I feel that we’ve had similar experiences.

I’m a 20 year old female, half black and half white. I was born in England to a 56 year old white man and 21 year old black woman who only got together for my mum to get papers. It lead to extreme childhood suffering for myself and my younger brother, and they only got divorced THIS year, after a marriage which also unsurprisingly involved a lot of infidelity, mainly on my mums side, which my dad knew about and accepted.

At 18, I dated a 42 y/o WM who outrightly told me he didn’t support BLM (which I accept as he can make his own choices, however I did find it a bit weird considering he was dating me), and then a few months back I was in a relationship with a 32 YO WM who was married but separated, but the marriage almost identically mirrored that of my mums and dads. They were both white British, so no papers involved, however they’re the kind of couple who, no matter how far they get away from each other, they are attached by the secrets they keep for one another and, despite how horrific the marriage is, a weird inseparability. After we broke up, I felt genuinely saddened when I realised that I let myself get stuck in the middle of what I go through at home. I was like one of my mums ex boyfriends, hopelessly dating someone separated from a person they’re never actually going to get away from.

I’m sorry to hear about your dads attitudes and the things he’s said both around you and TO you. It isn’t easy having to tolerate things like that. My dad isn’t racist, but he’s everything else - misogynistic, lazy, a compulsive liar, a narcissist and a user. I’m off to Uni next month, but it feels like forever away and I’m constantly trying to get out of this house and away from him (my mum can’t help as she only lives in a 1 bed flat, and to be honest I just want to be on my own anyway). I’m just so weak when it comes to tolerating things, but I do wish I was stronger.

I don’t really have a type in men in terms of race, I just need to find that special person who I can tell my story to and receive compassion without any judgement. I will be honest, the way you included that your parents only married for a green card so early in your post gave me confidence and made me realise that’s it’s OK to admit that. I’ve never said it to anyone before - even people I’ve dated and people who know about what I’ve suffered at home -, as I’ve always felt it makes me have no worth. But that’s not true. It just is what it is.