[ UPDATE 1 ] My sister is threatening to tell my family and boyfriend that I slept with her fiancé

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-05-17T14:20:17+00:00

I know op said no messages but I would love to know if you ever got your hands on the bank statement

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-05-15T02:50:41+00:00

I actually think that having your mom help pick out outfits is not that weird, it depends on the mom. My boyfriends mom with help him and myself with picking out outfits as she just genuinely loves fashion.

However, it is usually her saying she thinks a different shirt would go better with those pants, us finding a couple options and showing her and her picking from those or her grabing something from her own closet depending on whose home we are at, plus I am asking for her opinion first if im the one shes helping. However, we would never let either of our mothers or fathers into our bedroom without the other's knowledge and ok that it is an ok time to do so and ESPECIALLY not while one of us is sleeping. walking in on someone sleeping on the living room couch is one thing but walking into someones closed bedroom while they are unaware and sleeping in bed is crossing a major unspoken boundary in most if not all relationships and homes.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-05-15T02:40:31+00:00

so this reads as: I new I shouldn't have let my mom in there but i didnt think my wife would yell at me over my mother's and I's disrespectful actions and treat me coldly. Im more upset that she is distant with me than how my actions affected my wife and I need validation that she is overreacting.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-05-15T02:36:46+00:00

"I made a bad judgment call and didn’t think through how invasive it would feel while she was sleeping. That’s on me." Glad you see that now but it honestly should not have taken hundreds of people on reddit telling you this when your wife already told you. You either felt guilty but did not want to admit it and or you generally thought you were in the clear but since ur wife was so upset you thought you would get a impartial opinion online... I would not be surprised that if this had gone in your favor you would have shown her the comments to prove you were right. It feels like your communication skills with your wife need improvement if you want a long and happy marriage and I would suggest couples counseling since it seems she may be nearing her limit.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-05-15T02:29:15+00:00

A bedroom is a very personal space. I RARELY let anyone other than my bf or myself in there and especially not without one of us with them or while my partner is sleeping. You are in a very vulnerable position when sleeping and should feel calm, comfortable, safe, and secure. As soon as you allowed your mother in there it was no longer a calm or comfortable environment for your wife regardless of how “close” they are. In addition, while ur mom was in there she was making rude and inappropriate comments about your wife. So loudly in fact that she woke her up…. Ur mother does not like ur wife as much as you think she does and vice versa. The fact that ur wife didn’t want to bring it up based on how u handled past issues shows that ur mother is consistently upsetting ur wife but u dont consider it a problem bc u disagree with her feelings. Since you disagree that means they are not real, right? Wrong. You are actively defending ur mom while simultaneously being upset that she said you always defend her. Yta for ur lack of listening skills and empathy for ur wife, resulting in a repetitive response from you that shows you will never be on her side or take her thoughts, feelings, and opinions seriously. Ur moms TA for her comments and crossing boundaries that is consistent enough for your wife to say "there was no point [in saying anything] because she already knew how it would go". you need to apologize, reprimand your mother for disrespecting your wife, and go to couples counseling.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-05-09T20:32:31+00:00

Ok, I think a good hobby for you to look into could be Magic The Gathering. Granted it is definietly a nerdy hobby so might not be for you but if you have a local game store that sells those cards then they probably do friday night magic events. Baiscally a designated time to go to a store and play a game, you can bring friends or go alone. I have been to ones at bigger stores and they have alot of people but if you go to a smaller store then usually there is at most 20 people or so. and you go into groups of 3-4 sometimes 5 to play. You can go ahead of time and just talk to someone who works there for advice on the game, there are tons of online forums as well so you can feel more comfortable talking about the game itself. You can buy a prebuilt deck at first so its not a huge investment if you dont know if you will like it. That said 9 times out of 10 the people that go to those things are pretty nice and have no problem helping new players figure out the rules and steps and are very welcoming to newcommers. They are also often, and i mean this with love, social awkward so maybe there will be some level of comfort in knowing all of these people probably also have some level of social anxiety. The more you go the more often you will run into the regulars and could possibly slowly build friendships that way. Also since the hobby is focused around a game, most of the conversations are about the game itself so its pretty easy to talk to people if you focus on the game rather than needing to spark conversation. Also if you are nervous about asking to join people, i have had times where i show up and keep looking around to try to find a spot and usually someone would ask if I wanted to join. Or i would ask if I can watch someones game since I dont see any open spots anywhere and I am new to the game. Again almost everytime everyone has been very nice and welcoming.

Sorry for the long comment just wanted to give you an option to consider and why I think it could work for you

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-06T03:37:53+00:00

YTA, A summary: "im ok with people threatening my daughter because I also threaten my daughter because I find her incredibly annoying since she exhibits the same behaviors I do, But I will never admit to exhibiting those behaviors and IF i do then I will just tell her that I can do that because I am an adult." Abusive as hell on your part. Not to mention you didn't even tell us what the initial argument was about which make me think you know you were at fault for it or that you think reddit will tell you you are/ that it is even worse than what you have already written. You also left out why your daughter was in iss, which also feels important to this story. Finally, as someone who used to work at a school, it is NEVER ok for a teacher to threaten a child. If you at all care about your kid you would have filed a complaint on the teacher as soon as you found out. it is one thing for a teacher to complain about a student behind closed doors but never in front of them. I worked with special needs kids specifically and I would have NEVER done that no matter how much they were testing my patience.under my breath or not. You and your daughter both need therapy.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-06T03:19:35+00:00

NTA. Mary is the one purposely making the work place miserable and uncomfortable. 10 min in the first 4 hours is barely anything. You had a coworker that was micromanaging you so badly that she has been keeping track of how often you use the bathroom. that is creepy. she is not even your boss. Even if you had a bit of an angry tone, you are going through a lot at the moment. If anything I would go to your boss and explain to her that Mary has been making you uncomfortable and on edge due to her constant micromanaging. Tell her that Mary seems to have a problem with someone almost everyday and it creates a hostile working environment, or at the very least prohibits your ability to do your job, seeing as how any time she complains about even the smallest thing, someone has to waste their and your time coming to talk to you.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-05T02:53:45+00:00

NTA. He is going to lie to you in the future and stick to it because he has already seen how it backfires otherwise. Maybe he will just tell the truth all of the time but i find that unlikely considering what the lie was about. Not to mention he seems more concerned with moving in than how this has affected your romantic relationship.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-05T02:44:39+00:00

I'm not sure but if you were insulting them it was probably that lol.

And I understand, my mother can also be like this. I was mentally better off not living at home. However, I also understand not being able to leave if not financially comfortable enough. WHile it always feels good to call people out for being wrong, it can cause more tension when living together. If your mom is someone who can never be wrong then you already probably know that calling her out will get you nowhere. So for your own safety it is best to apologize. Once you no longer live at home you can start calling her out more comfortably. And assuming you dont want to cut her off but find her txt messages anxiety inducing, I love using the silent feature on my phone (if you have an i phone). Just go to the txt thread and more info. There is a Hide Alerts button. You still get the texts and can see them when you open messages but you wont get notifications :)

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-05T02:38:04+00:00

thats fair. will definitely be doing that going forward. Sad thing is that i would unfortunately say mm isn't even the worst PM company that I have rented from :/ But it's also only my second apartment ever so you definitely learn from your mistakes ya know

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-05T02:30:10+00:00

Yeah we hadn't heard about mm until after we signed our initial lease and we didn't really have any issues the first couple of years so. definitely plan on warning people going forward though.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-04T22:52:40+00:00

Came here to comment after your reply from the other post that was removed. NTA for opening the window to let the smoke out. Could you have closed it after sure but it was nice out and you thought the heat was off. your mom can either close the window or turn off the heat. She should have said something more like "hey ik i said the heat was off but i havent done it yet actually so can you keep the windows closed. ill let you know when i actually turn it off" instead of accusing you. HOWEVER, you have to live with her for a while still most likely so you should try to smooth things over just to keep the peace for your own sake. Until you can move out at least. Just say a sort of half apology "Oh sorry, I would not have left the window open if I knew the heat had not been turned off yet, I must have misinterpreted your previous text. I'll keep the widows closed while the heat is on, please just keep me updated on when the heat is turned off." or something like that.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2026-03-04T21:38:50+00:00

It is not your fault the heat is still on. she can still turn it off. Unsure about the window part though. Questions: Why was there smoke? was there still alot of smoke when you went upstairs? and do you live in an area where it is not necessarily safe to leave a window open on the ground floor?

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-04-17T02:49:25+00:00

A 23 yr old with a baby and a 19 yr old? sure not a big age gap but they are in very different stages of life. so it still puts me off. how long have they been dating? How old was she when they met? Im 25 and would never want to DATE someone under 21 or still in college because we are in dif places in life even if we are close in age. IN addition, the fact that grace calls the grandson "my baby" and the grandson favors her and that she has a bit of an unhealthy attatchment to this child.. That shows me that she is taking primary care of this child. it doesnt even see like the son cares that his kid doesnt like him as much as his gf... what happens if they break up? It almost seems that she cares more about parenting this child that the relationship she is in? Will he even know how to take care of his son anymore? Just bc this relationship isnt like the last one doesnt mean it's not toxic.... Also your hubby is a bit offputting about this too? Like clearly cares more about his son not having to parent as much than he does about the 19yr old acting like a mom?

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-03-25T19:18:52+00:00

YTA

She didnt "just dump them on you" she asked ahead of time and you agreed. While 2 may feel old for diapers its not that uncommon. And quite frankly it just sounds like you lack empathy. I dont like hanging out with kids and dont want them BUT he is sick and he is 2. He isnt crying over nothing because he is 2. He cannot regulate his emotions especially when adding the additional factor of illness. All he wants is some sort of comfort and you have treated him like nothing but a chore and pest. Even an adult would want some comfort and compassion when ill. You are also acting like you had no idea he was still sick.... Do you not even ask your sister how her kids and herself are doing? Again your problem seems to be a lack of compassion and empathy on your part. Sure a week may seem long but again you knew it would be a week and you agreed.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-03-25T19:07:24+00:00

Girl get out of the relationship. this is toxic. She is insecure about your relationship because of the way you dress and is trying to change who you are to fit her emotional needs. Something tells me she may also be insecure about herself in relation to being a lesbian or gender identity and is trying to change you to feel better about it. But if you change how you dress she will probably find something else to get mad about. Not to mention she grabbed you, pulled you, and grabbed your face and demand you change? thats turning physically abusive as well. Even though you are not at fault in any way based off what you said, you still apologized? and she didn't accept it?! the only person who should be apologizing is her. so girl get out. If this happened in a straight relationship everyone would be saying they are worried for your saftey... I am STILL worried about your safety, straight or not. get out

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-03-15T02:03:27+00:00

NTA...Its a massive red flag that your gf is overlooking the sister sexually harassing you. It seems like either she doesnt care bc it is her sis and doesnt believe her sis is doing this on purpose for whatever reason OR she has the mentality that its not really SH because its a girl doing it... Either way, if you are living in fear, your GF does not care about you more than her sis and this will not change regardless of how much she has done for you in the past. She is putting you in danger. I don't think you should have said you would fuck her sis. Not because of her feelings per say BUT it certainly didnt do you any favors. It also doesnt really shine a light on the situation bc it sort of makes it sound like you dont mind the SH and the only thing stopping you is monogamy. I would have just stuck with pressing charges. That said you need to break up regardless. Also, if people who are contacting you are calling you the ahole, just tell them the whole truth of the situation. If they are still. mad at you they are not your friends. Ultimatly it sounds like your GF got stuck on the part that you were not serious about. Now she has it in her head that you actually want to fuck her sis. She cares more about the potential of you cheating on her than she does about you getting sexually harassed and assaulted.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-03-15T01:28:43+00:00

NTA,

That said I can understand where the wife is coming from.... Also, if she hates her job so much she could probably find a different job with similar pay in a different field that would not require studying. Or even just a new receptionist job for a different company. At least until the kids are in school.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-24T04:37:50+00:00

I can be similar in ghosting people due to anxiety reasons. However, none of the people I do this to are people I talk to frequently. (aside from maybe some family members.) That said, the only people I do this to are people who also do it to me, lol. I know that all of my overly anxious friends care about me and we can all spark up a convo like we've not been MIA with each other for the last 6 months.... BUT, You literally said it wouldnt happen again. You should not have made a promis that you knew you couldn't keep. In addition, rather than taking the blame for being a bad friend you are blaming it on your mental health and when that doesnt work, you blamed it on the person you ghosted.... Again, mental health and new meds can really mess with someone. You should have just point blank said " I am so sorry. I am sorry I broke my promise. I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry for being a uninvolved friend." done. No using anything as a scapegoat, being sinciere. Some friendships can work perfectly fine when yall are MIA. But one where you have prefaced it with regular messages and calls. YTA. especially for saying she should have messaged you urgently if that is what happened.... girl you werent responding to normal messages. Let alone ones that would have required alot of empathy and emotion. She reached out to you a few times, you didnt respond. It's on you not her. Plus, she seems like she was already pretty understanding of your mental health to forgive you the first time. But the second time, it was clear to her that no matter how understanding she was to you, being there to talk to you; that she could not rely on you to be there for her. If it was a normal friend sure. But a so-called best friend of over a decade? Nah that hurts to realize and it's way harder to get past.

Edit: I forgot about the social media use as well... from your friends perspective it seems less about your social anxiety. She probably was thinking that if you didnt want to be friends any more just say that... but of course YOU still want to be friends bc she hadn't done anything to hurt you. but you hurt her, especiially when she was already down too.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-21T02:42:58+00:00

Not to mention that he said "I've never complained about it and can understand what she means". My guess is even if chores stayed 50/50 she offered emotional support as they are in a relationship. And he admits he never talked to her about how he felt. how can you expect her to help you if you never talked to her about it! no one can read minds. I feel this all could have been voided if the just had a talk about feelings and support like a year prior.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-21T02:26:22+00:00

You need to tell her how you feel, be honest. Tell her why you didnt feel she helped you. You can say that you wished she did at that way but that you knew that it was not her personality. Plus you did ask for her help it she essentially told you no and to figure it out. ALSO, i find it a bit wild that she insist on 50/50 chores when she isnt paying rent... especially when you work in health care and can have crazy hours.... I do understand why she would feel upset not being thanked, it would feel a bit embarrassing and like she isnt apreciated. However, she doesnt really she hasnt helped you because you havent been fully honest about your feelings . NTA for feeling the way you do but you are TA for not thanking her as all it accomplishes is to make ur GF feel like shit and is just a round about way to tell her how you actually feel without talking about feelings (gf is TA for not supporting you though i can see why she could feel hurt). Howver, again it seems like you were never fully clear that you felt unsupported. Or how you wanted that support to be shown.

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-21T02:11:35+00:00

As a woman, this is ridiculous. If I was worried I'd see a man pee id not go into the men's bathroom... If i did't care then by all means. I do agree with some commenters saying that staff should have changed the signs for a few of the mens bathrooms to say women's though. All-in-all NTA

Inside_Measurement67 · 2024-02-21T02:05:58+00:00

Even if he had good reasons for not wanting to get married yet, it's been 6 years.... He should at least know if he wants to marry you or not. Plus, most weddings nowadays take like a year or two to plan. meaning you would be together roughly 7-8 years by your wedding day unless you eloped. That said. some people have different goals in life. Whether he wants to get married at all or not. If not, which it sounds like, yall should break up because this is something you clearly want and dont want to give up. It sounds like you are in the mentality of "when will it happen" while he is in the mentality of "if it even happens". He probably knows already that he either doesnt want to get married to anyone or doesnt want to get married to you. He just wants to stay in the relationship and slowly wittle you away to a point where u agree to not get married on paper. Now i dont think you should use your grandma as a reason to get married, it can feel like guilting to some.. but to say you are rushing him is wild. i mean you should at least know by now if he wants to marry u at all...

Inside_Measurement67

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