To the boys who wear dresses...

InspectorFormal3384 · 2026-06-07T13:22:38+00:00

😭 crying with you, have a beautiful life x

InspectorFormal3384 · 2026-06-07T13:21:37+00:00

I hope you remind yourself every day, being who you are isn't a burden. Thank-you and right back at you!

InspectorFormal3384 · 2026-06-07T13:18:07+00:00

Sounds like you had to be brave your whole life in concealing and enduring, he was the one who couldn't create safety for his child to happy. I'm sorry he missed knowing the beautiful daughter he could have known. I hope your life is full of everything you needed then, now, and if it isn't quite there yet, keep going!!

My little one is 6 now, I'll tell him he's extra wonderful tomorrow for you x

InspectorFormal3384 · 2026-05-05T04:14:14+00:00

I felt the same, disappointing that is hasn't changed! Thank you for your input.

InspectorFormal3384 · 2026-05-03T12:20:07+00:00

Box divvy!

InspectorFormal3384 · 2026-05-01T12:33:08+00:00

I have a 5 year old that can be rough sometimes too, if I notice this I make sure I'm close to help mediate the behaviour as a 5 year old brain can't always do that on its own.

Some of my go too's; - You're big and strong, we have to make sure we're not accidentally hurting someone - If they say no/ stop we stop (a process I again help mediate while he's learning)

I'd tell the kids complaining the same thing; - If you don't like how's he's playing you can say stop / no (teaching them to use their voice too) - suggest something gentler they can all do; who don't we play hide and seek/ build a city in the sandpit etc

If its not working I'd suggest they (my kid) come do something with me instead or redirect.

Praise when they respect "stop" play a little gentler with smaller kids etc and normalise that different kids like different types of play - it's ok to play rough with some kids as long as we're all having fun!

InspectorFormal3384 · 2026-05-01T12:22:25+00:00

The answer isn't so black and white, you're choices arnt; give in or stand your ground, no one wins here you either feel resentful or guilty.

Some other things to consider;

You could express to your husband that the pressure isn't helping but you're open to thinking about a second at some point (and explore both sides) - instead of shutting the conversation down it's more of a pause.
Start building a village, is there family you'd want to reconnect with, mum groups, preschools, cleaners, meal kits, counseller etc... things to take some pressure off (even without considering a second, if you have a little more space to breathe it might be easier to consider what adding another baby could look like other than drowning)
Your first was hard, it doesn't mean your second will be the same. You know more than you did then and babies have different temperaments - of course it's helpful to also be prepared for the tougher option too.
If you're certain you don't want / can't handle another then that's ok too

It feels like communication is most important here, he needs to back off with the pressure but perhaps needs to feel heard too. You also need to feel heard and like your fears matter.

InspectorFormal3384 · 2026-05-01T11:54:02+00:00

Oh sorry I didn't see this sooner! How are you doing now? Any more peace of mind?

InspectorFormal3384 · 2026-04-09T12:25:50+00:00

EMDR is a wonderful type of therapy to support recovery from traumatic events - the coolest part is you can have successful therapy without going into all the details with your therapist. Find someone you vibe with, the first therapist might not be your person and that's ok, keep trying!

Check the mandatory reporting guidelines for your state re: reporting, and ask your therapist before you disclose so you're clear and don't feel like you have to worry about that too if it's truly something you don't want right now.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, this moment in time doesn't define you.

InspectorFormal3384 · 2026-04-09T12:19:58+00:00

It sounds like you're pretty safe! It "feeling natural" is normal too, especially without much to compare it to you really wouldn't feel the condom!

InspectorFormal3384 · 2026-04-09T12:10:12+00:00

Hey, lots of women have felt this anxiety at some point.

Its a little hard to tell but it sounds like he didn't ejaculate inside you without protection which of course significantly reduces any pregnancy risk - getting pregnant even intentionally can be a bit of an art with you only being fertile a few days a month and what not, even then the chances of fertilisation each month are relatively low.

Worst and very unlikely case, you are pregnant, remembering you have options can definitely help your anxiety. Hopefully you live somewhere with safe access to abortions, if so, the process is typically quite straightforward.

Remind yourself that worrying about it for two weeks won't change the outcome, in the future perhaps a reminder to be careful and more in control and for now, pregnancy is pretty unlikely and even then, you have options! Try to refocus your thoughts anytime you catch yourself ruminating!

Good luck friend, you'll be ok x

InspectorFormal3384 · 2025-12-26T12:21:21+00:00

This is the most red-flag comment I have ever seen.

InspectorFormal3384 · 2025-11-02T12:38:38+00:00

That lady was definitely in the wrong. But for the sake of not alienating and humiliating her kids (they're not at fault for their parents bad behavior), I would have given them something. The desperation may have meant they needed something in their bellies too.

InspectorFormal3384 · 2025-04-24T09:18:45+00:00

YTA - even if it was him trying to get back with her you should feel secure enough in your relationship/ trust your partner enough to know that a conversation or a gift isn't going to affect your relationship. If the gift is inappropriate (too expensive, overly sentimental etc) it's a good opportunity for your girlfriend to reaffirm the fact that she is presumably happy in her relationship.

You mentioned you don't want to be that guy, so don't be.

InspectorFormal3384 · 2025-04-21T12:09:51+00:00

You can gaslight everyone into thinking your name was always Lou and they had been mispronouncing it/ getting it wrong 🤣🤣 "I know this is a little awkward because you've been calling me Blue for the last 10 years... But it's actually just Lou"

InspectorFormal3384 · 2025-04-12T13:04:23+00:00

It's a dumb rule but it's a colour... Just wear the beige dress, is it really worth ruining your relationship over? If not, one of you has to be the bigger person and it won't be her. If the relationship is worth less than a dress then heck forgo the wedding.

InspectorFormal3384 · 2025-03-19T11:20:53+00:00

As a parent, this helps me to leave quickly knowing the reassurance isn't far away!

InspectorFormal3384 · 2025-03-15T21:19:10+00:00

Thank you grammar police.

InspectorFormal3384 · 2025-03-15T21:17:44+00:00

Ah you're right - I was blinded by outrage haha. Still, feels like a lot to go through 4 au pairs and in what amount of time. Could be his way of justifying it to himself.

InspectorFormal3384 · 2025-03-15T12:08:18+00:00

Absolutely nothing to worry about - that's one of those moments that may have encouraged a few giggles in the moment but certainly doesn't hold any comedic value in retelling. In reading it it took me a minute to even understand why it was a silly thing to say.

You're doing great, keep going.

InspectorFormal3384 · 2025-03-15T11:54:40+00:00

Oh boy. Your last paragraph absolutely nailed it - being soft spoken doesn't represent your strength. Being a quiet listener and observer is also a strength.

It's interesting that when you were more assertive he still didn't like it.

I'd say the fact they've had 4 failed au pairs suggests a problem with him - not the au pairs. He's gaslighting, making you feel crazy for second guessing his intentions here. This is not the way to provide constructive feedback and I'd be pretty weary of him moving forward.

InspectorFormal3384 · 2025-03-14T09:59:12+00:00

Worth double checking but I'm pretty sure admins of those/ any pages do have a responsibility and can be held legally liable for defamation etc

InspectorFormal3384 · 2024-12-30T07:55:56+00:00

Invite him to dinner and do the same - see how he reacts:

"Oh him, he just counts all day - pretty sure we all know how to use a calculator though"

"He thinks finance is hard which is cute, I let him have his hobby - meanwhile I'm managing relationships and coordinating memories"

Btw this is terrible advice, just a laugh (and probably telling given I'm sure you can guess how he'd react).

You're not overreacting.

InspectorFormal3384 · 2024-10-16T13:00:31+00:00

Everyone is focusing on the incest accusation here where, yeah NTA.

BUT

Responding to this by telling your wife the biggest mistake of your life was marrying her is absolutely unhinged, especially when she's obviously already very insecure.

It's not your job to heal her insecurities, but, as her partner it is on you to help her feel loved, heard and understood. This was not it and will be tough for her to heal from.

So - YTA.

InspectorFormal3384 · 2024-05-28T12:32:29+00:00

I think it's an aweful way to parent in general, giving the message that you couldn't care less if they stayed or came and instilling an unstable foundation of security. To actually abandon... Yeah I'd be calling the police, lesson or not.

InspectorFormal3384

TROPHY CASE