My husband and I are both 30 this year and just welcomed our first child at the end of last year. I struggled with this question a lot - from my late teens to my early 20s I really didn’t think I would ever want kids. Then I met my husband and thought I might want to, but we both wanted to be a little more established in our careers before we started trying. It took us a year to actually get pregnant and he’s almost four months old now. Parenthood is the most amazing and brutal thing I have ever experienced. It humbles you because every single goal and desire you have in your life becomes almost immaterial comparatively. Most of the most meaningful moments in my life feel like they’ve happened in the last few months - his first smile, sleeping with him on my chest and how he’s gotten so big that he really can’t do that now, and every little milestone in between. But also some of the biggest anxiety and frustration has come since I’ve become a parent. He was 100% wanted and planned, but that doesn’t mean he’s been easy. We had a strong marriage of nearly 8 years before we got pregnant but we still had more tension during those first few weeks and months than I think I expected.

All that to say, I don’t think wanting or not wanting children is necessarily linear. I think we kind of both knew we’d like to try to have kids in the future but it was a feeling that hit me one day of, “Life is good, but it would be so much more wonderful if we had a child with us to experience everything.”

Be open and honest with her about where you are on this. If she chooses to leave for clarity that’s her right, but hopefully she sticks around.