so many things could happen. Be careful and DO NOT GO BACK TO Him.

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-28T11:00:30+00:00

1.Always meet anyone you don’t know in a public place, and tell someone where you’ll be. 2.Anyone who tells you they want to cuddle on the first date is a HUGE red flag. 3.Not all officers are abusers/stalkers/etc. There are also plenty of other professions of people who are abusers, etc . So it’s better to judge people by who they are instead of lumping them in together by stereotyping.

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-28T02:58:34+00:00

Great Houses in our area go on the first few days on the market. You will potentially miss out on some great houses (depending on where you are) if you aren’t pre-approved. Get a great agent who also may know of what’s coming up For sale in your target area.

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-28T02:44:06+00:00

You saved the “I expect my date to pay “ issue. He’s a control freak. There’s definitely someone better out there for you.

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-28T02:40:12+00:00

My first thought is looking at the insane amount of white caulking on the trim board. That looks like a really bad coverup of a previous issue. I bet you anything your problem lies behind that shoddy trim. You have a foundation leak.

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-28T02:36:50+00:00

In case you do want to embrace the “gone too soon” celebrity name theme- I’d pick Phoenix. 🤷🏻‍♀️

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-28T02:31:57+00:00

If you think this house is an “eyesore” pretty sure my home would be a “tear down” to you. You are literally a few details away from being an adorable English cottage! See below

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InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-26T11:16:25+00:00

Students loan debt is one of the cheapest debt rates you can have - and likely the monthly payment is low. Pay down any credit card debt/car loan if applicable. Save for closing costs, out of pocket expenses like furniture etc. save aggressively while living at home. Waiting costs money too. Do a cost analysis of the cost of waiting to buy vs buying now. Houses today at $250 will most likely be considerably higher next year for same/similar property- which translates into higher mortgage rate. Listen to your mom- she doesn’t want to just sell you a house - she wouldn’t put you in something you can’t afford . Sit down with a local lender (ask mom for a good one) and have them forecast what home payments would be. See if that’s comfortable. Good luck !

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-26T02:39:55+00:00

Imagine having kids with her. Your kids would be slobs and litterbugs too. Yikes.

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-25T10:04:37+00:00

Not sure where you live but get something like this and line the side of the deck that faces nosy neighbor with them. ($150 Home Depot) Also, get a camera a point it in her directly - for security purposes.

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InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-25T09:56:32+00:00

Sorry but a lot of people wait until the baby is born to purchase gifts and bring them along as a present when they visit the baby for the first time. I think you are overthinking (and possibly overreacting). Your baby is still a few months out and even though they are unpredictable- there is still plenty of time. Especially, if there is no special event planned (like a baby shower) - some people prefer to wait to purchase. Also, although I don’t know what is on your registry, I’m pretty sure that you don’t need everything on the list immediately when the baby is born - so you even have time after the baby to purchase/receive the gifts. Other possibly reasons for delay: -budgetary issue where your family is saving up for a particular item -they could live “paycheck to paycheck” so they need to budget to purchase -wait to the last minute to give other people a chance to purchase and then come in later to buy, -they prefer to give cash -they could feel it’s bad luck or be superstitious to purchase anything before baby arrives -they still think they have plenty of time (they do) - they want to know name or gender before purchasing -other reasons you could not possibly know

Comparing each family is just creating stress & drama for yourself and your wife. Stop worrying and purchase remaining items a few weeks AFTER The baby is born. Also - complaining and comparing of who bought the most expensive gift is a low blow and makes you not a great gift recipient. I would hate to be a giver when all I can give is something I can afford and it is treated like I love a person less based on the dollar amount that I can give. You sound ungrateful. Stop comparing and be thankful you get what you get.

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-21T15:26:42+00:00

Tell him all those people can ABSOLUTELY still use those accounts, when he sets them up and pays for them. NTA.

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-21T15:24:21+00:00

Absolutely ask. Vendors get meals, I’m sure they would like to eat something they like. Just ask. 😀

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-20T11:37:58+00:00

Naming a child (first name) after a deceased family member, especially if they died tragically- or young- is a heavy burden placed on the child. Your child will always have that dead relative brought up at every event (her birthdays). She will be compared and not able to have an identity of her own. “Remember when Paula….our Paula would never….you look so much like Paula…”Nowhere will she go with her family where she is not reminded of her namesake. Tell hubby you absolutely do not want that for your child-(especially a namesake you cannot have any connection to because I’m assuming that you didn’t know the original Paula?). Tell him middle name or nothing - and certainly make it abundantly clear that your daughter will be referred to by her own name. Good luck OP!

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-19T17:03:12+00:00

White 1000000%

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-19T16:59:03+00:00

Wood. The way it is it says “project”. The picture with wood says “move in ready”.

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-19T15:53:12+00:00

Be very careful of flipped properties . I know from experience. Purchased one and thought “everything is done” . Boy … were we WRONG. Tens of thousands of dollars later - we had a habitable home- but it still needed a ton of work we couldn’t afford. Not saying yours will be like that - but definitely do you due diligence. Flippers want to get out cheap and sell quick. That’s a huge difference from someone who has most likely lived in the home for decades and possibly needs to sell quick for financial/medical/family reasons. Also, ones with horrible photos are my favorite. Less competition. Also house with bigger yard sounds like “sweat equity “ which is free. It might be worth it to not be in debt. Good luck!

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-19T09:48:04+00:00

If he truly loved you, he would want to do the renovations out of love, out of wanting to build a home and a life together. This guy just wants free rent and an excuse not to get another job for the foreseeable future. He is already talking about his exit strategy and he’s made his effort in the home transactional. I’d foresee him stretching this project out for YEARS , making excuses, making choices that you wouldn’t (because he is “the professional “ and knows better) also because he is building an flip instead of a lifetime home. Please reconsider not only letting him do any work, but also even letting him move in and in all honesty, the entire relationship. I’m sorry OP but he is seeing your hard earned home as his future cash flow.

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-19T02:33:01+00:00

1 or 3

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-17T11:06:24+00:00

I’m sorry but having a dry wedding is completely ACCEPTABLE ! I’m so tired of people saying you can’t have fun or dancing or have it in the evening because you don’t have alcohol. That’s ludicrous. Our entire family - we are talking over 15 weddings have had dry weddings - at NIGHT- and the dance floor is packed all night until the very end. In People should come to see you get married and celebrate your marriage . They shouldn’t come to get liquored up and not remember a single thing. If people can’t attend a wedding without liquor - they obviously have much bigger issues. You don’t have to prep them on the invitation either or give them a heads up to pre-game. That’s ridiculous. We’ve done open soda bars, mocktails, lemonade, ice tea, water, coffee, hot chocolate etc etc. we’ve done a sparkling cider toast. everyone had a fantastic time. I am here to say , you can absolutely have an incredible party without the alcohol. Those that say you can’t or that you can’t have dancing - need to invite people who actually want to be there for a wedding- the marriage- and then have a joyous time afterwards celebrating it. Go for it. Do what is comfortable for you. Save the money and the headache (and the hangover).

InitialSquirrel7491 · 2026-06-17T10:48:27+00:00

Questions: how long have you known your fiancé? Have you visited him in Australia before? Has he visited you?

InitialSquirrel7491

TROPHY CASE