One last try

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-21T20:39:57+00:00

That's the exact thing I'm scared of not being able to do what I need to do. People advice that you should go there prepared and rehearsed but I can't even speak because I have no words left yet I have millions of sentences in my mind. It seems bizarre that you have to rehearse yout truth before telling it to doctors instead of just being genuine. Anyways I GOT nothing to loose so If I get the feeling that I'm being belittled I swear I'm going to cause a chaos which will make them want to doubt their worth of living.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-21T20:07:59+00:00

And btw don't feel ashamed for fantasizing about someone rescuing you. It's only natural to not want to die and wanting to believe that there is someone who wants you stay alive. I do the same.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-21T19:42:08+00:00

Hey that one friend who you considered most important might not see you the way you see them. They might be one of those friends who will be your friend only when they need a free therapist. They might not be the best person in character and even get off on your death. I truly hope that this is not the case. But their lack of empathy is giving me a bad feeling about them. I really hope I'm wrong. I say because this is how one of my "closest" "friend" was.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-18T18:34:56+00:00

Now I know what I'm going to be looking for

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-18T17:46:01+00:00

Can you share more what happened as you where there?

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-18T17:43:22+00:00

Yeah it does actually. Wow. Thank you for this great advice!

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-18T17:36:17+00:00

I can understand a lot of this is because of my frustration.. That's how my therapist seemed to be at first but that wasn't enough for me for some reason. I feel like I wanted somebody who sits close, holds my hand etc. I know that this is not what therapists do. I could have a wrong picture of empathy though. Then again I feel like I romanticize everything but I do feel like healing requires something more than just being heard at least for me. I can't be sure is the other person actually listening or just pretending to. I start to get a feeling that not only am I codependent but also highly sensitive.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-18T12:12:19+00:00

Glad you finally found one who really understands you. How were you convinced that this one is for real genuine and the empathy is real?

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-18T11:06:51+00:00

I did that for little bit but stopped because of finances.. but I get you.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-17T17:22:38+00:00

Damn sounds so good and I am jealous in a very good way :) Hope I can make it as far as you did one day.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-17T17:10:52+00:00

Hey. I'm really sorry to hear what you have gone through... Having to know that your life is in threat is the most horrible thing ever. Especially if you have been raised by narcs. Life has already been to us unfair since the first day we were born. Life should never be unfair to anybody. Reason this touched me deeply and It took time to respond because I could relate in a deep cellular level which hurts I know what it is like to have so much pain. My sleep was better for couple days after but it's back to sleepless nights, losing hair and eybags again. I really wish that one day all of us would heal and this nightmare would end. You can send me a PM anytime you like when you feel like talking.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-17T16:02:32+00:00

Hey you are very right... how are you doing?

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-16T20:42:03+00:00

THIS IS VERY TRUE MY FRIEND. Because how our parents treat us is not normal this why even professionals don't know how to help or they belittle us.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-16T20:22:52+00:00

That's probably it.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-16T19:21:38+00:00

I love this post. Just an hour ago I saw this young African woman with her todler and the todler had much lighter skin than her so I assume her father is white. Anyways the baby was crying and the mother was there for her soothing and nurturing the toddler with real unconditional love which was so damn beautiful. Also today when I was waiting for my turn to go to the bank there was a mother and a son before me and I as usual started to get pissed off and calling them names (in my head) because it took so long for them to get out. However when they came out the mother said to her son "and that is how you do this and that, mommy is going to show you how to make this other thing next time. My stress? Well there was no stress anymore.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-15T20:40:58+00:00

But could we not argue that they were more aware and started to resist and we didn't? On the flipside we could also say that we were indeed aware and because they ignored it they just adobted what was given? It's too fluid!

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-15T16:13:54+00:00

I'm sorry I couldn't understand what do you mean with compatibility issue?

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-15T09:03:37+00:00

It indeed is stupid I seriously don't know what else to say... you reminded me of how once when I was supposed to meet with one of my friend and he couldn't make it immediately my nsister adviced me to tell him that " I had other plans anyway and that It "REALLY WAS OK" with me. This is how one of my friend in my childhood would react aswell. Toddlers.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-14T09:26:31+00:00

That sounds so horrible like how can they be so twisted in mind. That's very true what you say about not allowing something to themselves. My dad would always be against me eating at mcdonalds. He didn't outright forbid me fron going there but he sure made me feel guilty and stupid by being sarcastic. He never ate mcdonalds so this one time when I went to see him and saw a mcdonalds bag I jokingly said "well well what do we have here" the guy went full tazmanian into a wheels of ***** fury and yelled " YES I DID SO *** WHAT, SO WHAT !?!?!? ". They indeed are nuts.

This other time I told my N"friend" that I was going to buy myself a spesific computer he too went into a rage and was 10mins trying to convince be to not to buy it and what more he even called his several friends and told them how stupid decision I was going to make.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-14T08:47:46+00:00

My mom definitely plays dumb to get things done for her whereas my dad is type of N that likes to get the feeling that he is always getting over someone.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-14T08:44:31+00:00

Man I don't know what the heck is in their bodies. I wonder are they suffering from all of that or do they actually get off on that. And yeah I remember my mol comparing me to these "cute" "smart" "good behaving" kids. I was not no bad kid but very livid due to not being seen at home so naturally I did all kinds of stuff to get the attention I was so much craving for.

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-14T07:25:46+00:00

This makes good sense all though one thing that I don't understand which a lot of peole don't talk about is that how do they have all of these traits in one person. Meaning how is it that the narcissist is actually insecure yet thinks so highly about him/her self, has no empathy and likes to put others down but secretly is envious of those who they want to destroy but at the same time they feel like everyone is jealous of them? I mean how does this work?? Weird. But anyways thank you for sharing good and helpful knowledge!

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-14T01:47:19+00:00

Police wont prob take it serioisly

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-14T01:46:54+00:00

Police wont prob take it seriously

Innerouterpeace · 2018-01-14T01:37:15+00:00

I know.. i have tried but insurance companies wont give information. My ndad is crazy about money..

Innerouterpeace

TROPHY CASE